when she was, at the same time, cuddling a little baby.
It would probably be different if the child were one they shared. Then, over Teddy’s small, adorable head, she and Leo could exchanges smiles and loving glances as they remembered the night they created this precious bundle of joy. With no such scenario in existence, Phoebe decided her feelings were fractured...much like the time she’d had a high school babysitting job interrupted by the arrival of her boyfriend. That long-ago night as a sixteen-year-old, it had been all she could do to concentrate on her charges.
Almost a decade and a half later, with Leo prowling the interior of the cabin, all grumpy and masculine and gorgeous, she felt much the same way. Nevertheless, she focused on entertaining her nephew.
Fortunately, the baby was in an extremely good mood. He played in his high chair while Phoebe threw dinner together. Thanks to the largesse of Leo’s buddy—which Leo no doubt cofunded—it was no trouble to pick and choose. Chicken Alfredo. Spinach salad. Fruit crepes for dessert. It would be easy to get spoiled by having haute cuisine at her fingertips with minimal effort. She would have to resist, though. Because, like Leo’s presence in her life, the four-star meals were temporary.
Leo, after much cursing and struggling, and with a dollop of luck, finally pronounced himself satisfied with the security of their Christmas pièce de résistance. After changing the baby’s diaper, Phoebe served up two plates and set them on the table. “Hurry, then. Before it gets cold.”
Leo sat down with a groan. “Wouldn’t matter to me. I’m starving.”
She ended up sitting Teddy in his high chair and feeding him his bottle with one hand while she ate with the other. At the end of the meal, she scooped Teddy up and held him out to Leo. “If you wouldn’t mind playing with him on the sofa for a little while, I’ll clean up the kitchen, and we can start on the tree.”
A look of discomfort crossed Leo’s face. “I’m more of an observer when it comes to babies. I don’t think they like me.”
“Don’t be silly, Leo. And besides, you did offer to help with Teddy when I let you stay. Remember?”
He picked up his coat. “Buford says it’s going to snow tonight. I need to move half of that pile of wood you have out by the shed and stack it on the front porch. If it’s a heavy snow, we might lose power.” Before Phoebe could protest, he bundled up in his winter gear and was gone.
Phoebe felt the joy leach out of the room. She wanted Leo to love Teddy like she did, but that was silly. Leo had his own family, a brother, a sister-in-law, a niece, a nephew and a grandfather. Besides, he’d been pretty clear about not wanting kids. Some people didn’t get all warm and fuzzy when it came to infants.
Still, she felt a leaden sense of disappointment. Leo was a wonderful man. Being squeamish about babies was hardly a character flaw.
She put Teddy back in the high chair. “Sorry, kiddo. Looks like it’s you and me on KP duty tonight. I’ll be as quick as I can, and then I’ll read you a book. How about that?”
Teddy found the loose end of the safety strap and chewed it. His little chortling sounds and syllables were cute, but hardly helpful when it came to the question of Leo.
Tonight was a big bridge for Phoebe to cross. She was ready. She wanted Leo, no question. But she couldn’t help feeling anxiety about the future. In coming to the mountains, she had learned to be alone. Would agreeing to be Leo’s lover negate all the progress she had made? And would ultimately losing him—as she surely would—put her back in that dark place again?
Even with all her questions, tonight’s outcome was a forgone conclusion. Leo was her Christmas present to herself.
Leo pushed himself hard, carrying five or six heavy logs at a time. He took Buford’s warning seriously, but the real reason he was out here was because staying in the cabin with Phoebe was torture. It was one thing to casually say, “We’ll wait until bedtime.” It was another entirely to keep himself reined in.
Every time she bent over to do something with the baby or to put something in the oven, her jeans cupped a butt that was the perfect size for a man’s hands to grab hold of. The memory of her naked breasts lodged in his brain like a continuous, R-rated movie reel.
Earlier, he had called Luc, explaining the isolation of Phoebe’s cabin and promising to stay in touch. His new phone should arrive in the morning, and the satellite internet would be set up, as well. By bedtime tomorrow night, Leo would be plugged in, all of his electronic devices at his fingertips. A very short time ago, that notion would have filled him with satisfaction and a sense of being on track. Not today. Now he could think of nothing but taking Phoebe to bed.
When he had a healthy stack of logs tucked just outside the front door in easy reach, he knew it was time to go in and face the music. His throat was dry. His heart pounded far harder than warranted by his current task. But the worst part was his semipermanent erection. He literally ached all over...wanting Phoebe. Needing her with a ferocious appetite that made him grateful to be a man with a beating heart.
He told himself he was close to having everything he craved. All he had to do was make it through the evening. But he was jittery with arousal. Testosterone charged through his bloodstream like a devil on his shoulder. Urging him on to stake a claim. Dismissing the need for gentleness.
Phoebe was his for the taking. She’d told him as much. A few more hours, and everything he wanted would be his.
* * *
Phoebe moved the portable crib into the living room near the fireplace, on the opposite side from the tree. Her hope was that Teddy would amuse himself for a while. He’d been fed, changed, and was now playing happily with several of his favorite teething toys.
When Leo came through the door on a blast of cold air, her stomach flipped. She’d given herself multiple lectures on remaining calm and cool. No need for him to know how agitated she was about the evening to come. Her giddiness was an odd mixture of anticipation and reservation.
Never in her life had she been intimate with a man of whom she knew so little. And likewise, never had she contemplated sex with someone for recreational purposes. She and Leo were taking advantage of a serendipitous place and time. Neither of them made any pretense that this was more. No passionate declarations of love. No tentative plans for the future.
Just sex.
Did that cheapen what she felt for him?
As he removed his coat and boots, she stared. The look in his eyes was hot and predatory. A shiver snaked down her spine. Leo was a big man, both in body and in personality. His charisma seduced her equally as much as his honed, masculine body.
She licked her lips, biting the lower one. “Um...there’s hot chocolate on the stove. I made the real stuff. Seemed appropriate.”
He rubbed his hands together, his cheeks ruddy from the cold. “Thanks.”
The single syllable was gruff. Phoebe knew then, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that Leo was as enmeshed in whatever was happening between them as she was. The knowledge settled her nerves. She had been afraid of seeming gauche or awkward. Leo’s intensity indicated that he was perhaps as off balance as she felt.
As
