I’m going to apply to.’
‘Can you afford the time?’
‘Not at the moment,’ he admitted, ‘but I can cut back on some other things.’ They sat in Central Park and looked at the couples going past on the last of the night carriage rides and then up to Angel’s and all that was going on unseen behind the windows. ‘I don’t think I’m right as Head of Paeds,’ Jack admitted. ‘The board is happy because I’m bringing in a lot of funds but, really, my role should be more hands on …’
‘You can make it that way.’
‘I’m going to,’ Jack said. ‘I’m going to pull back on the fundraising stuff and put in some hours at the pro bono centre, but I don’t think I’m practising medicine the way I want to. I know I’m good at what I do, but …’ he let out a breath ‘… I want to do more.’
‘You will, then,’ Nina said. She had, for so long, thought him cold and arrogant and, yes, in recent times she had seen a different side to him, but tonight she really was starting to understand why Jack was the way he was. ‘What was it like, growing up with them?’
‘Messed up,’ Jack said. ‘But at the time you think it’s normal. I was told off for crying, for any display of emotion really. I think I finally worked out how far from normal it was when I was eight and stayed with that family for a week. I saw how different things should be.’
‘Yet you didn’t go and stay with them at Christmas?’
‘Because it’s easier not to know how bad things really are sometimes,’ Jack explained. ‘I understand how angry Janey was last week—how an amazing weekend away just made it harder to go back—that was how I felt after my holiday.’
‘So much for the perfect family,’ Nina said. ‘Maybe there is no such thing.’
They hailed a cab and as they approached her apartment Jack just sat there as Nina went to climb out.
‘Aren’t you coming in?’
‘Am I invited?’ Jack asked, and Nina took a breath.
‘For coffee.’
‘Then yes.’
Blake was asleep and Janey was watching a movie, but after a brief chat she went off yawning to bed.
‘Here.’ Nina handed him his coffee and she felt incredibly awkward, embarrassed to be alone with him, with the man who knew so much about her past.
But was somehow still there.
Jack looked around the shabby apartment that had been so fought for and cherished by three people, and he knew why—it was home.
‘Thanks for these past couple of weeks, Jack.’ Nina made herself say it. ‘I really do mean that.’
‘You’re welcome,’ Jack said, and took a mouthful of coffee before speaking. ‘Thank you too.’
‘For what?’ Nina grinned.
‘Oh, a few things spring to mind—changing my career path for one.’
‘Sorry about that.’
He drained his coffee. ‘I’m going to go.’
He really ought to do exactly that, the sensible part of him knew that as he stood, or rather the sensible part of the Jack he had been a couple of weeks ago, who had looked out at the ward and chastised himself for even considering a fling with Nina Wilson, knew that he should just get out now. Except he’d done more thinking these past weeks than he had in a long time, and more thinking that he’d ever thought he would about a woman in the days since she’d asked him to leave.
‘‘Night, Nina.’
He moved in to give her a kiss, just a friendly kiss that started on her cheek and then moved to her mouth, and she felt the graze of his lips, felt her own tremble to his mouth, but then he removed it.
‘‘Night.’ He smiled and his arms let her go.
Except she wanted some more of his mouth.
‘Jack …’ she called as he headed to the door. ‘You said things would never be awkward between us.’
‘They won’t be,’ he assured her.
‘You don’t have to go,’ Nina said. ‘I mean, if you want …’
‘Tell me what you want, Nina.’
Her cheeks burnt as she said it, as she told him exactly what she would like to happen. ‘I’d like you to stay.’
‘Or we could just have a kiss and see where that leads?’
And her cheeks burnt some more. She felt the wrap of his arms around her and then his lovely mouth and she kissed him in a way she never had. His tongue slid around hers and his mouth tasted divine, so she kept right on kissing until it wasn’t enough, till she wanted him to kiss her harder, but still he just kissed her slowly and when her hands left his hair and tried to work down his body, Jack halted them, held them down by her sides and just kept kissing her till she though she might die from the pleasure. She gave in then, till the pleasure was too much and not enough at the same time, and Nina pressed her body into him, except Jack pushed her hips back and then stopped.
‘What do you want, Nina?’
‘I want you to stay.’
‘In that case,’ Jack said, ‘I’d love to.’
And he entered the hallowed turf of her bedroom and kissed her again, just as blissfully as he had out in the hall, except she wanted more.
‘Jack …’ His hands were back holding hers down. ‘Please.’
‘What do you want, Nina?’
‘For you to undress me.’
‘I’d love to.’
And he was way too slow, just so painfully slow because she wanted to be on the bed with him, but instead he was slowly unzipping her dress and then taking off her underwear, very, very slowly, with no kisses in between. His touch was tender, just not enough, and when he knelt down and carefully took off her shoes, she could have wept at the slight graze of his hair on her thighs when she wanted his mouth.
‘Please, Jack …’ She went to the buttons of his shirt, but his hands stopped her. ‘Please.’
So he undressed himself while still kissing her and frantically she helped him, closing her eyes to the bliss of their naked skin pressed together and she simply could not stay standing and she knew what he was doing and just gave in to it now.
‘I want you to take me to bed.’
‘I’d love to.’
And Jack was old enough to dress himself, and she watched and held onto his shoulders as he protected them then kissed her, moving her onto the bed. She wanted to hold him, to touch him, yet still he restrained
