She couldn’t talk about what had happened.
It was too private. Too personal.
“Élise, you are burning those pancakes.” Calm, Elizabeth stood up, and Élise swore fluently in French and then English as she whipped the pan off the heat and glared at Kayla.
“This is all your fault.”
“Of course it is. Everything is my fault.” Kayla eyed Brenna and then turned to Elizabeth. “You remember those photos you promised me? The ones of Tyler as a baby?”
“He would kill me if I handed those over.”
“I won’t use them without his permission, I promise.”
Elizabeth opened her mouth and closed it again as understanding dawned. “Why don’t I look for them right now? It might take me a while,” she said vaguely. “I have no idea where they are. You girls enjoy your breakfast. Don’t wait for me.”
“I cannot believe I did that.” Disgusted, Élise scraped the mess from the bottom of the pan and put it in the sink to soak. “If one of my staff was that careless, I would fire them.”
“It amazes me that your staff loves you so much.” Kayla sat down next to Brenna. “What’s happened, Bren? Is it your mother?”
“No.” Brenna shook her head. “It’s nothing. I’m all right.”
“Oh, please, you’re talking to us, not a bunch of strangers. We can see you’re not all right.” Kayla reached out to rub her shoulder gently, and the kindness of the gesture tipped Brenna over the edge.
“I ruined it.” She choked on the words. “I did what you all told me to do and spoke my mind, but it ruined everything, and I want to put the clock back but I know I can’t and it’s done now, but I’ve lost my best friend, and I don’t know how I’ll cope with that. Not being able to talk with him, laugh with him, ski together—” The enormity of it hit her, and suddenly she was crying so hard, she couldn’t breathe, and she felt Kayla’s arms come around her, felt herself hugged and soothed, but all that did was make her cry more. “It’s over. For a moment I was the happiest I’ve ever been—” she hiccuped her way through the words “—and now I’m the most miserable I’ve ever been.”
“I don’t understand.” Kayla stroked her hair and held her. “Why is it over?”
“Me, I am completely confused.” Élise plopped into the chair next to her and squeezed Brenna’s leg. “Explain.”
“I told him how I felt. And then we had sex. I had sex with Tyler.”
There was a brief pause, and she thought she felt Kayla punch the air but when she pulled away to rub the tears from her face, both girls were looking worried.
Élise pulled a face. “And was a bad thing because all your life you have wanted this moment and built it up in your head and it was a big disappointment, no?”
“What? No! It was incredible.” Remembering brought more tears, and she dug in her pocket for a tissue and blew her nose. “It was the single most amazing night of my life. It was—oh, my God—almost worth blowing a whole friendship for.” But not quite.
“Right,” Kayla said slowly, “so why is this bad?”
“Because he woke up this morning and he said it was all a big mistake, he wished it hadn’t happened and he wanted things to be the same as they were before.”
Kayla sat back in her chair with a sigh. “Oh, Tyler, you fool.”
“I will fillet him, yes?” Élise kept her hand on Brenna’s leg. “I will serve him up medium-rare or well-done. Your choice. Then he will learn to be better at communicating.”
“I don’t want you to do anything.” Brenna blew her nose. “Or say anything. I don’t want anyone knowing or talking about it. He can’t help the way he feels.”
Kayla pulled a face. “He’s crazy about you, Bren.”
“Obviously not.” Brenna stuffed the mangled tissue up her sleeve. “I woke up this morning to an empty bed. He was in the bathroom having a panic attack. I saw it in his eyes.”
Élise made a disparaging noise. “Men, they are such wimps.”
“I told him I loved him.” She blew her nose again. “I thought I’d try being honest and speaking my mind, and I’m so tired of trying to hide my feelings. And he seemed fine, it didn’t change anything—but he didn’t say it back. At the time—”
“At the time you were focused on the moment.”
“Yes, but this morning—I saw it in his eyes.”
“He is scared.” Élise gave Brenna a brief hug and stood up. “He is terrified, and the terror it is making him stupid. This we can solve. He will calm down. So now you will stop crying and eat pancakes while we come up with a plan.” She walked back around the table, turned the heat up under the pan and started again.
Brenna shook her head. “No plan. No more meddling. No more telling me to speak up. No more throwing us together.” She glanced at Kayla, who blushed.
“I’m really sorry.” She sounded contrite. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Bren. You were so unhappy, and I love you and wanted to fix it, and I thought if the two of you were together then maybe things might work out.”
“Well, they didn’t, and they won’t, and now we don’t even have our friendship anymore.” She tried to control her breathing. “Whenever anything was bad in my life, when things were hard at school or at home, he was the one I turned to. He was my best friend. So who do I talk to now he’s the problem?”
“You talk to us.” Kayla touched her arm gently. “You have us.”
“So you give up?” Élise poured the mixture into the pan and tilted it. “You are a strong, determined woman. This is not like you.”
“It has nothing to do with strength or determination. I told him how I felt. I did that. And I wish I hadn’t. I gambled and lost.”
“You really believe he doesn’t have feelings for you?”
Brenna thought about the night before. About his mouth, his touch, the way he’d looked at her, how gentle he’d been, how caring and tender.
“I think he has feelings. But you’re right that those feelings terrify him. He hasn’t been serious about a woman since Janet.”
“He wasn’t serious about Janet.” Elizabeth walked back into the room. “I’m sorry, dear. I know you feel uncomfortable talking about this with me, but you shouldn’t. You’ve been part of this family since you were a little girl. I love you as if you were my own.”
Brenna’s eyes filled again, and Kayla sniffed.
“Stop it, Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth sat down in the chair vacated by Élise. “He didn’t love Janet, you
