miss out on this?’ Freya asked.
Ben proved to be a champion when it came to coaxing Kathy to push. It was clearly an excellent epidural, because she could feel the sensation and some pressure but had no pain.
‘Another big push,’ Freya encouraged. ‘Come on—a really big one, right down into your bottom.’
This time it was Kelly who arrived to take the baby and soon Freya delivered a chunky baby boy. He was gorgeous, and there were tears from both Ben and Kathy as he lay on her stomach, blinking at the world.
‘Are you going to cut the cord, Dad?’ Kelly asked, and Ben came over with tears in his eyes to have that special moment with his son.
Baby Hudson didn’t have a name yet, but by the time Freya was ready for home he’d had his first feed and Kathy had had a well-earned cup of tea.
It hadn’t been a particularly busy day, or so Freya had been told, and yet she was exhausted.
The high of Baby Hudson’s birth lasted right through the Tube journey, but faded as she began the walk for home.
Freya had never been surrounded by more people, and yet she had never felt more alone.
There was a social club at the hospital, but she was hardly going to walk in on her own, and making friends was proving a lot more difficult than she had anticipated.
However, later, rather than sit alone with her noodles, Freya reminded herself that she did indeed have friends and called Alison.
‘How are things?’ Alison asked.
‘Busy,’ Freya said. ‘Well, work is—the social life, not so much.’
‘But you’re in London!’ Alison said.
‘I know...’ Freya sighed, because Alison’s observation just made it worse. ‘I am trying,’ she admitted. ‘I sort of hinted to a couple of girls at work that there was a film I’d like to see, but I felt like a bent coin in a vending machine.’
‘Rejected?’ Alison laughed.
‘Exactly.’
‘Keep at it. Just say yes to anything you’re invited to.’
‘I’ll have to be invited somewhere first.’
‘You will be.’
‘How are you?’ Freya asked. She felt her throat clamp tight, but she swallowed and pushed through, trying to keep her voice casual and light. ‘How’s the baby.’
‘All good. I’m fifteen weeks now, and I swear I’ve got a bump, although Callum says it’s too early.’
Freya hesitated, because women sometimes showed more quickly with a second pregnancy, but she couldn’t gauge whether or not that was the right thing to say to Alison now.
Freya dealt with pregnant woman every working day, and she dealt with loss too. And, what was more, she prided herself on dealing with it well. Yet when it came to her friend she felt like an absolute novice, and simply didn’t know how to be around the subject of Alison’s pregnancy.
Freya was terrified she might break down, and Alison didn’t need that. Of course they had both cried together in the days following Andrew’s birth, and then his death, but right now Freya was sure it was time to be strong.
‘When’s your ultrasound?’ Freya asked.
‘In two weeks’ time. I’ll believe it’s really happening once I’ve heard its little heart.’
Alison’s voice broke then, and Freya closed her eyes when she heard it. ‘It will be okay,’ she offered.
‘You don’t know that, Freya,’ Alison snapped.
‘I know, but...’ Her voice trailed off.
‘Sorry,’ Alison said.
‘Don’t be.’
And then Freya turned on her midwife voice and said all the right things, just as she would to a patient.
But Alison was her best friend. It was awkward and it was difficult and things were different between them.
There was no escaping that.
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