but will anyone know? I should never have let Sir Geoffrey sway me. I should have insisted on a proper marriage.’ Her mother buried her face in a handkerchief. ‘Lucy warned me that you would come to a bad end with your tricks and you have. You are a lucky woman that Mr Dyvelston turned out to be a gentleman. Goodness knows what you were thinking…Sir Geoffrey had made an offer for you. How could you do this to me?’
Lottie slammed another pair of stockings into the satchel. She refused to dignify her mother’s remark with a reply.
‘Well, Carlotta, what do you have to say for yourself? How can you explain away what you did? The man has no title, nothing to recommend him. Why did you kiss him?’
‘You were quite prepared to marry me off to Jack Stanton.’
‘Lottie, you ungrateful child!’ Her mother gave a sharp intake of breath, went white and she waved her hand in front of her face, choking. ‘My medicine, Lottie.’
Lottie rushed to the washstand, picked up the small vial, pulled off the stopper and held the smelling salts under her mother’s nose. Her mother inhaled deeply; gradually, her colour returned to normal. Lottie breathed again. ‘Are you better, Mama? I did not intend to give you another attack. You should take more care.’
‘Me? You are the one who should have been cautious. I had everything arranged.’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘You threw it all away, you ungrateful spoilt child. Well, young lady—’
‘I am marrying Mr Dyvelston, Mama.’ Lottie fastened the satchel. She adjusted her pelisse and bonnet. It made a charming picture over her paisley silk afternoon dress. The cut was fashionable and Lottie had made sure the corset was laced extra tight in order to show off her waist. She wanted Tristan to look again at her with those smouldering eyes. ‘Neither of us planned it, but it will save me and the family from ruin. I cannot undo the past. And Tristan does have connections, Mama. He is Lord Thorngrafton’s cousin.’
‘Lottie, Lottie. I cannot help but worry. Though Sir Geoffrey says that this is the best way and I must trust him.’
‘And it saves the expense of a London Season. You might remind Henry of that, if he intends on huffing and puffing.’
Her mother gave a loud sniff. ‘Yes, I suppose Dyvelston is doing the decent thing. But I care about my daughter’s future. You were given every advantage.’
‘I believe in my case, if I fail to marry, the advantages will mean nothing. I will be ruined, Mama. And won’t I spend my life repenting that as well?’
‘Oh, you young creatures are all the same. You think you know everything.’ Her mother threw up her hands and Lottie wondered if she was going to have to retrieve the smelling salts again. She shifted uneasily, hating the disloyal thought, but she had seen how her mother had used the attacks before. ‘A man should respect his wife. If you keep giving in to your passion, it will be the road to ruin. Your poor papa and I had a good marriage based on mutual respect and duty.’
And what about love? Or desire? Lottie stopped the words and allowed the remainder of her mother’s diatribe to flow over her. She did not love Tristan, but she knew that there had to be more to a marriage than respectability. And she certainly did not want a title if Sir Geoffrey Lea was offering it. She was not a pawn to be sacrificed for her mother and brother’s social ambition. She would lead her own life.
‘You are not attending, Carlotta.’
‘Mama, it is time to go.’ Lottie leant forward and kissed her mother’s cold cheek. ‘I am getting married today to a good man. I can sense it in him.’
‘Lottie, Lottie. There is more to being a good man than a pair of broad shoulders and a smooth dancing step.’ Her mother’s hands grasped Lottie’s upper arms and she made a clucking noise at the back of her throat. ‘You are such a child, Lottie. I blame myself. There is so much I should tell you, warn you about. Men do not like wanton creatures. They use them and discard them. When I think of your poor dear departed papa…’
‘Papa would have wanted me to be happy.’ Lottie stared at her mother, seeing for the first time the attempts to hold age back, the slightly over-garish jewellery, the petulant expression. Then she shook herself, hating the disloyal thoughts. Here was her mother, the woman she should revere above all others, but who had wanted to sell her for a title and reflected status. ‘It was all he ever wanted. It is why he worked so hard. He wanted to give us everything we wanted.’
‘Happiness is a fleeting thing. Security and connections are all.’ Her mother shook her head and buried her face once again in a handkerchief.
‘It just happened, Mama.’ Lottie touched her lips, remembering the sensation of Tristan’s lips against hers and knew that she would yield again.
‘That is no excuse. I trust you will remember where your duty lies. A woman must take responsibility for a family’s status. Remember that and behave accordingly, if nothing else. Try to grow up, Lottie…before it is too late.’
‘Mama, I will be a good wife.’ Lottie curled her fingers around her satchel. ‘I will make sure the marriage prospers.’
She marched out of the room, head high and shoulders back. She would show her mother that her dire predictions were wrong. She would make this marriage a success.
Lottie sat opposite Tristan in his borrowed carriage and watched the sunrise begin to appear on the horizon. Her bonnet had slipped over her nose and the wild exhilaration she had felt as she’d waved goodbye to the assembled throng of people had vanished. Her back ached and her feet were numb.
What had she done? Had she done the appropriate thing? She had done the only thing.
Each turn of the carriage wheel took her farther away from her mother, her family, her former life and closer to Gretna Green and marriage, marriage to Tristan. She would snatch a sip from the cup of happiness. Somehow. She refused to believe her mother’s dire predictions about marrying for passion.
The carriage hit a rut, and her shoulder met the side of the carriage with a thump. Lottie winced at the pain, stifled the gasp behind her gloved hand.
‘Careful.’ Tristan, from where he sat, put out a hand to steady her. The touch of his hand burnt through the thin material of her dress. ‘You don’t want to injure yourself.’
‘I will be fine.’ She sat up straighter. Her hands curled around the edge of her seat, holding her there. ‘I was unprepared. The road to Gretna Green is heavily rutted.’
‘It is a well-travelled route.’
‘Yes.’ Lottie agreed. Well travelled. As if she needed reminding how many people went there to get married because they had to or because their families objected. Some might call it wildly romantic, but the doubts had started to circle around the edges of her brain. The Tristan Dyvelston who sat opposite with his top hat, black frock coat, cream-coloured trousers and hands lightly resting on a cane was very different from the excitingly attractive man who had kissed her earlier. No less handsome, but somehow more reserved, as if he were waiting and watching for something. Self-contained.
Lottie searched her mind. What did one say politely to the man who was about to become one’s husband, but appeared now more
