I can’t talk about it. I’m in New Zealand.”
“You’re in New Zealand? I thought you were staying here in Adelaide with Trent last night,” Ethan’s incredulity was clear as it transmitted through the hands-free kit in her rental car.
Tamsyn counted slowly to ten, letting her brother continue to let off steam before replying.
“I’ve ended our engagement.”
There was the briefest of silences as her words sunk in.
“You what?” Ethan sounded as if he wasn’t certain he’d heard her correctly.
“Long story.” She swallowed against the pain that had lessened to a persistent dull throb deep in her chest.
“I have ears.”
“Not now, Ethan. I c-can’t.” Her voice broke and tears spilled uncontrolled down her cheeks.
“I’m going to hurt him,” Ethan growled from far across the Tasman Sea with his characteristic brotherly protectiveness.
“No, don’t. He’s not worth it.”
Her brother sighed and she could feel his concern and frustration in that single huff of air. “When are you coming back?”
“I...I don’t know. It’s kind of up in the air at the moment.” She didn’t think that now was a good time to tell him she’d only bought a one-way ticket.
“Well, at least you trained your assistant to take over when needed. Is Zac up to date with everything?”
Even though she knew he couldn’t see her, Tamsyn shook her head and bit her lip.
“Tam?”
“Um, no. I fired him.”
“You wh—?” Ethan fell silent as he started to put two and two together, coming up with his usual four. Even so, he couldn’t keep the incredulity from his voice. “Zac and Trent?”
“Yup,” she said, her throat almost paralyzed and strangling the single word.
“Will you be okay? I’ll come over. Just tell me where you are.”
“No, don’t. I’ll be fine—eventually. I just need...” She drew in a shuddering breath. She couldn’t even find the words to say what she really needed—she had to simply tell him something he’d understand. “I just need some time alone. Some space so I can think things out. I’m sorry about leaving like this. Everything is in my computer, you know the password, and the bookings are all duplicated on the wall planner as well. Worse comes to worst, they can phone me if they need to.”
“We’ll take care of it, don’t worry.”
Her big brother’s firm conviction wasn’t as good as being right there with him, but in terms of comfort it came close.
“Thanks, Ethan.”
“No problem, but Tam? Who’s going to take care of you?”
“I will,” she said firmly.
“I really think you should come home.”
“No, I know what I need to do. It’s important to me, now more than ever.” This part, she had to share with him—even though she knew he wouldn’t like it. “I’m going to find her, Ethan.”
Silence, then another sigh. “Are you sure now is the best time to go searching for our mother?”
It had already been a few months now, but the shock of discovering their mother—who they’d long been told was dead—was alive and living in New Zealand still reverberated through her mind almost every moment of every day. Learning after his death that their father had lied to them all this time was one thing, discovering the rest of their family had supported him in the lie was another—but realizing that their mother had chosen to remain apart from them, to never even try to make contact, well, that had raised so many questions in Tamsyn’s mind they’d begun to define everything about the way she saw herself.
Tamsyn grimaced and shook her head slightly. “Can’t think of a better time than now, can you?”
“Yeah, actually, I can. You’re hurt, you’re vulnerable. I don’t want you to get let down again. Come home. Let me put an investigator on to it so that you know what you’re going into when they find her.”
She could picture him right now, the frown on his forehead, the thinned line of his lips as he worried from afar.
“I want to do this myself. I need to. Look, I’m not far from that address you gave me a couple of months ago. I’d better go,” she said, checking the distance on the screen of her GPS.
“You’re just going to show up, no warning?”
“Why not?”
“Tam, be sensible. You can’t just arrive on someone’s doorstep claiming to be their long-lost child.”
“Except I’m not lost, am I? She knew where we were all along. She’s the one who left and didn’t come back.”
She couldn’t hide the hurt in the words. A hurt that warred with resentment and anger and sorrow and so many unanswered questions that Tamsyn had hardly had a full night’s sleep since she’d heard the news that her mother still lived. That the woman she’d quietly fantasized about, a mother who’d loved her and cared for her too much to ever leave her behind, didn’t exist. She had so many questions and she had convinced herself that she was strong enough now to face the answers. She needed to so she could move forward with her life, because what she’d believed up until now had been based on lies and fabrication. Trent’s betrayal was the final straw. She didn’t even know who she was anymore. But she was ready to find out. Ethan’s voice broke into her thoughts.
“Do me a favor, find a motel or somewhere and sleep on it before you do anything you might regret. We can talk in the morning.”
“I’ll let you know how it goes,” Tamsyn replied, ignoring her brother’s plea. “I’ll call you in a few days.”
She disconnected the phone before Ethan could say another word and listened carefully as the disembodied voice on the GPS carefully enunciated that her turn was coming up in five hundred meters. Tamsyn’s gut clenched tight. She had to do this. As irrational and out of character as it was for her, the woman who usually planned everything out to the finest degree, she needed to do this.
Carefully, Tamsyn turned in at the imposing stone-wall-lined entrance to a long driveway. She drew the car to a halt and closed her eyes for a moment. This was it—soon she could be face-to-face with her mother for the first time since she was three years old. A shudder passed through her body as her adrenaline levels kicked up a notch.
The past twenty-four hours had been a roller-coaster ride. One that had alternately left her giddy with anticipation or sick to her stomach. Tamsyn opened her eyes and took her foot off the brake. The car began inching forward, rumbling loudly over the cattle guard beneath the tires and along the long straight stretch of driveway that gently inclined up the hill.
To
