as Tyler gets settled in with me, I have to bring him to you; and just as he gets settled with you, you have to bring him to me?’ She shook her head. ‘That’s not fair on him.’
‘So what are you suggesting?’
‘The social worker,’ she said, not meeting his gaze, ‘suggested that Tyler stays in his own home. She says that whoever cares for him needs to, um, live there, too.’
He blinked. ‘You’re planning to move into Ally and Pete’s house?’
She coughed. ‘Not just me.’
What she was saying finally sank in. ‘You’re suggesting we live together?’ The idea was so shocking, he almost dropped his coffee.
‘No.’ She lifted her chin, looking affronted. ‘The social worker suggests that we share a house and share Tyler’s care. Believe you me, it’s not what I want to do—but it’s the most sensible solution for Tyler. It saves us having to traipse a tired and hungry baby all over London at times that don’t suit him. We’ll be fitting round him, not the other way round.’
‘Share a house. That sounds like living together, to me.’ Something Dylan knew he wasn’t good at. Hadn’t he failed spectacularly with Nadine? His marriage had broken up because he hadn’t wanted a family and the wife he’d loved had given him an ultimatum. A choice he couldn’t accept. And now Emmy Jacobs—a woman who embodied everything he didn’t like—seriously expected him to make a family with her?
‘It isn’t living together. It’s just sharing a house.’ Her mouth tightened, and she gave him a look as if to say that he was the last person on earth she’d choose to live with.
He needed to be upfront about this. ‘I don’t want to share a house with you,’ he said.
‘It’s not my idea of fun, either, but what else—?’ She paused. ‘Actually, no, there is an easy solution to this. You can agree to me having full-time care of Tyler.’
‘That isn’t what Pete and Ally wanted.’ And he didn’t think Emmy was stable enough to look after Tyler, not permanently. Then again, Dylan couldn’t imagine himself taking care of Tyler, either. He knew practically nothing about babies. He’d never even babysat his godson. Pete and Ally had never asked him, knowing that his personal life was in chaos and his head wasn’t in the right place. And Dylan was guiltily aware that he’d jumped at the excuse rather than face up to the fact that he wasn’t a very good godfather.
He’d agreed to be Tyler’s guardian. Of course he had. For the same reason that Emmy had agreed, probably, wanting to support his best friend. But he’d never thought it would actually happen. He’d considered himself to be a safety net that would never need to be used.
And now...
Lack of sleep. That was why his head was all over the place. There was a black hole where his best friend had once been. And now there were all these new demands on him and he wasn’t sure he could meet them. He’d promised to be there for Tyler, and he hated himself for the fact that, now he actually had to make good on that promise, he didn’t want to do it. He resented the way that a baby could wreak such havoc on his life and turn everything upside down; and then he felt guilty all over again for resenting someone so tiny and defenceless, because it wasn’t the baby’s fault and—well, he was being selfish.
Emmy was offering him a get-out. It would be, oh, so easy to take it. And yet Dylan knew that he’d never respect himself again if he took it—if he did what his mother had done, and dumped all his responsibilities on someone else. If he ignored a child who needed him.
‘I know it isn’t what Pete and Ally wanted,’ Emmy said, clearly oblivious to the turmoil in Dylan’s head. ‘But it’s not fair to keep uprooting Tyler, just to suit ourselves.’
‘He’s a baby. He’s not even going to notice his surroundings,’ Dylan said.
‘Actually, he is. And if we did alternate weeks he’d have to get used to two different sets of rules, two different atmospheres. That’s too much to expect.’
‘And you’re an expert on childcare?’ he asked, knowing how nasty it sounded but unable to stop himself, because it was easier to fight with her than to admit how mixed up and miserable he felt right now.
‘No. But I’ve read up on it. I’ve spent time with him. And I know how Ally wanted him brought up.’
‘Fair point,’ he muttered, feeling even more guilty. He hadn’t done any of those things.
‘You don’t want to live with him, but you don’t want to let me have full-time care of him, either.’ She sighed. ‘So what do you want, Dylan?’
‘Pete and Ally back. Life as it was supposed to be.’ The words came out before he could stop them.
‘Well, unless you can turn into a superhero and spin the world round the other way to reverse time, and then stop the accident happening...’ She looked away. ‘Life isn’t like the movies. I wish it could be. That I could wave a magic wand and everything would be OK again. But I can’t. I’m a normal godmother, not a fairy godmother. And we have to do what’s right for Tyler. To make his world as good as it can be, now his parents are gone and he has only us.’
She was right. Which made Dylan feel even more guilty. He was acting like a spoiled brat, crying for the moon and stars. And it was wrong. ‘So what do you suggest?’
‘The way I see it, we have two choices. Either we do what Pete and Ally wanted, and we find some way to be civil to each other while we bring up their child, or you let me bring him up on my own.’
‘Or I could bring him up on my own,’ Dylan suggested, nettled that she hadn’t listed it as a third option.
She scoffed. ‘So, what? You get a live-in nanny and dump his care on her, and see him for two seconds when you get home from work?’
‘That’s unfair.’
‘Is it?’ she asked pointedly.
He’d rather have all his teeth pulled out without anaesthetic than admit it to her, but it was probably accurate. ‘I don’t want to live with you.’ He didn’t want to live with anyone.
‘Newsflash. I don’t want to live with you, either. But I’m prepared to put Tyler’s needs before mine. Just as I know Ally would’ve done for me, if our positions were reversed.’
And just as Pete would’ve done for him. Disgust at himself flared through Dylan’s body. At heart, he really was a chip off the old block, as selfish as his mother. And that didn’t sit well with him. He didn’t want to be like her. ‘Caring for a baby on your own is a hell of a commitment.’
‘I know. But I’m prepared to do it.’
‘Pete and Ally knew it was too much to ask one person to do. It’s why they asked us both.’
‘And you’ve had second thoughts.’ She shrugged. ‘Look, it’s fine. I’ll manage. I can always ask my mum for help.’
Which was a lot more than Dylan could do. And how pathetic was he to resent that?
‘I need some time to think about
