a sandcastle on the beach with Tyler, and playing with him and Emmy at the edge of the sea. Family things. A forever family.
Please let her listen to him.
There were a few people beachcombing on the foreshore; some had hammers and chisels, and Dylan assumed they were collecting fossils. Then he rounded a corner and saw her. She bent down to pick up something from the sand; probably some jet, he thought. Syb had sent Emmy out to do something to soothe her soul, and he already knew how much she loved the sea.
He quickened his pace and nearly slipped on the treacherous surface; he blew out a breath and picked his way more steadily over towards her.
She looked up as he reached her side. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I’ve come to see you. Talk to you.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Emmy, I’m good at business words and computer code and geek. I’m rubbish at the emotional stuff. I know I’m going to make a mess of this, but...’ His voice faded.
She nodded. ‘What did Nadine want? Was it about the paperwork?’
‘No. She’d seen the article.’
‘You said she wanted a baby. You have a baby, now.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘Is that what she wants?’
He knew with blinding clarity what she was really asking. Was that what he wanted, too? ‘I’m not going to lie to you, Emmy,’ he said softly. ‘She did suggest it. But I said no. Because that’s not what I want.’
She bit her lip. ‘You don’t want a child.’
He squirmed. There was no way out of this. He was going to have to bare his heart to her, even though he hated making himself that vulnerable. ‘Not with her. We’re not right for each other.’ He dragged in a breath. ‘I guess that’s something else you need to know. I didn’t want a child,’ he said slowly, ‘because of the way I grew up.’
She waited. And eventually the words flooded in to fill the silence.
‘I never knew who my dad was. My mum used to go off to “find herself” every time she broke up with whoever she was dating, and she always dumped me on the nearest relative. Usually my grandparents.’ He looked away. ‘My grandmother loved me and had time for me but my grandfather always made me feel I was a nuisance and a burden.’
She reached out and linked her fingers through his; it gave him the strength to go on, and he looked back at her.
‘I hated it. I hated feeling that I was always in the way. Then, as I grew older, I was scared that maybe I wouldn’t be able to bond with a child because my parental role models were—well, not what I would’ve chosen myself. I was scared that I wouldn’t be any good as a parent, and I never wanted a child to feel the way I did when I grew up, so I decided that I was never going to have children.’ He blew out a breath. ‘I suppose I married Nadine because I thought she was safe. Because I thought she wanted the same thing that I did, that her job was enough for her. But then she changed her mind about what she wanted and I just couldn’t change with her. I couldn’t give her what she wanted, because I was too selfish. Because I was a coward. Because I was scared I’d fail at it, and I walked away rather than trying to make it work.’
‘And yet you stepped up to the mark when Ty needed you,’ Emmy said softly.
‘I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I still don’t,’ he confessed wryly.
‘Me, neither—but we’re muddling through, and Ty definitely feels loved and settled.’ She paused. ‘Is that why you didn’t like me? Because you thought I was flaky and selfish and just thought of myself, like your mum? Because my relationships never lasted and Ally always had to pick up the pieces?’
He bit his lip. ‘I was wrong about that. But—yes, I admit, I did.’
She sighed. ‘I don’t blame you. I probably would’ve thought the same, in your shoes.’ She paused. ‘Is that why you think I went away? To find myself?’
‘You said you needed space. Time to think.’ He paused. ‘I think my mum went away to find herself, because there wasn’t anyone to find her.’ He looked her straight in the eye. ‘But I came to find you, Emmy.’
She dragged in a breath. ‘I’d never dump Ty on anyone. The only reason he’s with Syb is because he’s asleep—and I have my mobile phone with me. She promised to call me the second he woke up, if I wasn’t already back by then.’
‘I know,’ he said softly. ‘She told me to take our time. To talk. She’s wise, your great-aunt.’
She nodded.
‘So why did you leave?’
‘Because I was scared,’ she admitted. ‘I had doubts.’
‘Doubts about me, or doubts about being with me?’
‘I was scared that things would change. Scared that you’d compare me to Nadine and find me wanting.’ She looked anguished. ‘I always pick the wrong guy. It starts off well, I think it’s going to work—and then I find out that there are things he doesn’t like about me. Things he expects me to change. And you used to loathe me.’
Hope flooded through him. She didn’t have doubts about being with him; what she doubted was herself. Which meant she needed total honesty from him. ‘Yes, I used to loathe you. But that was before I knew you properly. I don’t loathe you now. And I don’t want to change you, Emmy. I don’t want to change a single thing.’ He drew her hand to his mouth and kissed it. ‘I’m sorry. I should’ve cancelled my meeting yesterday morning and talked to you, instead.’
‘You couldn’t. You were late, and it was important.’
‘I never thought I’d ever say this to anyone, but I don’t care if it was important. You’re more important to me than work,’ he said.
She stared at him, as if not quite daring to believe that he meant it.
‘I should’ve stayed with you. Better still, instead of telling you to go to sleep, the night before, I should’ve talked to you about what happened between us. Listened to you. Soothed your worries, and asked you to soothe mine. But I’m rubbish at the emotional stuff, so I bailed out on you. I thought it’d give me time to work out what to say.’
‘Did it?’
‘No,’ he admitted. ‘I still don’t know what to say. Or how to say it without it coming out all wrong. But...’ He took a deep breath. ‘My world doesn’t feel right without you in it.’ His heart was racing. Had he got this wrong? This could all implode, become so messy. But he owed it to their future to take that risk. ‘I love you, Emmy.’
Hope blossomed in her expression. ‘You love me?’
‘I don’t know when it happened. Or how. Or why. I just know I do. And Paris clinched it for me. I finally got why they call it the City of Light. Because you were there with me, and I was so happy.’ He took a deep breath. ‘It isn’t the same thing I felt with Nadine. You’re not safe, like I thought she was. I’m not entirely sure what makes you tick. I think we’re always going to have fights—you’re going to think I’m stuffy and I’m going to think you’re flaky. But that’s OK. We can agree to disagree. What I do know
