for a month or so yet. Don’t you know that?’ she asked, pulling clothing out of the closet while studiously ignoring him in the hope that he would recognise that his presence was inappropriate.
‘No. I know absolutely nothing about pregnancy,’ Nikolai admitted. ‘But I can find out.’
‘Don’t push yourself on my account,’ Ella flipped back drily.
‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner?’ he pressed while she stood at the vanity combing through her wet hair.
‘I was shocked. When we discussed us starting a family you weren’t exactly enthusiastic about the concept of becoming a father,’ Ella reminded him flatly. ‘I assumed it would upset you and I didn’t want that this early in our marriage. Of course, I didn’t know that there was an even bigger elephant hiding in the room!’
Nikolai settled her rings down on the counter at her elbow. ‘Please put your rings back on...’
‘No,’ Ella countered flatly, her lips compressed.
‘After I first met you in that car park and you turned me down I ran like hell away from you,’ Nikolai breathed, startling her. ‘I think on some level I knew that if I got involved with you it was going to turn into something I wasn’t ready for.’
‘You have some imagination, Nikolai. Telling me that you ran like hell isn’t exactly a compliment,’ Ella pointed out.
‘But it’s the truth.’
‘The truth is that you only looked me up again because Cyrus took a strange fancy to me,’ Ella reminded him as she walked out of the bathroom back into the bedroom.
‘I was obsessed by my need for revenge. I took no account of anything else. For five years I lived, breathed and slept revenge. I was very angry and bitter about Sofia and I think it was like poison in my brain.’
‘And together we’re toxic,’ Ella slotted in, refusing to be persuaded.
‘Max has lunch ready for us downstairs.’ Nikolai pulled open the bedroom door.
The table on the veranda was beautifully set. The honeymoon couple’s dream lunch served on exquisite china amid flowers and crystal. She breathed in deep, the dogs nudging a welcome against her ankles, and she paused for a moment to give them some attention.
Nikolai saw that having three or four legs, a shaggy coat and a tail bought advantages he couldn’t dream of acquiring. He breathed in deep and slow, reminding himself of the positives. She hadn’t gone for the suitcases yet, hadn’t mentioned flying anywhere. He was terrified that she would want to leave Crete and him behind.
‘We’re not toxic,’ he declared, pouring some water for her. ‘And I wouldn’t have got “upset” about the baby. Like you, I’m very practical. That’s something we have in common. It is what it is and we can both adapt to suit a new situation.’
‘I loved you!’ Ella slung at him without the smallest warning.
Nikolai shrank from the past tense. ‘The dynamic changed between us very fast. I had no plans beyond taking you to that charity function and moving you into the town house. Somewhere about there I lost control of everything...’
‘Are you trying to excuse yourself for having sex with me?’ Ella enquired in a glacial voice.
His dark deep-set eyes flashed gold. ‘No. I’d be a complete liar if I said I had regrets about that. In fact you pretty much owned me from that day on.’
‘Owned you?’ Ella repeated emphatically. ‘Because of the sex?’
Nikolai sank an entire glass of wine. It was so difficult. He had never done anything so difficult as trying to talk to Ella in the mood she was currently in. ‘Hardly,’ he deflected. ‘I suspect that’s when I fell in love with you. You snuggled up to me in bed and, although I didn’t admit it to myself, I liked it. I still really like it when you do that and it’s so peculiar for me to like something like that...’
Ella almost dropped the glass in her hand. She stared at him, colour rising in her cheeks. ‘You’re lying, of course you’re lying. You’re still in guilty-conscience mode and you know I love you, so you’re telling me what you think I want to hear.’
‘But you don’t want to hear it,’ Nikolai pointed out helplessly. ‘You only want to sit there judging me and deciding that I am a total bastard in every way. And I was a bastard before I met you.’
‘And when you first met me and when you met me a second time,’ Ella reminded him.
‘But I changed. You changed me. Don’t ask me how. It happened and here I am and I’m as obsessed with you now as I once was with Cyrus,’ Nikolai completed fiercely. ‘I don’t do or plan anything without thinking about you. You’re always inside my head.’
Ella was finally starting to listen. Even the dogs were listening because Nikolai had a piece of baguette in his hand and he was waving his hands around as he spoke and the dogs were very hopeful that that piece of bread would fall in their direction. ‘Really?’
‘Yes, really,’ Nikolai derided. ‘I’m crazy about you.’
‘You have a funny way of showing it.’
‘I couldn’t love you and not tell you the truth. That wouldn’t have been fair.’
Ella studied him, slowly, almost painfully registering his sincerity, his certainty. He really believed that he loved her now. He really, truly believed that. ‘When I told you that I loved you, you said nothing,’ she reminded him.
‘I had to tell you the truth first but I was... I was...’
‘What?’ she broke in impatiently.
‘Scared... OK? Satisfied now?’ Nikolai raked back at her angrily. ‘I was scared I would lose you but I couldn’t live with keeping a secret like that from you.’
Ella went pink and dropped her head. ‘Oh,’ she almost whispered, wondering why she was being so hard on him.
Yes, he had hurt her but she appreciated his respect for the truth, his inability to stay quiet and pretend that everything was all right when it wasn’t. She breathed in slow and deep. Nikolai Drakos loved her... Nikolai loved her. A tiny ping of happiness cut through her grey cloud of heartbroken misery and regret. She was scared to feel happy, scared to trust him. But Nikolai had pretty much felt the same way, she reasoned wryly. Love didn’t come with guarantees any more than people did. And yes, he was far from perfect, but then she wasn’t perfect either and she loved him so very much it hurt to have a table separating them. Slowly she rose to her feet.
Sensing a change in the atmosphere, Nikolai surveyed her warily. ‘I can make this up to you. I do know I messed up really badly—’
‘Shut up,’ Ella told him, tipping herself down into his lap. ‘It’s done and dusted and when I told you that I loved you I meant it. I love you even when you mess things up. I may get angry and shout and throw my rings at you...but at the end of it all I will still love you very, very much. As long as the mess up doesn’t involve another woman,’ she qualified hastily, lest he think he could be forgiven for any sin.
Nikolai
