hope, but he’d take what he could get. It had been so long since he’d felt any hope at all about his future, the future of Chambers Gin, or the things that Lila had ahead for her. He wouldn’t let her suffer, but some scars were unavoidable, and she would someday understand that her birth mother had chosen not to be there for her, not for the quiet moments like her first step and not for the big ones either—like her first day of school or her first boyfriend, God help him. If there was any justice in the world, Lila would grow up with two loving, adoring parents to soften the blow of the truth.
He counted on Lila’s presence to remind him that the world was still a beautiful place. Now he had Ashley to remind him of the same. Something inside him had been awakened, a part of him that he’d thought Elle had robbed him of. He’d let down his guard and love had come rushing in, the exact opposite of what he’d feared.
But there were two pieces of this beautiful puzzle that remained unsolved, and that scared him more than anything from his past. He couldn’t reason either thing away. He couldn’t think them away or ignore them. Ashley might be perfect for him, but she might not be perfect for Lila—and vice versa. Ashley was skittish about her ability to handle motherhood. There would be no choice but to end his love affair with Ashley if it proved to be a bad match. He would once again be dragged down into the hell he thought he’d never survive the first time.
And then there was her apartment. She was moving forward with her new builder tomorrow, and that meant moving forward with a life that didn’t include Marcus or Lila. He was trying so hard to stay calm, to keep things at a pace that she was comfortable with, but it was incredibly difficult. He wanted to race toward happily ever after, not wait and hope that it would all fall in place. That meant it was finally time to come out with the words he could no longer hold back.
“What do you want to do today?” she asked, resting her chin on his chest. She reached up and played with his chest hair then smiled at him.
She froze him in place with that smile, reminding him to take a breath—this was the way he wanted to feel. Right here, right now. She was the one, the real one. He took her hand in his, wishing he had a big fat engagement ring to put on her finger. “Before we make a single plan, I have to tell you something that I should’ve said days ago.”
“Okay...”
The leading tone of her voice suggested he might be about to scare her off, but he had to keep going, even if his heart was about to pound out of his chest. “I love you.”
Her smile rolled back across her face, ushering waves of profound relief for him. “I was starting to wonder if I was going to have to say it first.”
“So you’re saying?”
She nodded. “I love you, too, Marcus. I love you so much I feel like there are cartoon hearts coming out of my eyes every time I look at you.”
He laughed, her words warming him all over. She had such a way of putting things. “I look at you and my view of the entire world is better. Perfect, in fact.”
A rush of pink colored her cheeks. “That’s so sweet. You’re going to make me cry.”
“Don’t cry. I’d rather make you happy.”
She scooted closer and kissed him softly. “You do make me happy. And I have a confession to make. I think I’ve been falling for you all along.”
And to think they’d been on the same page for a while. “I know I have been. And it made me a real prat there for a while. I’m sorry for that, too, but it was frustrating to see you and feel like it wouldn’t work.” And would it work? For real? Forever?
“I wasn’t always on my best behavior either. I think we should both forget that chapter and start fresh.” She grinned again. She’d always been full of life, but now she showed him a universe of possibilities, a future.
“I couldn’t agree more. Which is why I want to call Joanna this morning and ask her to bring Lila home early. I want us to spend the day together. The three of us.”
“You do?” There was an edge to her voice that he’d heard before, full of caution.
“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
She turned onto her side and picked at the blanket with her fingernail. “I’m happy that you finally trust me to be with her, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me nervous. I’m not so naive to think the biggest obstacle between us is that easily overcome.”
His stomach knotted, but he tried to push past it. Ashley was not Elle. He knew that. Still... Ashley and Lila hadn’t spent any time together at all. That had seemed like the prudent, protective thing to do, but he’d never expected he would fall so head over heels in love. Now he regretted that he’d done things that way, but he couldn’t undo any of it. He had to give fate a nudge and hope that things would work out. It wouldn’t be Ashley’s fault if it didn’t work out. She’d never asked to become Lila’s mum.
“I don’t want you to worry about it. It’ll just be the three of us spending a Sunday together.”
She nodded slowly, but he could tell that the gears in her head were turning quickly. She was running away with thoughts of where this all went, and that was usually the moment when she started to panic. Precisely the reason he couldn’t bring up things like commitment, marriage or dismissing her new contractor.
“And then what?” she asked. “I can’t escape the feeling that this is a test, Marcus. What if we don’t hit it off? Then what? You tell me goodbye and I have to live across the hall from the man I love but can’t actually have?”
“Now you understand exactly how complicated my situation has been all along.”
“I always understood your situation. But I need you to see it differently or it’s always going to feel like I’m the outsider trying to find her place. Any hesitation from me isn’t about a fear of motherhood or responsibility, although I readily own up to both of those things. I can push past that. What scares me so much is that I can’t hurt you the way Elle hurt you. It would kill me to disappoint you like that. And then we’d both be heartbroken.”
He closed his eyes and kneaded his forehead. Moving forward with his plan was the only way to know. He and Ashley couldn’t hole up in his apartment forever. The world outside was still going round. Life was moving ahead. They needed to do the same. It was the only way to get what he truly wanted—a life with Ashley.
“I love that you love me enough to not want to break my heart. But I can’t fall out of love with you, Ashley. We can’t undo what’s been done. The only path for us is forward.”
She nodded. “Okay. Call Joanna. Let’s bring Lila home.”
* * *
Ashley was a messy tangle of nerves when the knock at the door came, announcing Lila and Joanna’s arrival.
“They’re here.” Marcus, dressed in his weekend attire of jeans and a T-shirt, rushed over to let them in.
“Hi, hi, hi,” Lila muttered in her sweet voice, practically launching herself out of Joanna’s arms to get to Marcus.
“There’s my girl.” Marcus pulled her to his chest, bundling her in his arms.
Ashley wasn’t
