our fast—Raschid did not attempt to argue or reason with me. Instead he told me that he had arranged for Achmed to visit the house and that if I positioned myself in his bedroom and looked out on to the courtyard I would see Achmed arrive. He begged me to wait until then before demanding to be freed of our betrothal.’ She spread her hands, laughingly. ‘What could I do? I agreed.’
‘And?’ pressed Felicia breathlessly.
Nadia laughed again.
‘And when I saw this outstandingly handsome young man walk nervously into the courtyard I knew my protests had been those of a maid who fears the intimacies of marriage, but when I looked into Achmed’s face and saw gentleness and understanding there, I knew there was nothing to fear. Raschid knew me better than I knew myself.’ Her eyes softened into an expression of shining pleasure. ‘I will say only this to you, Felicia. There are those of your race, and mine too, who anticipate their marriage vows, tossing away the kernel of the grain and keeping only the worthless husk, but there is no freedom, no equality that equals the pleasure of sharing the mysteries of one’s body with the husband of one’s heart, and knowing that those mysteries are revealed for him and him alone.’
The soft words almost moved Felicia to tears, expressing as they did sentiments she had always cherished but never been able to utter. In complete understanding they looked at one another, and Felicia knew that whatever Raschid might choose to believe of her, Nadia had guessed the truth.
As she got up to go, she pressed Felicia’s hand lightly. ‘Zahra tells me that Raschid has greatly wronged you. For her own sake she must tell him the truth, but he is a proud man, and apologising will not come easy. You will bear this in mind?’
And make it easy for him? Was that what Nadia was asking? Raschid was lucky in his family, Felicia thought enviously; they held him in high esteem.
‘You are very like Raschid’s grandmother,’ Nadia sighed. ‘But Zahra will already have told you this. My mother tells me that you and Faisal are friends.’
Sensing what was coming, Felicia said hurriedly, ‘Can we talk of this at a later date—after Zahra’s birthday? Nothing must be allowed to overshadow that.’
‘Indeed not,’ Nadia allowed, smiling, as she led her son away for his afternoon rest.
Felicia soon discovered that all the family shared Zahra’s love of the oasis, and the luxurious home Raschid’s grandfather had built there for his English wife. In the desert the family reverted to the ways of their ancestors, with the women gathering every morning to chat and drink coffee while Raschid and Achmed inspected the fruit farm on the other side of the oasis, and exercised the fiery Arab horses stabled in one of the outer courtyards. Zayad had attached himself to Felicia, following her wherever she went, much to the amusement of Nadia.
The day before Zahra’s birthday, when the men were out riding, a messenger arrived from Saud’s family inviting the ladies to drive over. Felicia was rather dubious as to whether or not the invitation was meant to include her, but Zahra and Nadia overruled her protests.
When the men returned, Zahra rushed to tell them the news. She exhibited no shyness in the presence of her brother-in-law, who in turn treated her with brotherly indulgence. Felicia liked Nadia’s husband. He was all the things she had once thought Faisal—kind, gentle, tender to his wife and affectionate with his son. Against her will her eyes were drawn to Raschid’s remote figure. How would he treat a wife? Never with tenderness!
He said something to Zahra and the younger girl shrugged and moved away. There was an air of constraint between them, and Felicia was sorry that Zahra had been disillusioned. From Nadia she knew that Zahra intended to confront Raschid with the truth, but she suspected that she was hoping for a more propitious moment. These seldom came, as Felicia knew from experience. She was still hoping to find a tactful way of breaking the news that she must soon return home. It was bound to cause speculation. Her original visit had had no time limit and it was generally accepted by Umm Faisal that she would stay with them until Faisal returned. That was no longer possible. Tonight she must write to him.
‘And is Felicia looking forward to meeting Saud’s family?’ Achmed asked with a twinkle. ‘You know, of course, how highly placed in Government circles they are?’
‘Saud cares nothing for his family’s prominence,’ Zahra explained self-consciously, but Felicia could tell that the younger girl was deliberately playing down Saud’s importance.
‘Now you see why it is so important that our family observes the proprieties,’ Raschid drawled. ‘Already in certain religious quarters there is unrest because our government has brought in so many modern reforms. The greatest tact is needed in equating the needs of the flesh with those of the spirit, and if a member of a prominent family were seen to be flouting the unwritten rules of behaviour it could be interpreted in some quarters as a direct contravention of the Koran itself. Zahra is especially vulnerable through her connection with me. Have you forgotten that I am Christian?’ he demanded.
Felicia had. She also saw much more than she had seen before.
‘There is a letter for you, Miss Gordon,’ Raschid added. ‘From Faisal. If you will come to my study…’
‘Raschid, if you have a moment there is something I should like to discuss with you,’ Zahra interrupted hurriedly. ‘I will come with you, Felicia, and then when Raschid has given you your letter he and I can talk.’
In vain Felicia tried to catch her eye to tell her that there was no need for her to confess her guilt to Raschid. As far as she was concerned the matter was over and done with, and besides, she doubted that anything would be gained by telling him the truth. Far better that Zahra put the episode completely behind her, but Zahra avoided her warning look and got to her feet, scattering silk-covered cushions.
‘Overspent your allowance again?’ Raschid commented humorously, opening the door for them.
‘Will you see Saud tomorrow, when we visit his family?’ Felicia asked Zahra as they walked behind Raschid.
She shook her head.
‘That would not be permitted. In fact we should not see one another at all until he lifts the veil from my face during the wedding ceremony, but you will find our visit interesting. His family owns an old fortress about two hours’ drive from the oasis, and his father still likes to spend at least a part of the year in the desert.’ She hesitated as Raschid disappeared into his study.
‘There’s still time to change your mind, you know,’ Felicia pointed out gently, but Zahra shook her head.
‘No, I’ve made up my mind. Let’s go in.’
In silence Felicia took her letter from Raschid’s outstretched hand, her eyes telling Zahra that there was still time for her to back down if she wished, but the younger girl resolutely ignored her, placing herself in front of Raschid, hands clasped together, head bent.
As she closed the door gently behind her, Felicia heard him say indulgently,
‘So, and what is this urgent matter you wish to discuss with me, little one?’
Little one! Just for a moment Felicia felt like a child herself—the child she had once been, deprived of love and affection, forced to see others more fortunate blessed with what was denied her. And then she shook the feeling off and retired to her room to read Faisal’s letter.
The words seemed to leap angrily off the paper, a bitter
