‘Where did you go afterwards?’ Dora asked.
‘Just back to his place for a while,’ Jessie said nonchalantly.
‘And?’
‘He has a very nice house. Not unlike yours.’
‘And?’
‘It has a glorious view of the ocean and it’s chock-full of antiques. Kane must be worth a fortune.’
‘And?’
‘And what?’
‘Jessie Denton, did you or did you not go to bed with the man?’
Jessie blushed at this unexpectedly forthright question. ‘Don’t ask questions like that, Dora. Emily might hear.’
‘Not at this distance, she won’t,’ Dora replied.
They were sitting at the small plastic table setting outside their communal laundry, which was a good way from where Emily was happily playing in her fig-tree cubby house.
Jessie sighed. ‘Yes, I did,’ she confessed.
‘Good,’ Dora pronounced. ‘He’s a really nice man.’
Jessie clenched her teeth hard in her jaw lest she open her mouth and say something to disillusion Dora.
‘And he really likes Emily,’ Dora added.
‘He divorced his wife because he didn’t want children,’ Jessie couldn’t resist throwing into the conversation.
‘What? Are you sure about that?’
‘Positive. He told me so himself.’
‘Strange. He doesn’t act like a man who doesn’t like children. He’s very patient, for starters. And kind.’
‘Maybe he just doesn’t like babies. Emily is not a baby.’
‘True. But that’s a shame. I thought he might have been the one.’
‘Which one is that?’
‘The one who’ll marry you and be a father to Emily. She’s very keen on that idea, you know.’
No, Jessie didn’t know. ‘You mean, on having a father? She’s never spoken about it to me. Emily hasn’t missed out on anything, not having a father,’ she argued defensively.
‘How do you know? She’s a deep little thinker, your Emily. She sees other fathers coming to pick up their children at the day-care centre. She might have been wanting a father for ages, but didn’t want to say anything to upset you. She loves her mummy a great deal but I think she’d love to have a daddy, too. That’s why Kane’s been such a big hit with her. And why she asked if you two were going to get married last night.’
Jessie’s heart turned over. It was already happening, what she’d feared all along. If she kept seeing Kane, Emily was going to get more and more attached to him and one day, poof, he’d be gone and her little girl would be broken-hearted. Her own broken heart she could cope with. She was a grown-up. But how could you explain to a four-year-old that adult relationships didn’t always end in marriage? They usually just ended.
‘He wants to take me and Emily out this Sunday,’ Jessie said with a worried frown on her face. ‘I’m going to have to call him and tell him no.’ She should never have said yes in the first place. She was weak, weak, weak!
‘But why, for pity’s sake?’
‘Because it’s not fair on Emily, letting her think he really likes her. It’s not Emily he wants, Dora. It’s just me.’
‘You don’t know that. Ask him.’
‘No. He’ll only lie to me.’
Dora looked at her with shocked eyes. ‘I knew you were cynical, Jessie. I didn’t realise you were that cynical. For what it’s worth, I think you’re making a big mistake. He’s a nice man and deserves a chance. Not only that, you deserve a chance. And Emily, too. Don’t make hasty decisions. Give your relationship with Kane a bit of time. OK, so it might not work out, but if you don’t try you’ll never know. Life can be cruel but it can also be wonderful. You have to believe that or life isn’t worth living. I was very lonely and depressed till you and Emily came along. In fact, I was in danger of being a miserable old witch of a woman, I was so full of regrets and resentments. But you brought some light into my life. You and Emily. You’re a lovely girl, Jessie Denton, but where men are concerned you’re way too hard. And way too distrustful. I’ve seen a lot of life and I’d put my money on Kane being a decent man. He might even change his mind about having children now that he’s become involved with you and Emily. People can change, you know.’
Jessie didn’t think that a man who divorced his wife over that single issue was likely to change. At the same time, she supposed she was being a bit hard on him. He’d really been wonderfully warm and considerate last night. He had the capacity to be a sensitive new-age guy as well; he was very capable in the kitchen. And he could give a massage like a professional. He made a great boyfriend and lover, even if not a husband and father.
She’d be out of her mind to voluntarily give him up. Just the thought of never experiencing again what she’d experienced last night made her feel sick. At the same time, she had to make some firm ground rules between them. No pretend family outings. No coming over till Emily was asleep at night. And no expecting her to stay at his place all night on the occasions they did go out.
There! That was reasonable.
Kane didn’t think so when she rang him during Emily’s after-lunch nap.
‘You’re being ridiculous again,’ he growled. ‘About everything. Jessie, I really like you. No, that’s a lie. I love you, damn it.’
Jessie gasped into the phone.
‘Yes, yes, I’m sure you don’t believe me. But it’s true.’
‘It’s you who’s being ridiculous,’ Jessie countered once she got over her shock. ‘I know what you love, Kane Marshall, and it isn’t the real me. It’s the silly, weak woman I became last night. I don’t know what got into me to let you do all those things. My only excuse is that I hadn’t been with a man in such a long time. And, of course, you seemed to know just what to do to tap into my dark side.’
‘Your dark side? I wasn’t trying to tap into your dark side, sweetheart. Just your feminine side. That side you put on hold most of the time whilst you’re being one tough mamma who thinks all men are lying scumbags who couldn’t possibly love you or want you for anything other than sex. For pity’s sake, I know you’ve been hurt by other men in the past. Your less than admirable father and that creep, Lyall. But that doesn’t mean all men are bad. You don’t like other people misjudging you, or jumping to conclusions over your morals, but you’re only too ready to jump to conclusions over mine.’
Jessie winced. He was right. She knew he was right.
‘You’re a wonderful girl, Jessie,’ he said more gently. ‘But you really need to get that chip off your shoulder. I want you in my life.
