All her dreams were dead now. Every last one. He wanted her, but not enough for marriage. He was telling her so.
He shrugged, confused and feeling faintly hunted. “One woman never has,” he said curtly. “I don’t want to be tied.”
“God forbid that I should try,” Abby said, forcing a smile. “Don’t worry, Calhoun, I was just…experimenting. I wondered why you were so rough with me the other morning, and I wanted to see if passion made people rough. I guess it does, because that’s how I felt tonight. Thanks for the…the lesson.”
He frowned slightly, searching her eyes. “Is that all it felt like. An experiment? A lesson in making love?”
“Tyler said I needed teaching,” she said with a yawn, missing the flash of fury in his face. “But I don’t anymore.” She closed her eyes and turned her face against the pillow. “I’m sleepy.”
Calhoun sat watching her, his eyes stormy. She’d used him. That was all she’d wanted. She’d been experimenting, seeing how it felt to be touched. Damn her!
He got up, glaring at the lacy bra he’d removed from her soft breasts just before she’d let him touch them. Let him! God, she’d helped him! His blood ran hot at the memory of how uninhibited she’d been with him tonight. Had she been competing with Shelby, or had it been curiosity alone? Could she care about him and be hiding it? And how did he feel? Did he just want her physically, or was it more than that? Could he bear the loss of his freedom? Because it would come to that if he took her. Marriage. Trap.
He tossed the bra onto the chair beside her bed and took a long last look at her sleeping face. She didn’t need to be blond. She was exquisite. Her long hair was spread out around her, her lashes were feathering her flushed cheek, and her parted lips were pink and faintly swollen because he’d been hungry. She was delicious. Virginal and sweet-tasting and exquisitely beautiful without her clothes. He wondered if he’d ever get over the taste of her—if he’d be able to forget. Hell, would he ever be able to have another woman, or would the memory of Abby always stand in the way?
He opened the door and went out, closing it quietly behind him. He should never have touched her in the first place, he thought furiously.
He had to get away for a while. Far away, so that he could think things through. Now that he’d touched Abby, it was going to be the purest kind of hell keeping his hands off her. And Justin wouldn’t like having that sort of loveplay going on, not if it threatened Abby. Calhoun knew that if he took Abby into his arms again, it wasn’t going to end with a few kisses. He wanted her too badly, and she was too responsive. He aroused her as no man ever had. That meant she’d give herself to him with hardly any coaxing. Calhoun was terrified that he might lose his head and take her.
He didn’t want marriage. He didn’t want ties. Abby wouldn’t understand that. In her world, lovemaking meant marriage. Maybe in his, too, when the woman was a virgin. He didn’t like the noose she was tying around his neck, but he hated the thought of never touching her again almost as much.
She was heaven to love. Her mouth was young and sweet and so eager to learn. Her body was nectar. Just the sight of it made him drunk, not to mention the exquisite feel of it between his hands, under his skin.
Abby, he groaned inwardly as he made his way to his own room. He couldn’t have her and he couldn’t give her up. He didn’t know what in hell he was going to do. Maybe when he got back from wherever he wound up he would have reached a decision.
He sat down at the small desk in a corner of his room and wrote Justin a note telling him he was going away for a few days to check on some stockers in Montana. Justin might think it strange, but Abby wouldn’t. He wondered how she was going to feel when she woke up and found him gone. He hoped she wouldn’t even remember what they’d done in her bed together. But even if she did, that was going to be one private memory. Abby wouldn’t share it any more than he would.
Abby groaned the minute the light got to her eyes. She had the world’s biggest headache, and nausea sat in the pit of her stomach like acid.
She managed to get on her feet and into the bathroom, where she bathed her face with cold water and pressed a cold cloth against her eyes. She remembered drinking whiskey in the study with Justin. Then Calhoun had taken her to bed, and—
Her head jerked up. In the mirror her eyes looked wild, and her paleness had been eclipsed by a scarlet blush. She’d let Calhoun see her. Worse, she’d let him touch her. She swallowed. Well, at least she remembered that he’d stopped before she’d gone to sleep, so nothing unspeakable had happened, thank God. As more of the details of her eagerness came back, she groaned in embarrassment. She’d never be able to look at him again, although what had happened would make the sweetest of memories to tuck in a corner of her mind for solace in her old age. Calhoun would never settle down or fall in love with her. He’d be forever out chasing his blondes. But this was something of him that Abby would always have. A tiny crumb of loving to live on.
Now she understood what had happened that morning in her room. He hadn’t been rough on purpose. He’d wanted her. It gave her the oddest feeling of pride that she could have thrown him that far off balance. She was almost sure that no other woman ever had. Looking back, she thought she must have seemed terribly naive to him for reacting that way to an intimate kiss. But at the time his actions had seemed shocking and frightening. For all her dreams about Calhoun, she hadn’t realized what the reality of his lovemaking would be like. Now that she knew, it was like an addiction. She wanted more. But could she afford the risk of letting him that close again?
A sob racked her slender body. Well, she had to get herself together. She had to remember her pride. She held her aching head. She had to remember, most of all, to never accept a drink of whiskey from Justin again! Or from anyone, for that matter. Drowning one’s sorrows was vastly overrated. She’d tried it, and now she knew that it only brought hangovers, not oblivion.
She put on a gray slacks suit with a blue blouse, left her hair around her shoulders because she was hurting too much to worry with putting it up, and pulled on a pair of sunglasses. Then she felt her way down the staircase and into the dining room.
Justin was sitting at the table with his head in his hands. He was dressed in jeans and a blue checked shirt, and when he looked up, his eyes looked even worse than Abby’s.
“Nice touch,” he remarked, noticing the dark glasses. “I wish I had mine, but they’re out in the car.”
“You look like I feel,” Abby said as she sat down, very gently, in the chair beside him, grimacing because even that slight jarring made her head feel like bursting. “How are we going to work today?”
“Beats me,” Justin replied. “Calhoun’s gone.”
Her heart skipped a beat, and she was glad she was wearing dark glasses. “Is he?”
“Skipped town. Gone to Montana to look at stockers, or so he said.” He fumbled for a cigarette and lit it. “I’m rather disappointed. I had consoled myself all morning with the thought of beating the hell out of him for last night.”
“How selfish,” Abby muttered as she tried to pour herself a cup of hot coffee from the carafe. “I ought to get in a lick or two of my own.”
“I’ll sit on him, you can hit him,” Justin offered. He sipped black coffee and smoked
