well enough why he has done this to me. He wishes to punish me for being an unsatisfactory wife to him by forcing me to go to the ends of the earth to save his child.” Alex caught the tiniest waver to her voice. “He seeks to exploit what he knew was my desperate desire for a baby of my own by telling me that I can have Nina, but only if I go to fetch her myself, a journey he knows will terrify and endanger me.” Her voice faded and she turned her face away for a moment so that Alex could not read her expression. When she resumed, her voice was calm again.
“I cannot imagine what possessed David to embroil you in his revenge upon me, though. Perhaps he knew we would inevitably dislike one another, and so being obliged to share the upbringing of a child would keep us at each other’s throats and make my life as difficult as possible.” She looked at him. “I am sorry he involved you in this, Lord Grant.”
She got to her feet, and Max the dog made a grumbling sound, struggled upright and shook himself, making the dust dance in the sunlight.
“If that is all, Mr. Churchward,” Joanna said, turning courteously to the lawyer, “then you must excuse me. I have urgent arrangements to make for my journey.”
Alex stood up, too. He was incredulous that Joanna could even consider leaving when so much was unresolved. “Wait a moment!” he said. He put out a hand to halt her. “You cannot simply walk away from this. We have to talk.”
Joanna shot him a glance. “I do not wish to talk to you at the moment, Lord Grant,” she said. “We will only quarrel further. I agree that we need to discuss arrangements, but I suggest that you make an appointment to see me.”
“You make it sound as though we are organizing a rout,” Alex snapped, “rather than ensuring the welfare of a defenseless child.”
Joanna ignored him. She gave the lawyer her hand. “Please accept my apologies, Mr. Churchward, on behalf of my late husband for placing you in such difficult circumstances,” she said. “I am always grateful for the service you have provided my family and I am so very sorry you have been drawn into this situation.”
“Madam—” Churchward sounded shaken “—you know that if there is any way in which I may serve you …”
“Of course.” Joanna took a deep breath and Alex realized suddenly what it was costing her to maintain her innate dignity. “Be assured that I shall be in touch, Mr. Churchward, and thank you.”
“Wait,” Alex said again. He put out a hand to her as she started to walk toward the door. “I will escort you to your carriage, Lady Joanna.”
Her blue gaze flickered up to meet his again. “I do not require your escort.”
“I insist.”
“Pray, do not.” She turned on him fiercely and he saw how close she was to the edge now, how tightly stretched her control. “I know that you only wish to accompany me in order to speak with me,” she said, “but I cannot talk about this now. Please excuse me.”
The door closed behind her and for a moment there was a silence in the office. Alex realized that Churchward was watching him with an unreadable expression.
“Was there something else, Mr. Churchward?” Alex asked politely.
“No, my lord.” Churchward shut his mouth like a trap.
“It seems,” Alex said, “that you have a deal of sympathy for Lady Joanna.”
The lawyer’s eyes narrowed with disdain. He took off his spectacles and polished them violently on the edge of his coat. “I am impartial in my dealings with all my clients, Lord Grant,” the lawyer said. “Lady Joanna has always treated me with the utmost courtesy and consideration and in return she has my absolute loyalty.”
“Very commendable,” Alex murmured. “And David Ware? Did he have your loyalty, too?”
There was an infinitesimal silence before Churchward answered.
“I served Commodore Ware well,” he said.
“A lawyer’s answer,” Alex said. “You did not like Ware?”
Churchward inclined his head. “It is generally accepted that Commodore Ware was a hero.”
“That,” Alex said, “was not what I asked.”
There was another silence. The door to the outer office was ajar; Alex could hear the sound of voices and the scrape of quills as the clerks worked, but in Mr. Churchward’s inner sanctum there was a tense quiet.
“Perhaps,” Churchward said, “you should be asking yourself why my answer matters to you, Lord Grant. Why do you question?” He looked up and met Alex’s eyes very directly with a challenge in his own. “You were Commodore Ware’s greatest friend,” he said. “Surely your loyalty to him is unshakable. Good day, Lord Grant.”
And he held open the door for Alex, leaving his question hanging in the air.
Chapter 4
JOANNA HAD PUT Max in the carriage, where he jumped up on the seat and went to sleep. She asked the coachman to wait for her and walked briskly along the crowded pavements to Lincoln’s Inn Fields. She needed to be in the open air, needed space and time to think. She barely saw the crowds that passed her other than as a flash of color and a blur of faces. The babble of voices, the shouts of street vendors and the calls of coachmen and grooms broke over her like a wall of noise; the sun seemed too bright and hurt her eyes, the smells of unwashed bodies pressing close, of dung, of cut grass and flowers, sweet and sour, seemed to assault her. She walked almost blindly until she found a bench in the shade of an elm tree, and she sat down on it feeling suddenly old and tired.
It did not grieve her that David had been unfaithful to her. The thought left her hollow and unemotional. It had happened so many times before that she had no trust in him remaining to be betrayed. She had known from early on in their marriage that he simply could not keep his breeches buttoned. And yet it had never occurred to her that he might have fathered a child on another woman. When she had first heard Churchward mention David’s daughter, she had felt shock and disbelief, a blind denial. Her whole world had seemed to shift and turn dark, blurring at the edges. She felt stupid and sick and naive to have assumed that just because she and David had no children, another woman had not borne him a son or daughter. In that moment all the desires and dreams of motherhood that she had secretly cherished and had fiercely repressed burst out. She was almost engulfed in anger and bitterness, and in a regret so poignant that it stole her breath.
“You are a barren, frigid bitch …”
She could still remember every last word of that last horrible quarrel she had had with David that had culminated in him leaving her lying unconscious and bleeding on the floor. He had been incandescent with fury that after five years of marriage she had failed to burnish his glory by providing him with a son and heir, a whole tribe of little explorers to follow in his footsteps around the globe. How he would have loved that.
David had been absent for the majority of their married life, which, as far as Joanna could see, was a big disadvantage in the production of progeny. He had seemed to believe, however, that he should merely have to look at her and she should be pregnant with triplets. When it had not happened, his pleasure in his young wife had turned to impatience and then to outright hostility and anger. Joanna had suffered his fury in
