I can make it on my own.”
Shane didn’t mean to doubt her. It’s just that… Well, he was finding it difficult to get a firm read on her, so he asked, “Then what’s the best way for me to help you? I’m afraid the ball is in your court.”
Was it?
Jillian had just placed a spoonful of broth into her mouth, so she couldn’t have managed a quick response if she’d wanted to, which was just as well. Her first thought was to tell him, You can stop asking me questions and start answering a few of mine.
After all, she’d come out to Brighton Valley to learn more about Shane, but she couldn’t very well open by bringing up the incident that had caused him to get in trouble with the HPD—even if that was the main thing she both wanted and needed to know.
If she did broach a sticky subject like that right off the bat, he’d wonder how she’d found out about it. And what was she supposed to admit? That she’d not only done an internet search, which everyone did these days, but that she’d also enlisted the help of an investigative journalist?
It was too soon to do that, so she answered as honestly as she could. “I’m really not sure how you can help.”
“Like I said before, I want to be involved in the baby’s life.”
“Well, under the circumstances, that’s going to be a little tough, isn’t it?”
It was the truth, although she hoped the words didn’t come across as harshly as they sounded after the fact.
Shane glanced down at his uneaten burger, then met her gaze. Yet he didn’t speak.
He was a handsome man and a good lover—that, she knew. But she had no idea what was under the surface—or what kind of father he’d make. And his desire to be a part of the baby’s life caught her off guard, causing her maternal instincts to kick in.
“If you’re thinking you’d like to share custody, that won’t work. A baby needs its mother.”
Shane stiffened as if she’d struck him, and she wasn’t sure why. He lived two hours away. How could they possibly consider joint custody until the child was older? And even then, she wasn’t willing to enter an arrangement like that until she knew him better and could determine whether he harbored either a short fuse or a violent streak.
She placed the lid back on her soup container, no longer hungry. Why had she told him she was pregnant? Okay, so it wouldn’t have been right to keep it from him, but she was having serious misgivings.
Shane pushed his food aside. “Look, I didn’t mean that I expected to have the baby every other weekend, it’s just that… Well, I have a big family and a lot of nieces and nephews. I want them to know my son and to be able to play with him.”
“Your son?” She smiled, assuming that he probably thought he could relate better to a boy—playing ball, riding horses and whatever activities daddies liked to do with their children. “What if the baby is a girl?”
He paused, and that fleeting shadow darkened his eyes again, moving on as quickly as it had arisen.
“A little girl would be fine with me,” he said. “I’m just trying to figure out how to make a difficult situation work out for everyone involved.”
“Everyone?”
“You, me and the baby.”
Jillian thought about that for a moment, then decided that he wasn’t being completely unreasonable. “I suppose you could drive to Houston on the weekends and visit us.”
Again, he stiffened, as if offended by the offer.
“I’d also be happy to invite your nieces and nephews over to spend time with their new cousin,” she added.
He seemed to be mulling that over. Couldn’t he see that she was willing to compromise—when possible?
She reached across the table and placed her hand on his forearm, felt the strength of well-defined muscles. “I’m sure you’re a wonderful man, Shane. And that you’ll make a great father. It’s just that…I don’t really know that yet. I don’t know much about you. I’m sorry if I’m coming across as resistant or difficult. My motherly instincts must be coming into play.”
At that, she could feel the tension ease in his forearm, and his expression softened.
“I already made a mistake by marrying a man I couldn’t trust,” she said. “So I hope you won’t blame me for being gun-shy when it comes to jumping into any kind of relationship, especially when I have a baby to consider this time around.”
He placed his hand on top of hers, his touch sending a whisper of heat coursing through her.
Yet it was the intensity of his gaze, the ragged sincerity in his eyes, that urged her to give him a chance—to give them all one.
“I can’t blame you for wanting to be careful,” he said. “I’m a little gun-shy, too. And since you’re going to be the mother of my baby, I’d like to know with absolute certainty that you’ll make a good one.”
She hadn’t realized that he had some of the same concerns that she had, a thought that soared crazily like a broken kite on a snapped string.
“You could be a good actress,” he said, “but something tells me that you’re every bit the woman I thought you were when I showed up at your house in Houston, hoping a long-distance relationship might work out between us. But back then, I figured it was worth the risk of striking out if you’d rejected the idea.”
“And now?”
“With a baby in the balance, I think it’s critical for us to know the truth about each other.”
She couldn’t agree more.
After a beat, she asked, “So now what? Where do we go from here?”
She expected his gaze to travel to the bed in the center of the room. After all, that’s where they knew each other best. But instead, he focused on her, this time turning her heart inside out.
“You mentioned that your fall semester will be starting,” he said.
“Yes, in three weeks.” She’d also planned to take a class through the local YMCA on newborn and infant development in the evenings. And she hoped to start preparing a nursery.
He leaned forward, his hand still lightly pressing on hers. “Why don’t you come out to Brighton Valley while you’re still out of school? I’ll cut back on my hours at the ranch, and we can use the time to get to know each other better.”
The invitation took her aback, yet she thought long and hard over what he was proposing.
Where would she stay? Even a room at the Night Owl would get expensive after a while. She’d been trying to stretch her dollars so that her money would last until she secured a teaching position and could afford day care.
As if reading her mind, he said, “You can stay in my apartment with me. I’ll sleep on the sofa—if you’re worried about my motives.”
