together at night was based on a mutual natural physical desire that was also without the dangerous, potentially damaging effect of emotion. And yet if he was so sure that the decisions he had made were the correct ones, why did he so often feel the sharp sting of anxiety when he thought of Sophia? Why could he not relax until he had heard her laughter and seen her smile with their reassurance for him that she was content with their marriage? Those were emotional reactions after all.
He was simply concerned that she should not overdo things, that was all. She had thrown herself into the new role she had taken on with so much enthusiasm and diligence that it was only natural that he should be concerned.
Sophia tried to still the frantic, giddy, dizzy race of her heartbeat as Ash came towards her. It was just her body’s way of reminding her of the pleasure he gave it; it meant nothing else. It happened every time she saw him and she should be used to it by now after these past busy weeks of them working together for the future of his people, even if on this particular occasion there was a legitimate reason for her to feel happy to see him.
She didn’t give any indication to him of that, though, when he made an appreciative sound at the sight of the tea tray. She dismissed the maid to pour the tea for him herself, saying with a smile, ‘I ordered it when I heard you’d got back from your meeting. How did it go?’
‘Even better than I had hoped,’ Ash told her, accepting the cup she handed to him. Their fingers touched, Sophia’s skin flushing sensually as Ash maintained the contact in a silent promise of the way they would spend the night. The sex between them was a bonus in their marriage that benefited them both, Sophia acknowledged. A bonus which if she was right had already produced a bonus of its own. A happy smile curved her mouth.
‘The soil tests have shown that we will be able to grow a much wider variety of crops than even I had hoped for. If all goes well within the next few years the people will not only be self-sufficient in growing their own food, they will also have spare to sell.’
‘I’m so pleased, Ash,’ Sophia told him truthfully. ‘You’ve worked so hard on this project.’
‘No harder than you are working on your projects, Sophia.’
Now was her chance to tell him, Sophia decided. With a relationship like theirs, emotional displays were not the way of things, she knew, but it was impossible for her to keep the small breathless catch out of her voice as she bent her head to tell him meaningfully, ‘It seems that we are having the good fortune to progress with all our projects at the moment, Ash, although I cannot be entirely certain until Dr Kumar can confirm my hopes.’
When Ash put down his teacup to look at her, Sophia told him simply, ‘I think I’m pregnant.’
She’d known he would be pleased. It was what he’d married her for, after all. But the naked delight and joy that lit up his face caught at her heart, every bit as much as the way he got to his feet and came to her, saying her name in a voice that trembled slightly as he took hold of both her hands in his; it made her heart turn over inside her chest all over again. She had suspected for several days that she could be pregnant. She had known that Ash would be pleased if she was—she had known that she would be delighted herself—but this unexpected and unlooked-for tender act of husbandly intimacy could only be affecting her with such intensity because of the pregnancy hormones that had been released into her system, she assured herself as she battled against the need to cling to him and be held by him, held close in his arms as those arms bound both her and their child to him.
‘I shall send for Dr Kumar immediately,’ Ash told her. The news Sophia had just given him was so welcome and wanted that that was why he felt the way he did, elated, delighted and yet at the same time anxious for Sophia, proud of her and very, very protective of her. It was because their child was so important that he felt like this. So much of the future depended on them producing an heir, after all.
‘It’s still very early days,’ Sophia felt bound to warn him.
‘Then you must be even more careful not to overdo things. It would be more restful for you if you could curtail your duties here and perhaps go to Mumbai where you could rest more, but with the rainy season starting there …’
Ash was pacing the courtyard now, plainly concerned. A small smile softened Sophia’s mouth. Wasn’t this the universal reaction of new fathers-to-be to the creation of that new life they wanted so much and which they instinctively wanted to protect?
‘I have no desire at all to go to Mumbai, Ash,’ she told him. ‘I can rest perfectly well here if I need to rest, which I most certainly do not at the moment. I want to be here. This is our home and it will be our child’s home, and as for me overdoing things—Ash, I am a healthy young woman and pregnancy is a perfectly natural function.’
‘I don’t want you—’
‘You don’t want me taking any unnecessary risks for your child. I know that, and I promise you that I shan’t, but you mustn’t try to wrap me in cotton wool.’
‘I just want—’
‘To protect your child.’
To protect you, he wanted to say, but Ash knew as the thought formed that it was not one he was permitted. By his own rules. Rules he had put in place to protect their marriage and now their child.
She was in danger of feeling far too emotional, Sophia recognised, and that she could not and would not do. The best way to deal with such a situation as she was now learning was to concentrate instead on something practical, something achievable, something that did not involve her mourning what she could never have. So she changed the subject to say practically, ‘It was a good idea of yours to suggest that we donate Nasreen’s clothes to charity. We’ve had the most lovely letters from the various charities I contacted saying how grateful they are to receive such a donation in Nasreen’s name.’
He didn’t want to talk about Nasreen or her clothes or even the charities they were benefiting, Ash thought. He wanted to talk about them, about their child, about their future. But a newly pregnant Sophia must be protected and indulged, he decided, although he was unable to stop himself from pointing out, ‘Your idea to create scholarships in her memory was very generous, Sophia. By rights they should be in your name because Nasreen would certainly never have thought of doing anything so generous.’
‘I am happy to be generous on her behalf,’ Sophia assured him.
The truth was that she wanted peace for Ash more than she wanted to do something for Nasreen, especially now that she was carrying their child. And after all, wasn’t it only natural that as that child’s mother she wanted him or her to have the full commitment of his or her father without any darkness from the past overshadowing him? What she could not and would never ask Ash for, for her own benefit, she could and would, Sophia was beginning to realise very determinedly, work towards asking for their child. That was the nature of motherhood, was it not?
And the growing longing she was experiencing to feel emotionally closer to Ash, was that only because of her instinctive desire to secure a father’s love for her child? Why not? As a child herself she had known what it was to feel she had cause to doubt her father’s love for her and she certainly didn’t want that for her child. Wasn’t it only natural that she should be particularly anxious to ensure that her own child was loved by Ash? It was for their child that she wanted them to be close, not for herself. Ash, she felt, had been too hurt, too damaged, by what he saw as a failure within himself to ever come anywhere near risking breaking the vow he had made to keep their marriage emotion-free for its own safety. She would be a fool to allow herself to pin any dreams on that changing.
