room with a Santa hat on, and my mother—wielding the camera—saying, “Assieds-tu! Stay … sta—stay, Jasper!”
“Get together, ladies!” she said now, throwing her head back and standing an unfamiliar-with-newfangled-camera distance away from the screen. “Okay, one, two …”
Jasper jumped up and barked, as if he wanted to be in another picture. The flash caught us reacting down at the dog, and the next picture was of us laughing about it. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt like this. I was surrounded by people who used my name, who liked me, and who never compared me to Becca Normandy.
“You, too, Barbara,” my dad said, taking the camera from her.
“Oh, I can’t, I’ll look even older next to these,” she said, gesturing at Emma, Leah and me, “beautiful, young, faces!”
“You look gorgeous,” Leah said, putting an arm around her and pulling her in for the picture.
My dad smiled. “One, two, three, say New Year’s Eve!”
“New Year’s Eve!” we all said together.
“Me, too!” Lily said, and then stood in front of us, hands on her hips.
It carried on like this for most of the night, everyone taking turns with the new camera. At some point during the evening, Lily and her friend had paraded in Jasper and Pongo. The dogs were wearing some of Lily’s princess dresses from her dress-up trunk, panting wildly and obliviously.
A game of charades was attempted, but could not be taken seriously by anyone, and no one seemed to notice or mind. When it came time for the ball to drop, we all counted down from ten together, and had the ceremonial hugs and kisses to celebrate midnight.
Michael and Leah kissed well into the New Year. Emma and I squeezed each other and gave a quick peck before blowing into and rattling our noisemakers.
A few minutes later, I was coming out of the bathroom in the upstairs hallway and I ran into Michael.
“God, Michael, don’t just lurk around like that. It’s creepy.”
He shrugged. “How are you doing up at Manderley?”
I straightened up, surprised at what seemed to be a genuine interest in my life. “Um … pretty good. It’s hard being new. But I expected that.”
“Yeah, but you’re probably popular.”
I scoffed and wavered a little in my heels. “Oh, yeah? Is that what you see when you see me? Popularity material?”
He looked me up and down and then pushed himself off the wall he’d been leaning on. “You’re hot as shit. That usually does it for girls.”
It was dark, so I couldn’t totally see his face, but he didn’t sound like he was kidding.
“Ha,” I said anyway, “right, well. Yeah, thanks, Michael.”
I started to walk down the hallway, but he grabbed me by the elbow. I tried to shake him off.
“Please don’t make this weird, Mike.”
He pulled me toward him and kissed me. I pushed him back, pulling my mouth away and finally stomping on his foot with my heel.
“What the hell is your problem?” he asked.
“My problem? You’re kidding me!”
I stormed off, and down the steps. I walked up to Leah. “I need to talk to you.”
“Why’s your lipstick so smeared?” She looked over my shoulder. I followed her eye line to see Michael limping and pink in the face. Not just from blushing, but from my lipstick.
“I need to talk to you,” I repeated. But she didn’t look like she was going to listen. She was angry and ready to yell.
“Leah, calm down, you don’t know—” Emma tried to reach for her, but Leah shrugged out of her grip.
“Please—” I started, but she put a hand in my face.
“Do not,” she said, “talk to me.”
I swatted at her hand. “Are you joking? You really think—are you fucking kidding me?”
She stormed out of the house, Michael on her heels. I followed them both.
“Leah!” I shouted. “You cannot seriously think what you seem to be thinking.”
“I don’t know what to expect from you anymore!” She cracked her knuckles like she did when she was nervous. “You know, Michael said you always seemed to want him, but I thought that couldn’t possibly be true. Yeah, you always seemed to like him, but I didn’t think you’d ever try anything. Frankly, I didn’t think you’d have the guts.”
“If by that you mean that I can’t even stomach the thought of it, then no, I do not have the guts.”
“Whatever, it just figures that you’d do it and immediately come to talk to me about it. You are such a coward.”
I was baffled. I shook my head in disbelief. “What exactly are you criticizing me for? The fact that you think your best friend betrayed you, the fact that I’m too big a wimp to do that or the fact that I’m a little bitch because I’m too honest? Well, throw this on top of everything you’re mad about. Your so-called best friend—” I pointed to myself “—thinks your boyfriend is a disgusting, smarmy sleazeball.”
“Don’t you even—”
“Oh, I’m not done!” My voice rang through the night air. “I think that smarm is contagious, because you’ve obviously caught it. What kind of a dumb girl are you, that you believe your dick of a boyfriend before you believe your best friend?” I turned to leave, but then added, “And when you do realize you’re wrong? Do not even bother trying to make up with me. We’re done.”
I didn’t know why, but somehow I felt better. I had no place in this world, and in some way that was freeing. It meant I had no allegiance.
chapter 20 becca
IT WAS CHRISTMAS BREAK. BECCA HAD PLAYED sweet with Max for a tortuous two months, and kept him with her. By now she’d really convinced everyone around her that they were madly, incurably in love. Including, hopefully, Max.
Max, though still with Becca, was clearly growing less enchanted with her. It didn’t seem to matter, however, because his parents wanted to meet her, and had invited her for New Year’s weekend. Her own parents were more than willing to let her go, since they wanted to spend even less time with her than did Max.
Assholes.
He’d gotten her a Polaroid camera for Christmas. It was one of the old ones that spit out a square picture with the white frame. He remembered that she had mentioned something about how they were the best cameras and always resulted in the best pictures.
