for that right now?’ Layla asked. ‘What if I only want a fling to get some experience under my belt? What would be wrong with you being the person who helps me with that?’
He turned back to look at her, his fisted hands clenching and unclenching by his sides as if he was fighting the urge to come back and haul her into his arms. ‘I’m trying to do the right thing by you, Layla. I try to do the right thing by everyone I care about and yet I always seem to screw up.’
‘I’m sorry for not telling you…’
He approached her again, his expression wistful, the gentle stroke of his finger down the slope of her cheek making her heart swell to twice its size. ‘None of this is your fault, sweetheart. None of it.’
Layla grasped his wrist and turned his hand over so she could plant a soft kiss to the middle of his palm. ‘I’m glad it was you. I mean, that you were my first lover.’
His eyes smouldered for a long moment, his fingers entwining with hers. ‘It was pretty damn good, wasn’t it?’ His voice had a side note of gravel that made her inner core tingle.
‘Does that mean you’re going to tweak the rules?’
A shadow drifted through his gaze and he let out a sigh and released her hand. ‘Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.’ He softened it with a crooked smile. ‘I couldn’t have asked for a more generous and responsive lover. But there are consequences to factor in if we take this any further.’
‘I know,’ Layla said. ‘But I’m prepared to accept the consequences if you are.’
He traced the line of her lower lip with his finger, his expression sobering once more. ‘Thing is…it’s kind of scary how little I care about the consequences right now, which is why I’m going to sleep in the spare room. We both need some space to think clearly.’
Layla flopped back down on the pillows once he left the room. She didn’t need space. She needed him.
Logan gave up on any notion of sleeping for the rest of the night. He paced one of the spare bedrooms with his thoughts as tangled as fishing line. He could not forgive himself for not realising Layla’s lack of experience. How could he have been so blind? In hindsight, all the clues were there. He had never heard any mention of a boyfriend, he had never seen her bring anyone home to Bellbrae, and although he knew little of her life in Edinburgh, she had given him the impression she was experienced with her misleading and ambiguous comments about her past love life. And he’d fallen for it, because he’d wanted an excuse to sleep with her. That was the part of his conscience he was struggling with the most. He had broken his own rules—the rules he had instated to protect her from unnecessary hurt.
And he had gone and done it anyway.
He sucked in a jagged breath and released it in a rush. He had done it because ever since that day in the north tower, he had felt something shift in their relationship. A tectonic shift. He couldn’t be in the same room as her without feeling the subtle change in energy. Sensual energy that tingled and tightened his skin and made him want and want and want with an ache that wouldn’t go away, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it.
And that was another tripwire in his conscience—he’d enjoyed every pulse-racing minute of their lovemaking. It had been off the scale in terms of pleasure. Satisfying in a way sex hadn’t been for him for years. The intuitive connection of their bodies, the rhythm and timing of every movement had felt so natural, so fluid and free and phenomenal it still rang in his flesh like a struck tuning fork.
Logan walked to the windows overlooking the ocean, trying to distract himself with the view, but it was no good.
How could you have not known? What were you thinking? You hurt her.
He wanted to blank them out but a perverse part of him relished in the self-flagellation. It was no more than he deserved. He had once thought he was pretty good at reading people but not now. His disastrous and tragic relationship with his fiancée had taught him otherwise. And now this situation with Layla had only reinforced it.
He was rubbish at relationships. How could he hope to change that abysmal track record? Was there any point even trying?
The journey back to Scotland was painfully silent. Layla tried once or twice to engage Logan in conversation on the flight but he only answered in monosyllables and seemed preoccupied with his thoughts. He rarely touched her. In fact, he seemed to be avoiding all contact, even eye contact. Was he still regretting their lovemaking? He had been so tender and considerate afterwards that a hope had sprouted in her chest that maybe he would agree to deepening their relationship. Had he weighed up the potential consequences and decided it wasn’t worth it?
That she wasn’t worth it?
On the drive back to Bellbrae from Inverness airport, Logan drove with clenched hands and jaw, his forehead creased in a perpetual frown, which didn’t nurture her fledgling hope one little bit.
‘You know, we’re not going to be very convincing as a married couple if we don’t even exchange a few polite words now and again,’ Layla said.
He flicked her a glance. ‘Sorry. Did you say something?’
She gave a humourless laugh. ‘I’ve been trying to make conversation with you ever since we left Honolulu. You’ve barely spoken four or five words to me. I guess the honeymoon is definitely over, then?’
He flinched at the word ‘honeymoon’ and his hands tightened like clamps on the steering wheel. ‘I can’t tell you how much I regret what happened. I hate myself for hurting you.’
‘I wish you’d stop making such an enormous deal about it. So what if we had sex? Even perfect strangers have sex with each other. Besides, no harm has been done.’
His gaze swung her way again. ‘Hasn’t it?’
‘Of course not.’ Layla surreptitiously squeezed her legs together, secretly enjoying the pull of still tender muscles that his intimate presence had caused. She had relived their lovemaking numerous times, remembering each touch, each caress, each kiss that had set her flesh on fire and left it thrumming with pleasure. Her body ached to feel his presence again, to experience more of his magical lovemaking. To explore the sensuality that had erupted so naturally between them and shown her a world of heady and erotic delights she hadn’t known existed. She kept her hands planted on her lap but she longed to place her hand on his thigh like a lover would do.
The rest of the journey continued in mutual silence but just as they approached the long driveway leading to the Bellbrae estate, Logan let out a stiff curse, not quite under his breath.
‘What’s wrong?’ Layla asked.
‘That’s Robbie’s new car,’ he said, indicating the flashy red sports car ahead of them on the driveway. ‘God only knows how he’s paying for it. It’s worth five hundred thousand euros at least.’
Layla looked ahead to see the sports car’s wheels spinning over the gravel, spraying stones out to each side and it reminded her yet again of the stark differences between the two brothers. Logan was steady, reliable and cautious, someone who thought
