he admitted shamelessly. ‘Now they’re ruined.’
‘So what are you going to do about it?’
‘Oh, I always have a Plan B.’ He chuckled.
Yeah, the guy was so confident in his ability to turn even the worst situation to something favourable. His plan involved charming the pants off her, no doubt. But while he was incredibly focused in his attention on her, somehow he made it impossible to get past his front. It wasn’t that he wasn’t genuine—unlike Nathan, she knew Ruben was honest in his desire to be with her. But while he answered her questions, he wouldn’t let her past a certain point in his reserve. He closed conversation down or switched focus. But Ellie was both curious and determined not to let him have it all his own way.
‘Don’t think I’m handing over my bike to you,’ she said, remaining firmly astride her vehicle. ‘You’re too reckless.’
He walked right in her path, leaning forward to put his hands over hers on the handlebars. ‘You’re going to make me walk back?’
‘I’ll drive, you give directions.’
‘You do like to be in control of the situation, don’t you?’ he muttered.
In less than ten seconds she knew she’d made a mistake. He’d come round and climbed behind her and was now way too close with his hands too firm around her waist. If she’d been the one to take the rear position she could have made it less intimate.
‘You don’t have to hold so tight, you know,’ she said firmly. ‘I’m not going to drive that fast.’
All she felt then was the laughter vibrating in his chest. She wanted to lean back and absorb it some more. Instead, she put the engine on full throttle.
‘Wow, you really know what you’re doing,’ he commented after she rode them out of the roughest part of the riverbed at high speed. ‘You could go on one of those extreme environment survivor shows. Wild Mountain Woman or something.’
‘Don’t get too carried away.’ She slowed down to hear him better. ‘It’s not like I’m going to rappel down a rock face using a rope I’ve plaited out of dental floss,’ she scoffed. ‘I know my own limitations.’
‘Really? What’s your limit?’
She ignored the innuendo and answered honestly. ‘I still get a bit scared of heights.’
‘Still?’
‘I get a bit funny in the tummy but most of the time I can manage to control it.’ She eased back more as she came to a badly bogged bit. ‘My dad is really into rock-climbing and mountaineering and stuff. He’d be in his element here.’
‘You go climbing with him?’
‘When I was younger I did,’ she said briefly. ‘If I wanted to spend time with him, he was usually somewhere precarious so I had to suck it up.’
‘And you wanted to spend time with him?’
‘Sure.’ He was her dad. All her life she’d wanted his attention and approval—until she’d grown up enough to accept it wasn’t ever going to be forthcoming. ‘I’ve never really understood his need to conquer nature, though. I mean, yes, appreciate the beauty, respect the elements, come and enjoy it. But why does he have to beat it? Where’s the rush in risking life and limb? Man versus nature? Nature is always going to win.’
‘Hmm.’ Ruben grunted a kind of agreement. ‘Where does he live?’
‘He has an outdoor equipment store in one of those ski towns not too far up the road from here.’
‘Oh.’ A pause. ‘Did you want to see him while you’re down here?’
‘No.’
Another slight pause. ‘What about your mum? She’s into the outdoors too?’
‘No, she’s the total opposite. While Dad’s all mountain man, she’s city-queen. She lives in Sydney.’
‘They’re divorced?’
‘Have been for nearly twenty years.’
She heard his whistle. ‘How’d they manage to meet and marry in the first place?’
‘They were a fling, she got pregnant. They tried to make it work but, really, it was never going to. It would have been easier if they’d ended it sooner.’
‘But they wanted you,’ he said, as if that made it all okay.
Sometimes she thought it would have been better if they’d adopted her out to a couple who’d been desperate to have kids. Yes, she was grateful to them for making the decision to have her, but to raise her themselves? They were too selfish for that. Neither had wanted to give up the things important to them. Ellie had had to fit in—to tag along. But she’d never felt truly wanted, never once felt as if she could make them happy. Just once, just for once, she wanted to be the centre of the universe. Not to have to try to squeeze herself into some contortion to fit into the box of someone else’s life. Every kid wanted her parents’ undivided attention and love. No kid could ever have enough—especially if they’d been starved of it.
‘They did the shared-custody thing, but that was because neither wanted me full time.’
His grip on her waist tightened as he pressed in even closer. ‘What do you mean neither wanted you full time?’
‘I mean exactly that.’ Ellie hesitated—did she really want to go into this? Nothing put a guy off more than a woman who went on about her exes or unhappy home life. Men hated drama. And Ruben had already declared he wasn’t into the whole ‘being there’ deal. Given that, it was probably wise to talk about it. Tell him all the crap to turn his interest off and shore up her own resistance. So she slowed more so he could hear her easily.
‘You know, week about? One week with Mum, one week with Dad,’ she explained. ‘Everybody thinks it’s great. You get double of everything. Different rules, different homes. Supposedly you can get away with stuff because you say the other parent “would let you”. But for me it wasn’t like that. I wouldn’t have minded a few more rules—at least then it might have felt like they cared.’
Some spats between them, some arguments over her welfare might have made things seem more normal. But the arguments had been because both her parents preferred their child-free week. The week they had scheduled with her was the one that hindered them. She’d heard the whispered fury when one had tried to get out of a weekend or a week of responsibility. The annoyance of having to have her—that her presence meant ruined plans. They’d each wanted their time away from her so badly. So instead of doing what she wanted, she’d tried so hard to do whatever it was that they wanted to do. To blend, to be good, to please. The only thing that had been easy was the actual move. Trying to fit into each destination was the exhausting bit. In the end she’d just kept quiet in her room, watching her favourite movies. And when old enough, hanging with some girlfriends, and then finding attention in the arms of guys who wanted what she had to offer, but didn’t want to give what she needed.
‘You’re their only child?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, that’s a good
