had no clue how to act, what to say or do. This bizarre scenario was unprecedented. Nausea swirled in his belly, and he felt light-headed.
Blaming it on the lack of sleep was less worrisome than admitting he was afraid to be trapped with Dani. Sitting there with a warm smile on her face, wearing his shirt and holding a child who was possibly his baby, she personified everything he feared, everything he had avoided for so long and so well.
He hoped like hell his unease wasn’t visible. He didn’t want to give in to temptation, but he sure as hell didn’t want to hurt her, either.
Dani cocked her head, her smile dimming as a knot of something settled like a rock in her stomach. Nathaniel was acting very strangely. Despite her misgivings, she forged ahead with the idea that had come to her while she waited for him to wake up. “I have a question, Nathaniel. You can say no if you want to.”
As she watched, he took two steps backward, set his empty cup on the counter and shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Ask away,” he said. But his gaze didn’t meet hers. His body language was one big keep-off-the-grass sign.
Sighing inwardly, she nuzzled the top of the baby’s head. “It’s Christmas Eve,” she said flatly, as if he didn’t know. “And tomorrow is Christmas Day. Your condo is virtually empty of any sustenance, holiday or otherwise. I checked around online and found a small market about a mile from here that’s opening up from ten to four today. If I make a grocery list, will you go shopping for us?”
His lips quirked in a reluctant smile. “That’s doable.”
“I’m not the greatest cook,” Dani admitted. “I don’t think I’d be confident preparing a turkey, even if they have any. But I could do a pot roast with all the trimmings and some kind of fancy dessert. Are you allergic to anything?”
“No.” He didn’t look happy.
She was even tempered as a rule, but his silence grated. “Do you have an objection to observing the holiday with good food?” The words came out more sharply than she had intended. Still, she didn’t regret them.
Nathaniel sat down on a bar stool at the counter and grimaced. “My family was not as warm and fuzzy as yours, Dani. My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia, but not until I was in high school. I don’t know if you can imagine what my childhood was like.”
Suddenly Dani felt small and mean. “What about your father?”
“He loved my mother in spite of everything—and he loved me, I’m sure. But he wasn’t the kind of man who could keep gluing bits of our life back together and making things work. His solution was to spend all his time at the office.”
“I see.” In fact, she saw more than she ever had before. Nathaniel had layers upon layers, it seemed. The more she learned about him, the more it became apparent he was destined to hurt her if she let herself get too close. The man didn’t want a girlfriend or a wife. In fact, he seemed to be rabidly opposed to human emotion in general.
Squashing her disappointment, she managed a light tone. “So is that yes or no to the dessert?”
Finally, she coaxed a smile from him. “I may not know how to properly observe Christmas, but I do like to eat.”
“Well, there you go.” For no apparent reason, Dani felt like crying. She didn’t want to see Nathaniel as a person, a man with hidden vulnerabilities. She didn’t want to like or understand him anymore than she already did. Liking him led to fantasizing about a future that would never be hers. Fortunately, Nathaniel was oblivious to her turmoil.
“Your grocery store plan still doesn’t help us with the baby’s clothing situation, or lack thereof,” he said.
Dani nodded. “I have a lead there, as well. Your poor doorman made it into work this morning, but he’s bored, because clearly there’s not much action in the lobby. I phoned down to him earlier with a question or two. In the process, he told me his daughter has a little girl who’s a year old. He thinks they might have some hand-me-downs we can use for Peaches. And they live close enough he can walk to their apartment tonight after work.”
“Do you make friends with anyone and everyone?”
His tone didn’t sound as if the question was a compliment. Dani chose her words carefully. “The world can be a difficult place. We’re all interconnected. I see no harm in being open to other people and experiences.”
“Maybe you were a hippie flower child in another life,” he muttered.
“I can go, Nathaniel,” she said sharply. “You asked for my help. But if you’re going to act like a horse’s ass all weekend, I’d just as soon leave.”
Her accusation found its mark. For a moment, Nathaniel turned icy and distant. She wanted to run from his disdain, but she held her ground. The standoff felt interminable.
Gradually, his posture softened. His chest lifted and fell in a huge sigh. “I apologize,” he said. “Apparently, I’m not as good at sleep deprivation as I thought.”
“You’re forgiven. I know you’re exhausted.” Dani didn’t hold grudges. Life was too short. A change of subject was in order. “I’m worried that if you get everything we need at the market, it will be too heavy to carry.”
“I have an old army-surplus duffel bag. It’s practically indestructible. I can load it up, cinch the top and drag it back, if necessary.”
“That could work.” The thought of filling Nathaniel’s somewhat-sterile condo with the appealing scents of Christmas excited her.
“Is there anything else Peaches might need that I could get at the store?”
“We covered the basics last night. She’s old enough to begin sampling simple foods, but since we don’t know if Ophelia has given her anything yet, I’d be afraid to try. The formula will be enough for now.”
“You’re the expert.”
“Hardly. I’m just grateful Peaches is an easy baby. I’ve heard stories about colic and other stuff. This situation could have been much worse.”
“It would have been,” Nathaniel said bluntly. “Without you.”
She flushed. “I was an extra pair of hands, that’s all.”
“No,” he said carefully. “It’s more than that. I see it at NCT all the time. People come to you with problems and questions. You triage. You offer solutions. You give support. You’re an extraordinary woman, Dani. Don’t ever underestimate yourself.”
With that, he turned on his heel and walked out of the room.
Dani put a hand to her hot cheek. Wow. That was the warmest and most personal testimonial she had ever received from her boss. And it told her he actually noticed what she did for the company. Sometimes she wondered. He became so absorbed in his work, she’d been convinced at times that he saw her as no different from a computer or the copy machine.
It
