He had been consciously trying to stem any negative emotions. Those feelings weren’t useful to anyone. But ever since Kitty had confirmed her pregnancy and he’d experienced the unexpected sense of jealousy he had questioned why. And he’d finally figured it out.
Children of his own had never been on his agenda—in his mind if he couldn’t commit to a woman he didn’t deserve to father children—but with Kitty’s announcement he’d had to admit that he actually did want to be a father. He didn’t begrudge her the pregnancy, far from it, and it shouldn’t matter that she was going to have a baby. That shouldn’t impact on his ability to be supportive, and he knew he shouldn’t be jealous, but he was finding the reality a little different from the theory. All it did was remind him that someday soon Kitty might be having children of her own, and moving on from their friendship.
But that was his issue and he would deal with it, and in the meantime he would make sure he was supportive. Maybe being a surrogate uncle to Kitty’s children would suffice.
‘Eight days,’ she replied.
‘I think you should wait until the scan, then. Think of how exciting that is going to be. Don’t you want to be able to share that with Jess and Cam? Surely you don’t want to take that excitement away from them by having seen it all before?’
She sighed. ‘You’re right.’
‘Good girl. It’ll all be fine, you’ll see.’
‘How come you always know the right thing to say?’
He laughed. ‘Maybe to you, because I know you so well.’
‘Thanks, Joe.’ Kitty stood up and tossed her sandwich wrapper in the bin before hugging him.
He loved the feeling of her arms around him. She was still so tiny and he wondered how long it would be before he’d be able to feel a little baby bump. He didn’t imagine it would take long as there was nowhere for the baby to go except out. He wondered too how much the pregnancy would change her. She was worrying now—would she continue to worry progressively more and more throughout the pregnancy, or would she eventually accept that things were going according to plan and relax? Whatever happened, he vowed to be there for her and to help her to cope. He had always been her rock and he didn’t want that to change. No matter how he felt.
* * *
Kitty was starting to feel more like her normal self. Her morning sickness was abating and, at twenty-two weeks, she was now feeling like she thought she was supposed to—a glowing, pregnant woman. She hadn’t gained much weight yet except for in her breasts, but she felt voluptuous for the first time in her life and it was making her feel very feminine. She knew it was hormonal but she was constantly thinking about sex. She hadn’t had sex in six months, nearly seven, and she was beginning to think she might go crazy unless she did something about it.
And it seemed she wasn’t the only one. As she sat with Lisa and a couple of other nurses at the Manly Pier Hotel the talk turned, inevitably, to men and the lack of good ones.
Kitty was enjoying the evening. It was good to be out and nice to have the focus off the pregnancy for a little while. At home with Jess and Cam it had become the number one topic of conversation, so she was looking forward to talking about the things she used to discuss with her girlfriends. The pub was busy, the line at the bar a couple of people deep. It was her turn to buy the drinks but she didn’t feel like fighting her way through the crowd. Like a knight in shining armour Joe appeared and offered to place their order.
‘You and Joe aren’t an item?’ one of the nurses asked, continuing the conversation as she watched Joe walk to the bar.
‘No. Just friends,’ Kitty replied.
‘With benefits?’ Victoria asked.
‘No.’ Kitty shook her head.
‘He’s hot.’
He did look good tonight, Kitty thought, although she had to pretend she hadn’t noticed. He wore his favourite jeans, and they were her favourites on him too. They hugged his backside, highlighting what she considered to be one of his best features. A white T-shirt hugged his chest. It was a simple outfit but it showcased his body to perfection. He was fit and muscular with just the right amount of confident swagger, she thought as she watched him leaning on the bar. His hair was casually perfect, he looked like he hadn’t made a huge amount of effort, as if he got out of bed looking like this—relaxed and gorgeous with a cheeky grin for whichever female he was talking to.
She had to agree with Victoria. Joe was hot, but she’d long ago taught herself to ignore it. They were friends, first and foremost, and she was too afraid of ruining the status quo to ever test the boundaries of that friendship. She needed him as a friend and she wasn’t going to risk their relationship by blurring the lines.
‘Is he single?’ Victoria asked as they watched Joe return to their table.
‘He’s single,’ Kitty admitted.
He delivered their drinks with a smile, making the dimple in his chin flash, and Kitty noticed that Victoria couldn’t take her eyes off him. He didn’t stay, choosing instead to go out to the deck where some of his mates were drinking, and Victoria’s gaze followed his path through the crowd.
All the talk about men and, more specifically Joe, had Kitty flustered. She couldn’t think about him and sex in the same conversation. She’d trained herself not to and, besides, he’d never even hinted that he’d be willing to cross that line.
But what if he did? What would she do?
She shook her head.
She’d be crazy to even consider it. She wasn’t prepared to risk the friendship of a lifetime for a brief encounter between the sheets. Even if her hormones were going crazy, there were others ways to scratch that itch. Kitty drained her water glass and stood up as the DJ played his first track. The pub was full of good-looking young men. Joe was not the only eligible bachelor here, she thought as she dragged Lisa onto the dance floor.
* * *
Joe could see Kitty on the dance floor from his vantage point on the deck. She looked particularly beautiful tonight. He knew she was suffering a little from morning sickness but she had a pregnancy glow and by this evening she was obviously feeling, and looking, better. Her hair was thick and glossy and her skin was luminous. She moved well—she was the epitome of someone who danced as if no one was watching, and he took advantage of that fact to watch her.
She was normally slight, but the pregnancy had added some curves to her bust and her hips, he thought as he watched her hips move to the music. She let herself go to the rhythm of the song and Joe let his eyes follow her movements. There was something hypnotic, almost sensual, about her dancing.
He shook his head and turned away. He felt awkward and exposed now—he wasn’t used to thinking about Kitty in that sense. Of course he’d noticed little things about her before—the depth of her brown eyes, the curve of her lips, the twin dimples in her cheeks—but he’d never let himself entertain an image of her as a sexual being before. He’d always kept her firmly in the friend zone.
He turned his gaze to Lisa instead as he tried to get the image of Kitty’s hips out of his head and watched as the girls were joined by a couple of guys. Strangers—or at least they were strangers to him. Not that who Kitty danced with was any of his business, but Joe felt his hackles rise
