attempted to ease herself out of bed. Inch by precious inch, she slipped free of the sheets. With one hand pressed firmly on the floor, and one foot extended to brace her weight, she was almost there. Thandie knew she looked ridiculous, but if she could just slide the rest of her body out of bed, there was a chance she could collect her clothes and sneak out of Cam’s apartment undetected. Holding her breath, she inched farther off the mattress.
She might have made it had it not been for the sound of a cell phone chiming at that very moment. It shattered the silence of the room like a bullhorn. Thandie froze. She watched in horror as Cam jerked awake and then rolled out of bed. The movement pulled the bedsheets with him, making them spill off the foot of the bed. As if in a sleep-induced trance, Cam shuffled to the dresser and snatched up his cell phone. Rubbing his eyes, he looked at the display. And then he swore. He seemed to be debating whether he should answer. Deciding not to, he tossed the phone aside, and then looked up.
“Oh, shit,” Thandie grumbled.
Cam blinked, taking in her bizarre position. Half of her was hanging off the bed, while the other half was outstretched toward the floor. Her intentions could not have been more obvious. Cam leaned his hip against the dresser and simply stared at her. His expression was solemn. “What are you doing?”
Awkwardly, Thandie came to her feet. Self-conscious because of her nakedness, she grabbed a pillow and held it in front of her. It offered little coverage, but since her clothes were not easily accessible, it was her best option.
“I have to go,” she said, her voice husky from sleep.
Cam looked up at the ceiling, hurt settling onto his features. “Why are you leaving?”
She sighed. “You know why I’m leaving.”
Cam threw his hands up helplessly. “I thought after last night...” His voice trailed off.
Thandie looked away, too ashamed to meet his pleading eyes. She regretted her actions last night, regretted the way she’d fallen into his arms without a care to the world. Regretted the way she’d blindly disregarded the consequences. There would be plenty of time to feel humiliation over the public episode. Everyone would be talking. It might even be reported in a local gossip column.
But Thandie couldn’t be bothered with that right now. She was too guilt-ridden to consider anything except that she was hurting Cam again.
“I made a mistake,” she said.
“You made a mistake? That’s all?” he said with a humorless laugh. “I had a girlfriend, Thandie.”
“I—I can fix that,” she stammered. “I can try to explain to her—”
“Explain what?” he snapped. “Explain that in the blink of an eye, I chose you over her? Explain that I’ll always choose you over her?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Yeah, well I’m sorry, too,” he snapped.
“I’m sorry, Cam. I truly am.”
“And your mother?” he asked quietly. “Does she know about us?”
“Don’t,” Thandie said sharply. “Don’t you dare bring her into this.” The mention of her mother caused Thandie’s eyes sting with sudden tears.
Cameron swore, all the fight gone out of him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just so...” he dragged a hand through his tousled hair, searching for the right word. Then he froze, a thought having occurred to him. He looked at Thandie with tired eyes. “You don’t love me anymore, do you?”
She’d been expecting this question, but was still unprepared with where the answer would leave them. “Of course, I love you,” she confessed. “Just not like that anymore.”
“But last night—”
“I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice. “Nothing has changed. Last night should have never happened.”
“Thandie, please don’t do this,” he groaned.
“Cam, we’ve been broken up for weeks. What did you expect? Did you think things would magically go back to the way they were?”
“Yes,” he said defiantly. “Yes, I did.”
“Oh, Cam,” she choked out. “I thought you understood—”
“Get out.”
Thandie’s head popped up. “What?”
“I said get out,” he repeated in a voice void of any emotion.
“Cam.” She took a step toward him, but he turned his back on her and abruptly walked out of the room. Thandie jumped when she heard the bathroom door slam shut.
She stared at the spot where Cam had stood. She hated hurting him. Cam deserved better. He deserved to be with someone who would mirror his bright, happy personality. It hadn’t been that way between them for a long time.
She called out to him again. When he did not respond, she debated going after him or simply leaving.
Her indecision caused agitation to bubble up inside her. She couldn’t stand for Cam to be upset with her, but she also did not want him to entertain any notions of them rekindling their relationship.
And then it happened. Thandie felt her breathing catch and then quicken to a pace she could barely control. Soon she was doing more gasping than breathing. Her hands began to shake frantically, and beads of sweats dampened her forehead. She was suddenly hot, so hot she was burning with it.
Oh, God, no, she thought. Not now. She reached out, steadying herself on the edge of the bed. Clenching her fingers tightly in the sheets, she struggled to slow her breathing before the panic completely overwhelmed her. Forcing herself to focus on an imaginary spot on the wall, she repeated her breathing exercises. Inhaling deeply through her nose and exhaling through her mouth. It was difficult to concentrate. She had to try three times before she found her rhythm. Once found, she concentrated on it with desperate determination. It took several painstaking minutes before her breathing returned to normal. When she felt the crippling hold of fear loosen slightly, she reacted with cat-like instincts.
Her still hands shaking, she quickly dressed and got the hell out of there. Twice she had to lean against the hallway wall to brace herself and catch her breath. She needed to sit down, but the urgency of putting distance between herself and Cam pushed her forward. No one knew she suffered from panic attacks. And she had no intention of broadcasting this fact; not even to Cam. Aside from being embarrassed by it, she knew it was a scary thing to witness.
Thandie had been plagued by panic attacks ever since she was a little girl. She had learned to control them as she got older. Her experienced episodes had become less frequent, and often occurred while she was alone. But every once in while, she was caught off guard by the sudden grip of anxiety. They were brought on by stress. It was an oddity that she would choose a high-pressure career. Strangely enough, Thandie never had an episode while at work. Her attacks were remarkably selective. They chose only to present themselves when she was dealing with personal issues.
It was just after dawn, and the sky was just beginning to brighten with flecks of sunlight. Taking a
