there was no condemnation in his voice or eyes, Lucy felt it. ‘I left a message on your mobile.’
Which she hadn’t checked. Her battery had died and she’d forgotten to charge it. If only…
Yet there was no ‘if only’. This wasn’t about a missed message, a simple misunderstanding. It was about trust.
She hadn’t trusted him. She’d let her fear blind her, guide her. She’d refused to let go of the past, to give them a future. Lucy swallowed. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘So am I.’
He turned away, and Lucy’s heart twisted. It broke. Wasn’t it already broken? she wondered numbly. Hadn’t it been shattered too many times before?
Hadn’t both of them been through enough?
‘Are you going to leave?’ she whispered, and she saw him stiffen.
‘I told you, I must fly out tomorrow. It is done.’ So, in the end, he would still leave. She had made him leave, with her mistrust and her fear. It was ironic, Lucy thought. Ironic and terrible. When she finally had him, she would lose him, and this time she could only blame herself.
She watched him walk stiffly to the bedroom, and remembered how he’d trusted her with his weakness and secrets. After a second’s hesitation she followed him, standing in the doorway while she watched him rummage through the few clothes he’d left. He was packing, she realised, taking everything away.
‘Khaled, I don’t want you to go.’
He shrugged impatiently. ‘Lucy, my father is ill. I have a duty.’
She closed her eyes and summoned strength. Opening them, she admitted in a whisper, ‘I mean from me. Don’t leave me.’
He turned slowly to face her. ‘Leave you?’
‘I love you. I love the man you are now.’ She was begging, she was desperate and weak, yet she didn’t care. There was no fear in love. She’d lay herself bare for him; she’d strip her soul if that was what it took to keep him.
‘Do you?’ Khaled said, and she heard the disbelief in his voice. ‘Do you love a man who would walk out on you even now, Lucy? Walk out on his son without a word?’ His voice shook with a sudden, terrible emotion. ‘Is that the man you love?’
Lucy shook her head slowly, not understanding. ‘Khaled…’
‘You judge me now without even realising it!’ He shook his head, the movement one of both scorn and rage. Hurt. ‘How can you love me and think I would do that—again? I’ve learned from my mistakes, Lucy. Have you?’
It took her a moment to understand. ‘You mean you’re not leaving?’ she whispered.
‘I’m going to see my father,’ Khaled replied, ‘And you’re welcome to come with me. I’m not,’ he added, his voice edged with irritation, ‘leaving you.’
‘But—’
Khaled dropped the shirt he had bunched in one fist, shaking his head slowly. ‘Lord, how I’ve hurt you. Even now…’ He crossed the room to stand in front of her, his hands curling gently around her shoulders. ‘Lucy, forgive me for leaving you before. Forgive me for causing you so much hurt, so much fear. Will you? Can you forgive me?’
Lucy blinked back tears, but they slipped down her cheeks anyway. ‘Yes…’ she whispered.
‘I’ve kept my distance, tried to give you space to make a decision.’ He paused, his twisted smile both tender and sad. ‘To decide if you loved me.’
‘But I do,’ Lucy whispered, her throat clogged. ‘That was the whole problem.’
‘Is it?’ Khaled questioned softly. ‘Such a problem?’
Lucy shook her head. ‘No, it isn’t. It’s…’ She smiled through a shimmer of tears. ‘My fear. I’ve been so afraid.’
‘I know.’
‘I didn’t even realise how afraid I was until…until it was too late. Until I loved you, and I realised you had the power to hurt me again. That was what scared me most of all—the possibility.’ She swallowed, sniffed. ‘I don’t want to be afraid.’
‘Then don’t. I’m not going to leave you, Lucy. I’m not your father. I’m not the man I was before.’
‘I know that. I’ve realised that. But I was afraid to trust, to believe.’
‘Believe.’ His voice throbbed with sincerity. ‘I’m not going to leave you or Sam. I love you both. You’re my family, my life. I just need to know if you can believe me. Can trust me. Love the man I am now—a man who can’t play rugby, who will be a king, who loves you.’ He smiled crookedly, and his eyes glistened. ‘Can you love that man…all of him?’
Lucy thought of her own words on their wedding night: I married all of you. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I can.’ She reached up to cup his face with her hands, and felt the rough stubble against her fingers. ‘I do.’ Her voice didn’t tremble or waver; it came out strong and sure.
Finally she was cool, composed, in control. All the things she’d wanted to be, tried to be by hiding her fear, by pretending to be strong. Now, when she’d finally laid it bare, she felt strong. She was strong. She smiled. ‘I love you, Khaled. So much.’
He turned his head and let his lips brush her fingers. ‘Then there need be no more fear…for either of us.’
‘No.’ The realisation made her feel light, as if a shackling weight had suddenly turned to air, to nothing.
She was free. She was without fear.
She was in love.
Khaled gathered her into his arms and Lucy surrendered herself to the embrace, her cheek pressed against his shirt so she could feel the steady thudding of his heart.
Outside dusk settled into darkness and a peace stole softly around them. There were no words, no uncertainty.
Only love—pure, strong, sure.
Unafraid.
and
present
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