this week, if I wanted this director to take me seriously for a big role. No flings. And I tried, I really did. I knew you weren’t like the other women I see. You didn’t know the rules yet. You saw...more of me. Deeper. And when I kissed you this afternoon...’
When he didn’t continue, Eloise said, ‘What? What happened then?’
Noah hauled her up his body so she was staring into his eyes, every inch of her pressed up against him.
‘When I kissed you, I knew none of it mattered. I couldn’t help myself. I knew I had to be with you.’
HE’D GONE TOO FAR. Noah knew that the moment the words left his mouth. And if he hadn’t known the shock in Eloise’s eyes would have told him.
‘For tonight, I mean,’ he said, backtracking fast. ‘I couldn’t leave Morwen Hall without one night with you.’
‘And now you’ve had it.’ Eloise pulled away, and he resisted the urge to tug her close again. He wasn’t staying—this wasn’t love, wasn’t for ever. They both knew that, whatever the crazy attraction between them would have them believe.
‘So, what’s next for you?’ Eloise asked, putting a few inches of blanket between them as she propped her head up on one hand to look at him. ‘After you leave Morwen Hall, I mean.’
What was next? He had no idea. He couldn’t think beyond this bed, beyond this moment. Beyond her.
‘What’s this film where the director needs you to be celibate?’ she went on, and Noah breathed a sigh of relief. That was safe. They could talk about the film, about his career. That had to be less perilous than the spiral of feelings sleeping with Eloise had opened up inside him. Or the connection her confessions about her parents had started to foster between them. ‘More beating people up and saving the world?’
He huffed out a laugh. ‘No, actually. It’s more of a relationships movie. About a guy trying to move on after his wife’s death. It starts eight days after she dies, and follows him through to eight years later.’
‘Sounds deep and meaningful,’ Eloise said. ‘Both things I thought you tried to avoid.’
‘In my personal life? Sure. Professionally...it could be a good move.’ Except that wasn’t why he was doing it; Noah could admit that to himself, even if he couldn’t admit it to her. He needed something more in his life. More than the superficial and the meaningless.
He just wanted to do it on his own terms. That way, at least, he could protect himself from the dangers of feeling too much.
The problem was, when he was with Eloise he could feel himself wanting more. Suddenly everything he’d always relied on—a fleeting connection, the ability to walk away unchanged—wasn’t enough. And the other way lay madness—he knew that from experience.
‘You really want this part, don’t you?’ Eloise asked, and when he turned to her she was watching him too closely.
‘How did you know that?’ he asked, staring back. He hadn’t said how much it mattered to him, hadn’t even hinted at anything beyond a professional reason for wanting the role. But Eloise had known all the same.
‘I pay attention,’ she said. ‘So, what is it about this film? Why do you want this part so much?’
‘The script is...astonishing. It’s the kind of film that wins awards.’ But that wasn’t all and Eloise seemed to realise that. She stayed silent, waiting for him to say more. ‘It spoke to me, I guess. I just knew I had to make this film.’
‘The same way you knew you had to have me?’ Eloise shook her head, red hair tumbling over her bare shoulders. He remembered pulling the pins out of it one by one and watching it fall loose. The sight of her undone had taken his breath away. It still did. ‘This is quite your week for strange, compelling feelings.’
‘It is. I blame you.’
She laughed. ‘Why? For acting out Shakespeare with you and putting you in touch with your inner Romeo?’
‘Because ever since I saw you I’ve wanted something more than I have.’ He inched closer, resting one hand on her waist. ‘You know, I spoke to my agent about this part and she told me that if I wanted it I’d need to start looking deeper, start accessing the feelings I’ve locked away for years.’
‘As well as swearing off sex?’ Eloise shook her head. ‘She’s tough. But...maybe she’s right.’
‘Maybe she is. But that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t know how. It’s been years. But when I met you... I knew you were the sort of person who felt deeply. Who saw deeper, who found meaning.’
‘So you thought I could help you get the part?’ She frowned. ‘I’m really not sure how that would work.’
‘That’s not it,’ Noah said, at a loss for how to explain it. ‘I tried staying away from you, but every time I saw you it seemed more impossible. I tried keeping my distance anyway, tried keeping it just physical. But the moment we kissed...there was more of me in that kiss than in the last ten movies I made.’
‘I felt it,’ Eloise murmured. ‘So why not finish what you started? Look deeper. Feel more. Be the guy you need to be to get that part. I’ll listen.’
‘I showed you mine; you show me yours?’
‘Basically. Isn’t that part of what looking deeper means? Dealing with your past? You’ve heard all my childhood traumas. What are yours? It has to be more than disapproving parents, right?’
Noah’s jaw tightened as the memories flooded over him, so intense even after all these years that he worried he might be swept away by them. It felt wrong even thinking about Sally now, here, in bed with Eloise. But he had to admit she was the first woman he’d slept with that he’d ever considered talking to about what had happened.
Could he do it? Should he?
He’d be leaving in a few days. Whatever this connection was between him and Eloise, it would be over the moment he left Morwen Hall. He didn’t worry about Eloise spilling all to the Internet, or trying to make money by selling her story. He might have only known her a couple of days but he knew she wasn’t that person. Especially now she’d told him about her mother.
Eloise was safe. And if he wanted the part, maybe this was what it would take.
‘There was a woman,’ he started, then stalled.
‘Isn’t there always?’ Eloise asked sadly. She moved out of his arms and, for a moment, he thought she was going to get out of the cosy, safe cocoon they’d made in her bed. Then she settled against the headboard, still naked, and tugged his arm until he curled up against her side. She settled her arms around him and waited for him to continue.
Noah kissed the top of her breast and rested his head on her shoulder. When was the last time he’d been so close to a person, when they weren’t actively having sex? Had he ever been? If he had, he couldn’t remember it. Not even with Sally...
He was supposed
