done a set of interviews by phone, speaking with several news reporters live on various television and radio programs, and now she was exhausted. The situation in Aliz had exploded onto the international scene in greater force with Brun’s speech.
Everyone wanted to know where she was, but she’d kept that information private. She just couldn’t bear to have the press show up at Raj’s door after everything they’d shared here together.
She found Raj on the terrace, a laptop computer open and glowing as he studied the information there. He looked up when she arrived, his eyes flickering over her before settling on her face again.
The hunger she usually saw in his gaze was missing. Her stomach did a somersault. Resolutely, she walked over to his side and touched him, stroked her fingers along his jaw. He caught her hand in his, then removed it from his skin with a quick kiss to her palm. He stood and moved away before she could reach for him again.
She stood there, stinging with the ache of rejection, hoping she was reading the situation wrong.
Knowing she was not.
“So this is how it ends,” she said, her throat aching.
He looked up, as if he was surprised she’d said it instead of pretending. And then he pushed his fingers through his hair. “I think it’s best, don’t you?”
“Why is it best? What rulebook says there is a specific way we have to do this? We—” she swallowed, knowing she couldn’t say the word she really wanted to say, especially since she only knew it was true on her part”—enjoy each other.”
“We hardly know each other, Veronica.” He looked away, his jaw firming. “We’ve had sex, nothing more.”
Sex, nothing more.
Oh, God.
“I thought there was more.”
He swore. “This is why I tried not to be so weak, why I tried to deny myself when I wanted you. Because it won’t work, Veronica. We both know it.”
She clenched her fists at her sides, her eyes blurring. Angrily, she dashed the tears away. She was not about to cry. Not now, not when she’d just gotten a second chance in Aliz. She should feel happy, triumphant—instead, she felt desolate, ruined, as if nothing mattered.
It was too similar to the way she’d felt a few months ago. And that angered her far more than anything else ever could.
“I didn’t realize you were a coward, Raj.”
His eyes flashed as he glared at her. “I know what you’re trying to do. It won’t work.” He closed the distance between them, gripped her shoulders in his strong hands. “Didn’t you listen to a damn thing I told you earlier? I don’t know how to have a home, a family. I don’t want those things. You do, and I won’t give you false hope just because I’m addicted to you.”
A part of her—a tiny part—soared when he said he was addicted to her. But it wasn’t enough, she knew that. Wasn’t enough for him or for her. It hurt to think that it was only sex between them. But for him, it was.
“You won’t even try,” she said.
“No,” he replied, letting her go again. “I won’t. Because I know who I am, Veronica. I’ve had a lot of years to learn. And I won’t hurt you by trying to be something I’m not.”
She wrapped her arms around her body, trying to stave off the sudden chill that threatened to make her teeth chatter. It wasn’t cold in the least, but she felt as if he’d turned into a block of ice—and she was freezing simply from being too close. “God forbid you challenge your own assumptions.”
“Veronica—”
“No,” she snapped, taking a step closer to him again, jabbing her finger into his chest. “If you’re so damn smart, and know so much, then why didn’t you just tell me no in the first place? No matter how much I wanted you, you could have said no. You could have spared us both.”
He raised his hands as if to surrender. “You’re right. I could have. I didn’t because I’m human. Because I can be a selfish bastard. Because I still want the things I know I can’t have.”
“After everything I told you,” she said, sucking in a harsh breath. She couldn’t complete the sentence without screaming.
“Yes, after everything. Because I’m a man, and you’re a damn sexy woman who was hot for me. It’d take a saint to say no to you.”
Fury swelled inside her until she thought she would burst if she didn’t act. She wanted to slap him, wanted to smack the arrogance right off his face. But she couldn’t hit him, couldn’t hit anyone.
It was so, so wrong.
And it was her fault, too. She wasn’t blameless in this. It was her fault that she’d told herself whatever he could give her was enough.
It wasn’t.
“I trusted you, Raj. Losing my baby was the most devastating thing that ever happened to me. I didn’t think I could feel again, didn’t think I—”
She pressed a fist to her chest, throat aching. She couldn’t say another word. If she did, she would scream. He was looking at her, his expression stark.
Well, that’s how she felt, too. Stark. Empty.
“You don’t need me, Veronica,” he said. “You’re strong enough and brave enough on your own. And you’ll find what you’re looking for. Someday.”
“I’m not so sure,” she said, half to herself. “I knew this was inevitable.” She tossed her hair defiantly. “Hell, maybe you are right. Maybe it’s better this way. Because you wouldn’t have wanted me once you knew the truth.”
His gaze sharpened, his body stilling. As if he were a hunter scenting prey.
“The truth?” He sounded so dangerous.
She didn’t care. What did it matter? She looked him in the eye. “It’s my fault my baby died. So you see, even if you wanted a family, I’m not the sort of woman you’d want to take that chance with.”
He swore, a rude word she’d never heard him use before. “I’ve spent enough time with you to know that’s not true. You aren’t responsible for your miscarriage, no matter what kind of crazy idea you’ve got into your head about it.”
Anguish ate her from the inside out. “Don’t tell me I’m not responsible! You weren’t there. I didn’t know I was pregnant, Raj. I kept drinking, kept staying out late and having a good time—by the time I knew I was pregnant, the damage had been done.”
He put his hands on her shoulders—firmly—and forced her to look at him. “Women don’t lose babies because they drink alcohol, Veronica. Haven’t you ever seen a drug addict have a child? The baby is usually born with devastating health problems, but the baby is born. A few drinks didn’t kill your child.”
Her stomach was a solid ball of pain. “You don’t know that.”
His
