He opened the door as quietly as he could; the bedroom was swathed in darkness, the shades drawn down against the night sky, the only light coming from the adjoining bathroom, the door ajar.
Mia lay on her side, her hair spread across the pillow in a golden sheet, Ella in the middle of the bed, cradled gently in her arm, both of them fast asleep. As Alessandro came closer he saw that Ella had finished feeding; a milk bubble frothed at her lips, one fist flung upwards by her round cheek. His gaze moved to Mia, and something in him jolted as he saw she’d changed into a white cotton nightgown, its buttons undone so she could feed Ella, one creamy breast on display.
All of it together—mother, child—was beautiful to him, and made him ache and yearn even more than he had before. More than he’d ever let himself.
He wanted this. Not just Mia, not just Ella. All of it together. Them. A family, the family he’d always ached for but never known. Finally, it could be his. He hadn’t even realised how much he’d been missing it until it was here, offered up in front of him, tantalising and beautiful.
Resolution crystallised inside him, sharpening into focus. Whatever it took, whatever it meant, he was going to knit them into a family. He would make Mia leave her regrets and fears behind; he would work hard to make her want this as much as he did. He’d worked hard for everything in his life, he could work hard at this too, the most important thing. The most important business deal he’d ever make. Not a hostile takeover as Mia had once suggested, but a true and purposeful merger. A marriage.
Carefully, as quietly as he could, he took off his shoes and belt, leaving his clothes on for form’s sake as he stretched out on the bed next to Mia, gently putting his arm around her. She stirred, and he waited, his breath held, wondering what she would do. Then she let out a breathy sigh and relaxed into him, her body softening against his.
Desire and something far, far deeper roared through him, elemental and overwhelming. Yes, he wanted this. He wanted it with every fibre of his being. And he would have it. Eventually he would have it.
Alessandro didn’t know how long he slept, but he woke when Mia shifted next to him, gasping as she sat up, her hair tumbled about her shoulders, her face flushed.
‘I didn’t mean to fall asleep…’
Alessandro blinked the sleep from his eyes as he took in the magnificent sight of her, her body rosy and soft with sleep, her eyes bright, her nightgown still unbuttoned.
‘I thought that was your intention when you lay down in bed,’ he said, keeping his voice light.
‘I was feeding Ella, and then I was going to put her in the Moses basket.’ She nodded towards the sleeping basket that had been in her apartment, and had been brought to the plane. It was next to the bed, made up with a fleece-lined blanket.
‘She can go in there now.’
‘I shouldn’t have fallen asleep with her on the bed,’ Mia said. She sounded upset. ‘It can be dangerous…’
‘She’s fine, Mia. Look.’ With one hand on her shoulder, he turned her so they could both look at their tiny, sleeping daughter. ‘She’s fine. No harm done.’ He rubbed her shoulder, a touch meant for comfort but which made him decidedly less so. Her skin was warm and soft, her nightgown slipping off her shoulder. He fought the urge to slip his hand inside and cup the breast he’d already seen and that was quite, quite perfect.
‘Still…’ Mia muttered. She sounded half-asleep.
‘I’ll put her in the basket now.’ Awkwardly but tenderly Alessandro scooped Ella up, conscious of her fragility, her utter smallness. He still wasn’t used to holding her.
The baby barely stirred as he laid her in the Moses basket, drawing the blanket over her. Then he returned to the bed, where Mia had already fallen back to sleep.
Gently he brushed a tendril of hair away from her cheek, letting his fingers skim along her silky skin. Her breath came out in a soft sigh and she relaxed against him, her body warm and pliant.
Alessandro shifted so he was lying behind her, one arm around her waist. Awareness prickled painfully through him. Sleep, he knew, would be elusive. Then Mia sighed again and wriggled closer to him, so her bottom was nestled against his groin, her head tucked under his chin. Yes, sleep would be very elusive indeed.
Alessandro kept his body relaxed so Mia would stay asleep, savouring her closeness even as it remained an exquisite form of torture. He breathed in her citrusy scent, revelling in her soft warmth, the nearness of her.
He never slept with the women he bedded. He’d always operated alone, on every level. He’d been happy with that. Yet now he found her closeness comforting, a balm as well as an undoubted enticement. He desired her, but he was also content to have her simply lie in his arms. For now, it was enough. It was more than he’d ever had before.
For a few moments he let his mind drift back over the years of his childhood, the loneliness, the uncertainty, the endless turmoil of being moved from one grotty flat to another, the parade of boyfriends who had raged or sneered or used their fists. And his mother…
But that hurt most of all. He tried never to think of his mother, to remember the look of weary defeat on her face, the words she’d said to him, too exhausted by life to be spiteful. They’d been simple truth.
‘I wish I’d never had you.’
No, he didn’t want to think of that. And he didn’t want his daughter to wonder, even for a day, a minute, if he felt that way about her. He would love Ella the way his mother and father had never loved him. And he would build a marriage with Mia that would be better than the candyfloss froth of fairy tales, a solid relationship of affection and companionship without losing control or being vulnerable the way his mother had been. The way he’d so often felt, as a child.
And yet he recognised, as Mia slept in his arms, that he’d already lost control, in some small but elemental way. Already he’d been more open and vulnerable, more emotional, with her than he ever had with anyone before…not that she would recognise that.
He still did, and it unsettled him. He’d never told anyone about his parents, or how he’d felt as a child. Already she knew more about him than anyone else, ever.
Somehow he was going to have to find a way to have the family he wanted without losing himself in the process. He could not relinquish the solitary independence he’d cultivated since he could remember. He didn’t know who he would be without it. And yet he wanted Mia and Ella in his life. He wanted the three of them to be a family.
He must have slept, because bright sunlight was visible underneath the rim of the shades as he stirred in bed, Mia wrapped even more tightly in his arms. In her sleep she’d rolled over to him, and now she was squashed up next to him so he could feel every delectable line and curve of her warm, warm body.
Her eyes fluttered open and she stared straight into his, her body stiffening as she realised how close they were.
‘Good morning,’ he said softly. ‘Ella is still asleep.’
Mia glanced down at their nearly entwined bodies, her breasts spilling out of her nightgown, pressed up against him. Colour flooded her face as she tensed even more.
‘What…?’
‘You
