When she returned to the living room, Joshua was still seated on the sofa. He rose when she entered the room. “You want to tell me what’s going on around here? What happened to Sarge?”
She raised a finger to her lips and indicated he should follow her out the front door. When they were both on the porch, she turned to him. Maybe if she answered his questions he would go away.
“Three years ago, Sarge began to complain about his eyesight, but you know how he’s always been about going to doctors.”
“Yeah, wild horses couldn’t drag him.” He leaned a hip against the porch railing and for the first time she noticed the small differences time had wrought in him. He’d been recklessly handsome at eighteen, dangerously attractive at twenty.
But now, at twenty-five, tiny lines had appeared, fanning out from his startling green eyes, and there was a sheen of worldliness about him that merely added to his physical appeal.
“Anyway, I didn’t realize just how bad it was until he wrecked his police car.” She looked out toward the yard, finding it easier to speak if she wasn’t looking at him.
“The accident wasn’t a bad one, but it convinced him he needed to see a doctor. We discovered he had diabetes, probably had had it for years and the degeneration in his eyes was massive.”
“Is there anything they can do? Any kind of operation?” he asked.
She shook her head, still keeping her gaze focused in the distance. “He’s had two operations on his eyes, but they were unsuccessful. Anyway, over the last two years he’s adjusted fairly well to the blindness. Then, last month he had a stroke. That’s what put him in the wheelchair and he hasn’t been dealing very well with the new challenges.”
She didn’t even realize Joshua had moved from his position until his hand closed around her forearm. “Why didn’t you contact me and tell me what was going on?” His green eyes held the first stir of anger. “I had a right to know that he was ill.”
She jerked her arm away from his grasp and took a step back from him. You had no right. You lost your rights when you walked out, she wanted to say, but she didn’t. “There was nothing you could do…nothing anyone could do. Besides, I’m handling things.”
“Handling things?” He gestured toward the yard. “That’s certainly not the way I see it. It looks like everything is falling apart around you.”
“That’s not true,” she protested. “I’ve just…just gotten a little behind with things.”
He studied her for a long moment. “You look tired, Claire, and you’re too thin. Who is helping you care for Sarge?”
“I don’t need help taking care of him. I told you, we’re fine.” She raised her chin and for a moment their gazes remained locked. “I know Sarge issued an invitation for you to stay here, but I really think you’d be more comfortable at the motel.”
His eyes lightened in hue and a smile curved the corners of his lips. “Why, Cookie, you’re almost making me think you don’t want me here.”
“I don’t want you here. This is Sarge’s house…my home, and you chose to leave it a long time ago.”
“You made it impossible for me to stay,” he replied, the light in his eyes diminishing. “But I have no intention of rehashing the past.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “However, you’re mistaken about one thing. Two years ago I paid off the mortgage on this house, and Sarge insisted I put it in my name. So, I’m really not intruding in your house, for the past two years, I’ve allowed you to live in mine.”
This was the second shock of the day, and Claire wondered how many of these she could take without having a breakdown of some sort. “Then, I guess I have no say as to whether you stay here or not,” she finally said, hoping her voice resonated with a nonchalance she didn’t feel.
“Claire.” He pulled his hands from his pockets and took a step toward her. “Contrary to what you seem to believe, I’m not here to cause you grief. I’d say five years ago we pretty much exhausted that particular emotion.”
He drew a deep breath and looked away from her. “I’d like to spend some time with Sarge, and at least for the short period of time that I’m here, I could help you out a little. You know, maybe mow the lawn and do a little yard clean-up.”
“The spare bedroom is made up,” she finally said, knowing that she was being selfish in not wanting him here. Sarge would enjoy his company and that should be all that was important. Surely she could handle his presence here for a few days as long as he didn’t intend to talk about the past.
“I’ve got some things to do this afternoon. Why don’t I come back here with my things after dinner, say about seven.”
“That will be fine,” she replied, weary resignation sweeping through her.
He turned to leave, but paused and turned back to face her. “Claire, it is good to see you again.” He didn’t wait for her to reply, but instead turned once again and left, walking briskly down the sidewalk.
She sank down on the steps, watching until he was out of sight.
Joshua.
He’d been a teenager from the wrong side of the tracks, raised by an alcoholic uncle and she’d been the sheriff’s granddaughter. They’d been fifteen when he’d first asked her out and on that very first date she fell hopelessly, helplessly in love with him.
She’d spent the last five years of her existence trying to forget him and everything that had happened in that last year of their marriage.
She stood and brushed off the seat of her pants, hoping he didn’t intend to stay too long. One thing was certain, while he was here, she would keep her distance, both physically and emotionally.
She couldn’t go back to that place in time, couldn’t dwell in ancient memories. She feared that if she did, she would lose her mind to the grief and never surface again.
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