couldn’t go on. Couldn’t! Jake’s idea of a progression threw her into a panic. The sex had been good. Amazing. Incredibly marvellous. But it wouldn’t stay that way. Moods and feelings were rarely recaptured. Lust did peter out. She had the evidence of Jake’s many affairs to demonstrate how quickly it passed.
The article in the women’s magazine which still lay in the bottom drawer of her desk came sharply to mind. If she indulged herself in more physical pleasures with Jake Carter, she’d be looking for the exit signs, every minute of every day, not trusting their togetherness to last long. Then how awkward would it be when he started looking for a fresh experience? How destroying it would be!
No, it was wrong for her. It would mess her up even more than she was already messed up. No matter what he said or did, she couldn’t allow herself to be tempted. Now was the time to start building a hopeful future for herself, not plunge down a sidetrack to more misery.
The coffeemaker beeped. She filled two mugs, steeled herself for the stand she had to make, then set out to fight the man who was undoubtedly plotting a different scenario. Her hands shook so much the coffee slurped over. She put the mugs on the counter and walked slowly around it, clenching and unclenching her hands. Her chest was so tight, her heart felt as though it was banging against it, stifled for proper room. Nevertheless, she did manage to carry the mugs out and set them on the coffee table without further spillage.
Jake was leaning on the balcony railing, apparently taking in the night view. He didn’t turn even though he must have heard her. Having got rid of the mugs from her nervous hands, Amy fidgeted. Sitting down didn’t feel right. It was impossible to relax enough to make it look natural. Yet to join Jake at the railing in the semidarkness…
“Tell me what you want, Amy.”
The soft words caught at her heart, turning her doubts and fears into silly trivialities. Jake had moved on to the big picture. He was simply waiting for her to paint in how she saw it.
Without any further hesitation, she stepped over to the railing and took a deep breath of fresh sea air. The winking myriad of lights around the bay assured her of life going on in a normal fashion, despite the ups and downs everyone was subjected to from time to time. It was normality she needed now.
“I want to keep my job,” she said simply.
He didn’t move, not even to glance at her. She had the sense of him being darkly self-contained, waiting and listening, biding his time until he had what he needed to work with.
“There’s no question of your losing it,” he assured her.
“I want to feel comfortable in it. I need to feel secure in it,” she explained further. “It’s my anchor right now. If you take that away from me…”
“Why on earth would I?”
He sounded genuinely puzzled.
“You could make it too difficult for me to stay.”
“You think I’m going to chase you around the office?” he asked, the dry irony in his voice mocking such a notion. “It’s a fool’s game, mixing business with pleasure, Amy. Have I ever seemed that much of a fool to you?”
“No.”
“I respect you far too much to press unwanted attention on you anyway.”
“I’m sorry. I…maybe I’ve got this wrong,” she rushed out in an agony of embarrassment. “I shouldn’t have assumed you’d want to…”
“Oh, yes, I want to, Amy. I really would be a fool not to want to make love with you whenever I can. Outside of office hours.”
He spoke matter-of-factly yet Amy was left in no doubt he meant every word of it. One taste was not enough for him. He wanted more, and just the thought of him wanting more aroused all the sensitised places in her body that craved the same.
“But I’d hate you to feel…under duress,” he added, his voice dropping to a low rasp of distaste.
The choice was hers, he was saying, and she should have felt relieved, except she was so twisted up inside, her mind couldn’t dictate anything sensible.
“It has to be freely given,” he went on. “As it was tonight.” He half turned to her, a lopsided smile curving his mouth. “You did want me, you know. Not because of Steve. You wanted me.”
Amy was further shaken by the passion creeping through the quiet control he’d maintained. “Any woman would want you, Jake,” she blurted out.
“You’re not…any…woman.” He flashed her a scathing look. “For God’s sake, Amy! Do you think it’s like that every time I turn around?”
“How would I know?” she flared back at him, losing the sane control she’d tried so hard to hold on to. “You turn around so often…”
“Because once I know it’s not going to work I don’t string a woman along as a convenient backup while I cheat on the side, as your precious Steve did,” he shot at her.
Pain exploded through her. “Fine!” she fired back at him. “Just don’t expect me to give repeat performances until you decide it’s not working for you anymore. I’d rather choose my own exit, thank you very much.”
He straightened up, aggression emanating from him in such strong waves, Amy almost cringed against the railing. Pride stiffened her spine. She was not going to be intimidated. The memory of her mother being cowed by her father flashed into her mind. Jake had that kind of power but she would not give in to it. Never! She would stand up for what was right for her, no matter what the consequences.
Maybe he sensed her fierce challenge. Something wrought a change. The aggression faded. She felt him—the strength of his will—reaching out to her even before he raised a hand in a gesture of appeal.
“It could be something special for both of us, Amy,” he said in soft persuasion.
The fire in her died, leaving only the pain. “It was special. Please…leave it there,” she begged. “I don’t want to fight with you, Jake.”
He sighed and offered a wry smile. “I don’t want to fight with you, either. Nor do I want you to regret tonight.”
She had a hazy memory of Steve yelling, you’ll regret it, and everything within her rebelled against his meanminded prediction. Besides, he had never once given her so much intense pleasure, never once swept her into such an all-encompassing sensual world. That belonged to Jake and she would never forget it…surely a oncein-a-lifetime experience which had exploded from a unique set of circumstances.
“I’ll never regret it, Jake. It was something very special,” she reiterated, because it was the truth and it was only fair to admit it to him.
His smiled widened, caressing her with his remembered pleasure. “Then you’ll keep it as a good memory?”
He was giving in…letting go…
“Yes,” she cried in dizzy relief.
“Of course, if you ever want to build on the good memory, you will keep me in mind,” he pressed teasingly.
She
