fingers dug into his palm. When had he told her he loved her?
From his eyes they fell, silently, trickling onto his clenched hands. He looked down at the unbidden wetness, blinking, momentarily confused. “Big boys don’t cry,” he could hear his mother taunt. And Lacy would whisper in his ear, “It’s all right Q. It’s okay.”
It would never be okay again.
“Comin’ home from church,” he moaned, the force of his sobs shaking his powerful body. “Church! Praying to her God. Where were you tonight? Huh? Why weren’t you watchin’ over my sister, like she said you always did? ’Cause there ain’t no God. You ain’t real. I knew that when you nevah brought my mama back. But Lacy kept believin’, ’cause that’s just the way she was. So why her? Huh? Why? She ain’t never done nothing but good. And you took her. So whatta we got now, huh—God?”
Suddenly he lurched to his feet, staggering, his legs stiff and heavy from hours of immobility. He stumbled toward the window as the hazy orange sun began its ascent above the rooftop rows of tenements and high-rise projects.
Then, as if conjured from the depths of a personal hell, the agonized wail of a mortally wounded soul screaming to end its inhumane torture ripped from the bowels of his being, as his foot crashed through the curtain-covered windows.
“N-ooo!”
The service was a blur, packed with people he’d never even known were friends. His only moment of clarity was when Maxine stepped up to the podium and sang, “You Are My Friend,” in a tribute to Lacy that rivaled Pattie LaBelle.
He could still hear the haunting power of her voice, the painful truth of the words humming through his veins as he and Maxine made their way toward home.
Maxine took periodic, countless glances at Quinn’s drawn profile. He hadn’t uttered a full sentence in days. She was afraid for him, and at the same time she needed him. She needed him to tell her that everything would be all right, to hold her and tell her they’d get through it. She was hurting, too, more than she would have believed was physically possible. But Quinn had left them behind, as sure as Lacy had. He was visible in body, but the spirit of the man was gone.
He turned to her when they reached her apartment building. His hair had come loose from the band that held it, and it blew gently across his black-clad shoulders, touched by the stirring breeze.
“You’d better go on up,” he said in a barely audible voice. He wouldn’t meet her eyes, because he knew that if he did, she’d see the hurt and the fear. He couldn’t expose that part of himself to anyone—not ever again. Big boys don’t cry. It’s okay, Q. “Listen, I gotta go,” he said abruptly. His gaze flickered briefly on her face. Leaning down, he kissed her cheek. “Later.”
Maxine watched his long, bowlegged swagger until he was out of sight.
Several weeks later as Quinn was stepping out of the shower he was surprised to hear the faint ringing of the telephone. He had so isolated himself since Lacy’s death that those who knew him had backed away after repeated attempts at offers of support. That being true, Quinn couldn’t imagine who would have the heart to call just to get their feelings stepped on.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Parker?” came a voice, thin as a rail.
“Yeah. Who’s this?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” she rushed on. “I’ve been trying to reach your sister for days but she never seems to be home.” Quinn’s insides did a nosedive, leaving him momentarily speechless. “Such a hardworking girl, that one. It’s the main reason why I decided to hold the apartment for the two of you. She left your number on the application in case of an emergency.”
He finally found his voice. “W…hat?”
“The apartment. The one on Eighteenth Street. I’ve been holding it for weeks. She promised she’d come by with the rest of the money. When I didn’t hear from her I got worried…”
Quinn’s pulse pounded so loudly in his ears he could barely make out what she was saying. He felt as if he’d been tossed into someone else’s nightmare.
“So I need to know if you two still want the apartment. I know how desperately she wanted to move. Said you’d be a hard sell, though.” She chuckled. “It’s such a lovely place. I told her she should let you see it first, but she insisted that she wanted to take care of everything and surprise you, so you couldn’t say no.” She chuckled again.
Quinn took slow gulps of air. He had every intention of just hanging up, ending the nightmare now. But something kept him on the line and pushed words through his mouth that he didn’t know were forming.
“Why don’t you gimme your address, and I’ll come by. I think it’s about time I saw this place.”
The movers would arrive shortly. He looked around. The apartment was full of memories. All of which he wanted to put behind him.
He’d finally given in to Maxine’s insistence that they go through Lacy’s things. He’d let Max take what she wanted. He took the old second-hand piano, the one Lacy’d given him on his twenty-first birthday. He smiled, recalling the moment and the look of pure joy on her face when she saw his astonished reaction. His fingers lovingly caressed the keys. He moved away and took an accepting breath.
Boxes were packed and taped, his clothes bagged and ready. He checked the cabinets and closets for any overlooked items. He checked under the bed and behind the wall unit. He took a broom and swept it beneath the love seat and then the recliner. Satisfied, he ran the broom under the couch and was surprised to find it meeting resistance. He tried again and his notebook came sailing across the floor.
For several moments, he just stared at it. Bending, he picked it up. Remembering. He ran his hand across the pebbly black-and-white cover. One day perhaps he’d open it again….
The bell rang.
His eyes swept the room.
Time to go.
Chapter 3
The professor’s nasal voice continued its monotonous droning. The words blurred as if water had dripped on a penned page. The room was thick with the scent of sterility, body heat and morning breath.
Amidst it all, Nikita struggled to concentrate. She couldn’t. The drone dissolved into a dull buzz. She wanted to giggle as she pictured the rotund Professor Cronin as a huge bee—buzzing, buzzing, flitting from one student to pollinate another, dripping words of “constructive criticism” all along the way. The room grew smaller. The buzz grew louder, closer. She had to get away. Bzzz, bzzz.
She heard him demanding in his astonished nasal voice that she return to her seat, calling repeatedly to her retreating back. It was the first time she’d heard any animation in the buzz since the start of the spring session.
No one ever walked out of Professor Cronin’s anatomy class, under threat of expulsion. So at any moment she expected a firing squad to let off a round. She hurried. She wanted to run. But of course running through the sanctified hallways of Cornell University Medical School was against the Eleventh Commandment: “Thou shall not digress from proper decorum.” Or was that her parents’
