what Jason wanted.
Hell, she was almost positive it wasn’t. If he couldn’t go on any more missions and decided to stay on the ranch, would she always feel like his consolation prize?
* * *
JASON CALLED LYNN to find out if she’d heard anything from her sources. She had heard the same thing Dennis had, which she thought meant good news for their bid. But she said she’d been in the business long enough to know that anything could happen before the official announcement. Still, she felt confident enough to book a trip to Houston and the ranch in four days’ time to assess the property. She liked to meet the people she’d be working with in person.
Jason hung up and went to look for Molly. He couldn’t find her in the house and Rina was deep in conversation with Jeb and Andy in the kitchen, so Jason skipped going in there. He really didn’t want to talk to anyone. Just needed to find Molly.
He didn’t like that he felt that way and almost turned around and went back up to his room. He needed Molly now. He knew that this afternoon in the office and the tub had strengthened the tenuous bonds between them, but it was more than that. He’d needed her for a while. He depended on being able to talk to her and get her opinion.
He was using her to help him through this time when nothing was certain. He knew that wasn’t fair, but that didn’t change the truth.
Giving up on his search of the house, he strode outside. The Mule was still parked where he’d left it so he drove it over to the barn to park it properly and then sat there listening to the sound of the wind blowing over the fields. The cattle were all out to pasture, but the horses in the barn made some soft sounds.
He closed his eyes and stored this moment in his head. He was determined to go back into space, where it was cold and he wouldn’t hear the wind or smell the fields. Where he would be isolated again, from everything but his crewmates.
He craved that isolation. As much as he knew he’d miss this, too.
If he passed the medical.
And if he didn’t? Would it be enough to stay on the ranch, to run the training facility? Would he still feel whole?
He got off the Mule and walked over to the barn. He glanced inside, but Molly wasn’t there. Where had she gone?
He wondered if she’d changed her mind about going with him to Houston.
He’d be disappointed if she had. He shouldn’t let this continue, he knew. Shouldn’t let himself care for her. He needed to be the Ace he’d always been. And he’d always been on his own. Was he hedging his bets with Molly, keeping her close as a backup plan?
He’d wondered about that before and now it seemed more important that he try to answer the question.
He left the barn and walked back toward the house on the meandering path that took him past the bunkhouses. Only one was being used right now by the hands. They’d set up a basketball hoop to the left of the bunkhouse and three of the guys were playing a game of keep-away.
He remembered growing up here. Remembered playing basketball with the other guys who had found themselves living on the ranch. One of them had called it the ass end of nowhere. It had certainly felt that way to Jason. Mick had been the person who’d made it tolerable for him. Had given him books to read and nurtured his love of the cosmos. It was Mick who’d put the idea of being an astronaut in his head.
That was what he’d thought would happen this time—returning to the ranch would give him clarity, help him figure out what was next. But it didn’t. He wasn’t resetting. He felt too old to start over and he didn’t want to.
He knew what he wanted.
Space.
Exploring the universe, seeing comets, stars, asteroids and planets no other human had been close to.
But he also wanted Molly.
This afternoon had made him realize that he wasn’t on a solo mission anymore. Sometime in the last six weeks that had changed. And it wasn’t because of anything she’d been doing. It was because of his own actions—working on the ranch and making plans for a life that included NASA but wasn’t devoted solely to it. He’d never had this before and he felt like he had on his first space walk.
Scared.
Maybe a little bit excited, but unsure, feeling his way. A part of him was ready to hear that he was permanently grounded.
He was trying to convince himself it would be okay. Whatever Dr. Tomlin said he’d accept it. He had no choice.
He neared the house and noticed Molly standing on the porch, staring down at him. How long had she been watching him?
What did she see when she looked at him?
A man who was here for the long haul or someone who was using the Bar T the way he had as a kid? That would be a fair assessment since he’d been clear that that was what he was doing. But he wanted her to see something better in him.
He wasn’t sure what he wanted from her. Hell, he didn’t even know what he wanted from himself.
“Whatcha doing?” he called out when he was close enough for her to hear. Trying to be cool and casual. Not like a man who needed her more than he wanted to admit to himself.
“Watching the sky. I think we might get some storms tonight.”
He felt like the storm was already here. Raining and thundering through his soul and leaving him huddled and unsure. She watched him and it did nothing to help him. He knew he had to figure out what he wanted from his life and he needed to do it now before he fell any harder for her. Because once he fell in love his options would change. They had to. And he wasn’t ready for that to happen.
Why had he thought that he could sleep with Molly and it wouldn’t be anything other than physical?
She’d always been the one woman he’d never been able to forget.
* * *
JASON DIDN’T SAY much the next morning as he drove his late-model sports car through the Houston traffic. They’d left the ranch early but still hit traffic on US 59 as they’d approached the city.
“The last time I was here was for college,” Molly said, trying to engage him in conversation to take his mind off the tests.
“You never did say why you left.”
She nibbled on her bottom lip, looking out the window at the other commuters creeping along the highway. What could she say? “It was a relationship. That was the real reason. Annabelle’s messiness wasn’t actually that hard to live with.”
“What happened?”
She rubbed the back of her neck. She didn’t like to talk about it. Who did? Breakups were messy, painful and embarrassing. “I fell hard for this guy. He seemed to fall for me, and then...life happened. He got called back home because his mom was sick and while he was there he fell out of love with me. End of story.”
“That doesn’t sound like that’s all there is to it.”
She
