to the naked eye.’ She smiled sadly. ‘They are the scars left by my unhappy experience at André’s hands. Of uncertainty. Of questioning my self-worth.’
‘The devil they are.’
Georgianna nodded as Zachary scowled his displeasure at her admission. ‘Those scars make it difficult for me to believe that any man, any gentleman, could ever, would ever, want to be with me after— Zachary?’ she questioned sharply as he reached up to curl his fingers about her wrist before pulling her inside his candlelit study and closing the door firmly behind them. His eyes were a dark, unfathomable grey as he gazed down at her hungrily before his arms moved about her and he lowered his head to crush her lips beneath his own.
It would have been so easy to lose herself in that kiss. For Georgianna to give in completely to the arousal which instantly thrummed through her body. To feel gratified, to revel, in this proof that Zachary still desired her, at least.
But she could not. Dared not. Because she knew it would be all too easy to give in to those desires and for the two of them not to talk at all. And they needed the truth between the two of them, before, or if, there was to be any more lovemaking.
Georgianna wrenched her mouth from beneath Zachary’s even as she pushed against his chest to free herself.
His arms fell reluctantly away as he stepped back, his heavy lidded gaze now guarded. ‘I trust that answers your question as to whether or not you are wanted by me?’
She drew in a shaky breath, even more determined, after Zachary’s show of passion, to say all the things she knew needed to be said between them. ‘I made a mistake last year, Zachary, one for which so many people have suffered.’
‘You most of all,’ he pointed out gruffly.
She sighed equally as shakily. ‘I really was so very young, and even more foolish. I am ashamed to say that at the time I saw it all as a grand adventure, with no real thought for what the long-term consequences of my actions might be.’
‘Except to escape being married to me,’ Zachary reminded drily.
‘Yes.’ Georgianna’s gaze now avoided meeting his, as she began to pace the rug before the warmth of the fireplace. ‘And now I have so many things to thank you for, Zachary.’
His eyes widened. ‘What on earth...?’
‘I am so grateful for your own efforts, last year and now, to maintain my reputation in society,’ she continued determinedly. ‘So thankful that Jeffrey has had you to help him through these trying months since our father died. And...’ she looked up at him helplessly ‘...and, yes, I am more gratified than I have cared to admit, until now, that you have helped rid the world of a monster such as André Rousseau.’ That last admission was against everything she had been brought up to believe in regard to the sanctity of human life.
It was also, Georgianna now accepted, a large part of why she had been so angry with Zachary when he had informed her of André’s death. Because, having lived in fear of discovery by André these past few months, she had wanted him to be dead. Wished him so. And she had inwardly rejoiced yesterday when Zachary had told her André was indeed dead.
It was a reaction, a rejoicing, of which she had felt heartily ashamed.
But that shame and anger were directed towards herself, not Zachary. ‘I was ashamed to admit it until now,’ she admitted huskily.
‘But you loved him. Love him still, damn it.’
Her eyes widened. ‘I most certainly do not. I...’ She paused, chewing briefly on her bottom lip before continuing. ‘I fear I have been less than honest, with myself, and with you, on that matter.’
Zachary gave a grimace. ‘Your reaction yesterday, your distress, were evidence enough of how you felt. That you still had feelings for the man,’ he added harshly.
‘No,’ Georgianna denied vehemently. ‘Never that. Never,’ she repeated with a shudder of revulsion. ‘The truth of the matter is—I realised some time ago—Zachary, I do not believe I was ever truly in love with André.’ She gave a pained grimace at the admission. ‘I was very naïve, flattered by his attentions and desperate to escape a loveless marriage and, I now know, in love with love rather than André himself.’
Zachary stared at her searchingly for long, tense moments, before turning abruptly to cross the room and seat himself behind his imposing mahogany desk. That she had not loved Rousseau after all was no reason to suppose, to hope, she would ever love him.
‘I am gratified to you—’ he nodded ‘—for allowing me to know that Rousseau’s death has not succeeded in breaking your heart, as I previously believed it to have done.’
Georgianna could hear the but in his voice.
But the admission made no difference to the outcome of their own conversation, perhaps?
Whether or not that was true, Georgianna had no intentions of leaving here tonight without there being complete honesty between herself and Zachary. After which, fate, or rather Zachary, could do with her what it would. ‘Are you not interested to know how it is I came to be certain I was never in love with André?’
His mouth twisted wryly. ‘No doubt it is difficult to continue to love a man whom you knew had attempted to kill you.’
‘Indeed.’ She nodded ruefully. ‘Almost as difficult, in fact, as finding you have fallen in love with the very same gentleman whose hand in marriage you had once shunned so cruelly.’
Zachary rose sharply to his feet. ‘Georgianna?’ His eyes glittered as he gazed across at her uncertainly.
Her heart was now beating so erratically, so loudly in her chest, she felt sure that Zachary could not help but be aware of it, too, despite the distance between them. ‘It is the truth, Zachary.’ She forced herself to forge ahead, to not retreat or back down, now that she had come so far. ‘Since I returned to England you have shown me a side of yourself I did not know existed. That I did not even dare dream existed. On the outside you are so very much the cool and arrogant Duke of Hawksmere, so very much in control. But inwardly there is a kindness to you, one which you try to hide, but which shines through anyway.’
‘And you reached this conclusion by my having locked you in my bedchamber? By my making love to you at every opportunity?’ He raised incredulous brows.
‘I reached that conclusion by knowing that you could have been so much harsher with me, after the way I had behaved in the past. By knowing that you were complicit in protecting my reputation, despite that behaviour. By your overwhelming kindness to Jeffrey these past months. And by the realisation this evening, the certainty,’ she declared determinedly as he would have spoken, ‘that your reasons for seeing André dispatched were not, as I had supposed, because of loyalty to England, or because of a personal grudge you held against him, for having dared to elope with your future bride.’
‘Dear God, you thought that of me?’
Colour warmed the paleness of her cheeks. ‘I am ashamed to say it occurred to me those might be your reasons.’
‘I did it because of you, Georgianna. Because André had attempted to kill you.’ Zachary’s hands were clenched at his side.
It was as Georgianna had thought earlier when he’d pleaded
