After that, they continued their journey in silence once more, while Amy’s mind seethed with unasked questions. There were so many gaps in Seth’s story, things he plainly had no intention of sharing with her. Where was his mother? Was she dead too? Did he miss Sydney? Or rugby? Or England?
Most of all, she wondered if he really liked living on Cape York. If he didn’t, why had he stayed up here in the north? If he’d been willing to move south, he and Rachel and Bella might have been a family.
One thing was becoming very clear to her, however. She’d underestimated Seth Reardon.
She’d come north with the vague idea that she’d meet a guy wearing an Akubra hat, a suntan and a smile. She’d imagined an attractive, but uncomplicated, country fellow, who’d had an affair with her best friend and who now deserved to know that the affair had resulted in…consequences.
She’d been a fool to think that it would be easy and straightforward to share the news about Bella with him.
Twisting around in her seat, she looked back at Bella, who’d dozed off again, but then woken up to gaze around the interior of the vehicle with a slightly dazed frown. Amy felt her heart swell with love for the dear, innocent little scrap.
It was hard to believe that she’d grown so close to her in two short months, but the truth was her emotional connection to Rachel’s daughter was so strong at times it shocked her.
They’d been on quite a journey together, she and this little girl, as they’d slowly learned to cope with unbearable loss, and to live with each other.
To love each other.
These days, more often than not, Amy woke when Bella bounced into her bed, eager to greet her with hugs and kisses and laughter.
With Bella, Amy had discovered the joy of simply being alive. She’d relearned the pleasure of simple things like trips to the park to feed the ducks, riding slippery slides, and splashing in wading pools. She’d forgotten that it could be so much fun to blow bubbles at bath time, or to share bedtime picture books.
Already, it was hard to remember a time when corporate launches with champagne cocktails and gourmet canapés had been vitally, crucially important.
More often than not, meal preparation these days involved oatmeal or boiled eggs and toast soldiers, and bunny-shaped mugs of milk. Amy had learned to always carry an extra bag, to accommodate Bella’s sunhat and a change of clothes, as well as a drink and a banana, or tiny packets of sultanas for snacks.
Her life in marketing had been put on hold.
Being self-employed had made the transition possible—not easy, but possible—but there was a limit to how long she could continue this lifestyle without earning. She’d already gobbled up a major chunk of her savings. Luckily, she had no big debts hanging over her, but she knew she would have to return to work soon.
Just the same, she certainly hadn’t come looking for Bella’s father because she needed his financial help. Caring for Bella might require a few sacrifices, but Amy knew she would manage.
Eventually, they stopped at a gate and Seth got out to open it.
‘Are we almost there?’ Amy asked hopefully when he got back into the car. Bella was grizzling more loudly now. ‘Is this Serenity?’
‘This is one of the boundary gates,’ he said as he steered the vehicle between timber fence posts. ‘I’m afraid it’ll be another half-hour before we reach the homestead.’
Another half-hour…It was already dusk, and growing dark quickly because of the rain. Amy found it hard to imagine owning so much land that you could drive across it for such a long time.
Seth got out again to shut the gate, and when he came back he said, ‘Would you like to let Bella out for a bit, to stretch her legs?’
‘I’m sure she’d love that, but it’s raining.’
‘You have raincoats, don’t you?’
‘Well, yes.’
Seth shrugged. ‘This is the tropics, after all. The rain’s not cold.’
‘You’re right.’ In a matter of moments, Amy found their raincoats, which she’d packed in an outside pocket of her suitcase, and she was buttoning Bella into hers. She glanced at Seth, who was standing alone…looking…not lonely, surely?
A sudden instinct prompted her to ask, ‘Are you coming to walk with us?’
For the first time, Seth lost his air of cool certainty. His bright eyes rested on Bella’s eager face peering up at him from beneath the yellow hood of her raincoat. The lines of his face softened, then broke into a smile.
Wow! Amy felt the impact of his smile deep in the pit of her stomach.
‘Why not?’ he said and he snagged a dark oilskin coat from the back of the vehicle.
Amy’s chest felt weirdly tight, but moments later they set off together along the red dirt track between straggling gumtrees and pandanus palms.
Bella was thrilled to be allowed out in the rain, skipping between the two adults. She insisted on holding their hands, but every so often she would let go and dash off to splash in a puddle, then she would turn and grin at them ecstatically and Amy’s heart would leap into her throat.
Surely Seth must see how closely the little girl’s smile resembled his?
But apart from that anxiety, Amy enjoyed the little outing much more than she should have. There was something about being out in the rain in the middle of a journey through nowhere, just for fun, that felt impossibly rash and carefree. Seth was smiling almost the whole time and their gazes kept meeting. Every time his blue eyes met hers she felt a knife-edgy thrill zap through her.
It was inappropriate and foolish, but she couldn’t help it. A strange, shiver-sweet happiness seemed to have gripped her and she felt as if she could have walked along the darkening, rain swept track for ever.
But at last she had to be sensible and to suggest that it was time to head back to the ute.
As they went on Seth had to get out to open and close gates at least another six times. Each time he got back into the car, he brought the smell of damp earth and a fine spray of rain.
‘I should be looking after the gates,’ Amy protested after the third stop.
‘Outback gates are notoriously tricky.’ He frowned as he looked at her more closely. ‘Are you OK? You’re looking pale.’
‘Bit tired. That’s all. I’m fine, thanks.’ Truth was, she was feeling ill and scared, scared of the shivers of awareness this man caused. It was ridiculous to feel so hung up about him. He was Rachel’s ex, and Bella’s father, and once she revealed her real reason for coming here he might hate her.
‘We’re almost there,’ he said, sounding surprisingly gentle.
Ahead of them, Amy saw lights winking through the rain, and then at last they pulled up at the bottom of a short flight of wooden steps.
She
