Chapter Three
“I still don’t see why you have to move away.” Nan’s voice verged on the quarrelsome. “After all, Kellridge is only a quarter of an hour from here. Why can’t you just stay there during the day?”
Becky folded another gown and tucked it into her valise with a deft hand. Now that the process of moving to Kellridge had begun, it was all rather exhilarating. In fact, she was hard-pressed to remain steady and calm when the desire to give in to giddiness was so great. “But Juliet is still quite young. I need to be with her at all times, even when she awakens at night.”
“That’s quite enough of being pettish, Nan.” Susannah glanced up from the small pile of nightgowns she was folding. “We’ve already had this discussion. This arrangement is beneficial to all parties. I won’t have my sisters fighting. We shan’t become estranged from one another. We’ve been through too much. If this will salvage your relationship, then ’tis well worth it.” She frowned and smoothed the bodice of one nightgown before handing it to Becky. “I can’t believe you two have argued this much. ’Tis troubling indeed.”
“But—” Nan caught Becky’s gaze and her blue eyes filled with tears “—I’ll miss you.”
Becky’s heart lurched in her chest. With one impulsive gesture, she gathered her little sister into her arms. Nan might be practical and efficient to a fault, but she would always be so dear. She patted Nan’s back with a soothing gesture. “Don’t cry. This is a good thing, I promise. You’ll have room to grow the shop as you wish. I can try to find work that suits me better. I want to be there for Juliet. She has so little in this world. I won’t be far, and I shall visit you often. I promise.”
Nan circled her arms around Becky’s waist and they stood, embracing, for a moment. How long had it been since she felt this close to Nan? Months, at least. Well before Susannah’s marriage. They had been such chums back then. When Susannah left, the steadying influence had drifted out of their daily lives and they’d squabbled over so many things, both big and small. Distance really was the best way to mend the fences between them.
Lieutenant Walker’s marriage still stung her deeply. In fact, it rather left her breathless to think how quickly he’d forgotten about her. The only way to overcome the humiliation was to prove herself worthy and useful to someone, even if she wasn’t a bride.
“That’s enough, you two.” Susannah’s gentle yet commanding voice broke into Becky’s thoughts. “Nan, go downstairs and brew some tea. I want to talk to Becky alone for a moment.”
Nan wiped her eyes with the corner of her apron and, giving Becky a watery smile, quit the room. Funny, Nan would never take orders from Becky that way. Only Susannah could boss them both around in that manner. Becky turned to face her sister, steeling herself for the lecture on deportment and decorum that was sure to come. Susannah was so particular about manners.
“When I was packing your vanity table, I came across this.” Susannah held up Lieutenant Walker’s letter. Becky gulped. Now the depths of her humiliation would be known.
Susannah sat on the bed, the mattress giving a mournful squeak as she did so. “What is the meaning of this? Why are you receiving letters from a man?”
Becky cast about for something—anything—intelligent to say. She should have packed the contents of her vanity table herself. Not that she had anything to hide—but still—trying to explain this was going to be an utterly mortifying experience. She shook her head, sending a silent plea that Susannah would drop the matter entirely.
“How did you meet him?” Susannah placed the envelope in Becky’s lap.
Of course not.
“His regiment was quartered in Tansley. We met by chance at the bakery one day.” A beautiful, sunny day, when the world was full of promise...
“A soldier? How often did you meet him? Has he proposed? Does Nan know?” Susannah was losing her temper, and if she did, then nothing could be done. She must confess the awful truth of her humiliation.
“Not much happened.” Funny. Looking back on it now, their friendship seemed so thin and insubstantial. Yet, at the time, it had meant the world. “We met a few times out on the moor and went for walks. I am sure it was nothing more than a pleasant diversion for him, for he wrote to tell me he has been wed. I’m such a fool, Susannah. I was so certain he was going to propose to me. I thought we both felt such a spark.” Her lips trembled violently and she pursed them for a moment to gather her wits. When it was safe to proceed, she continued. “I stayed with Nan and with the shop—even with things as bad as they had grown—because I was so sure I would soon be married. Then, when I received that letter, I found I just couldn’t bear it anymore.”
“Oh, Becky.” Susannah took her hands in her own and squeezed them. “You were always such a romantic little thing.”
“Well, I’m not any longer.” She straightened her spine and willed herself to stop shuddering and simpering like a ninny. “When Paul offered me the chance to be Juliet’s nursemaid, he opened my prison door. I can strike out on my own. I won’t have to be under Nan’s thumb anymore. I can learn to lead my own life.”
“Don’t give up being who you are. Your dreaminess and passionate views about life make you the Becky we know and love.” Susannah gazed at her with eyes that had turned a stormy-gray. “When I needed to be released from caring about the shop and being mother to the two of you, you set me free. Do you remember that night?”
Becky nodded, smiling a little at the memory. “Yes. Nan slept through our whole conversation.”
Susannah laughed. “Yes, she did. A placid soul, our Nan. But you gave me the freedom to love and to create a life of my own. So I now return the favor. Becky, if this is what you want, then go ahead. Don’t worry about the shop or about Nan. All will be well.”
“Thank you.” She would give up on love and romance. They nipped too deeply into her soul. From now on, despite Susannah’s well-meant warning, she would give them up and try to be useful. “I want to learn a trade. Now that I know I shan’t marry, I will become a nursemaid and a governess. When Juliet no longer needs me, I can find a job in another house.”
Susannah shook her head, her mouth quirking gently. “Don’t let one man ruin your hopes and dreams. You may yet find love with someone else, you know. You’re so young.”
“No, indeed.” Becky gave a defiant toss of her head. “I shall be an independent woman from now on.” And she would, too. She must prove—if to no one but herself—that she was of some value in this world. She was done with passion, tenderness and romance. No more walks on the moor for her. No more windswept moments with her long curls streaming behind her. There must be a reason for all of this. Perhaps this was God’s way of telling her that she needed a firmer foundation.
If that were so, then from now on, she would be as practical as...as...as that willow basket in the corner. She seized the letter, unfolded it, and tore it across three times.
Susannah watched her destruction of the missive, disapproval written plain across her pretty face. “If that’s what you wish.”
Becky continued her massacre of the missive, tearing it into little bits, heaping the pieces into a pile on her lap. Each rip brought both pain and relief, like removing a bandage from a wound. “This is precisely what I
