assure you, I am not. If you cannot find another who suits you, and do not wish to accept any of the other base offers made to you, then have me.’
‘Most certainly not.’ She had blurted out the words before she could stop to think how they might sound.
He looked up at her, eyes glazed with shock, and skin white, but with a streak of colour on each cheek as though she had slapped him hard. ‘May I ask why?’
‘I should think that would be obvious.’
His voice was steady, but strangely distant. ‘Not to me.’
She ducked her head so that he might not see the fear in her eyes. ‘We hardly know each other.’
‘I doubt you knew the other gentlemen so well as you thought, if you were surprised when none of them offered. So that is not the real reason, is it?’
‘All right. If you insist.’ She steeled herself and said the words, ‘You are a criminal. How could you expect me to accept that fact, and bind myself to you? You would ask me to live in comfort off ill-gotten gains and feel no guilt about it?’
He rose from his knees and dropped back into the seat beside her. There was a flash of pain in his eyes, but when he spoke, his colour was returning to normal and his voice was light, albeit with a slight edge of sarcasm. ‘Women I have supported in the past took care not to know where the money came from. They assumed, correctly, that someone would take care of them, and shield them from the unpleasantness of finances.’ He looked at her. ‘Just as I assumed that, since you took the first money, and had no problem with the theft of the deed, you would not be bothered with the rest.’
‘You assumed incorrectly. I take pride in knowing the details of my finances, although I cannot say I’ve done a very good job with them. And I am tired of men who promise to be a shield against unpleasantness, since unpleasantness has managed to find me in any case.’
‘You would not have the details of it rubbed under your nose. I do not entertain my fence at my rooms. I keep my private life very much removed from my professional one.’
‘Or you will until such time as you are caught and hanged. Then you will drag those around you to disgrace as well.’
The words pained him, and his voice was quiet when he responded. ‘It is not as if I have never considered the fact. And I have taken great care not to be caught. Another reason I never married, I think.’
‘It was probably wise of you. I cannot imagine a crueller fate for a woman than to know such a thing about her husband and to live in fear of his discovery. I could not bear it.’
A shadow passed over his face again. ‘Thank you for making your opinions clear on the matter. I intended no disrespect. I only wished to offer you a solution to a problem that seems to weigh most heavily upon you. The offer stands, of course, for I doubt that my attraction for you will wane. But I will not break my heart over your refusal, since I suspect there is nothing to be done to change your low opinion of me.’ His tone was light, and he seemed to have returned to normal, but she could tell he did not speak the whole truth.
‘Thank you for your understanding.’
‘And thank you for your honesty.’ There was more than a touch of bitterness in the word. ‘And tell me, does your refusal of my more noble offer extend to my friendship as well?’
‘No.’ Her voice was small and unsteady.
‘Because I will not trouble you with my presence again, if you find my criminality so offensive.’ She had hurt him again, and she felt her resolve wavering. But she could not very well marry him, just to spare his feelings. Why could he not understand that one of them must hurt, no matter what path she chose?
She reached out to take his hand again. ‘No. Please, do not forsake me. I cannot help the way I feel. I wish I could, in so many ways, and yet, I cannot. I know I cannot marry you. But neither am I able to let you go. And I do not know what I am to do, in either case. It hurts me to think of it, just as it hurt to say it aloud. And that is why I was crying.’
He laid his other hand over hers and squeezed it tightly. And his smile was sad, but it was a real smile. ‘That is all right. I did not think you would say yes, and yet I felt moved to ask. I do not wish to make you cry, and am sorry to have done so. And truly, I have no desire to leave you and will not unless you send me away.’
He sighed. ‘So let us not think overlong on the details of this, since they pain us both. Until such time as you say otherwise, I am yours to command, your Grace, and that should be more than enough to be happy on, I think.’ And he pulled her close to him, so that she could lay her head on his shoulder, and rocked her in his arms until she dozed.
When she awoke, he was gone.
She returned to the house, lightheaded from her nap in the sunlight and unsure of her emotions. The crying had left her with a megrim that the nap had only partly soothed.
But it had been so restful, leaning against Tony, that she had quite forgotten what a bad idea it was to do so. And strange that he’d even allowed it. He had offered. She had refused. Afterwards, one of them should have slunk away in embarrassment, to nurse their wounds in private.
But he had been very accepting of her refusal, even though she could tell he was hurt. It would have been much easier if he had raged and stormed and then left her in peace. If he had abandoned her, she might have begun the difficult process of forgetting him, rather than closing her eyes and leaning into his shoulder, losing herself in a dream of what it might be like if they were two different people and she could say yes to him.
It could not have hurt him too deeply, then. It was a blow to the ego, of course. No man wanted to be told that he was not good enough to be marriage material. But it must not have been a blow to the heart. If it had been a mortal wound, he would not have recovered so quickly. It might actually have been the answer he wanted to hear, since he had done his best to help her, but had been able to keep his heart free, in case he ever managed to succeed with his dream woman.
All the more reason not to marry him. Although he might want her, he did not truly love her. Their marriage might have been a very workable relationship, if she had had the sense not to fall in love with him before he had asked. But if she had agreed to marry him because she loved him, she could see a grim future ahead. Once he had her, his ardour would cool and he would lose interest. And she would sit like the fool she was, suffering with every small indifference and worrying the night away that he would be captured and killed, or, worse yet, unfaithful.
He would be baffled by her behaviour, since he had given her no reason for it. He had made no grand promises of undying faithfulness before the marriage. Why should she expect them after?
So, it was all for the best. As long as she ignored the emptiness she felt, after denying him.
‘Your Grace.’ Susan rushed to her side, as she entered the house, trying to stop her as she walked down the corridor. ‘I am sorry. I tried. But his foot was in the door. And when I tried to close it, he pushed me and I fell. And I told him you were not at home, but he would not go away.’
The words were overwhelming, and made no sense, but Constance knew, before she opened the door to her sitting room, who she would
