don’t understand why you’re shutting me out.”
“I don’t either. All I know is that I have to keep remembering, reading the letters to experience that deep well of commitment and love I had then. I have to let go of the dream with dignity and not blame it on a precious, innocent baby.” She blinked back a tear. “We’ll be in our sixties when this child graduates from high school. Can you handle that? I’m not sure I can.”
“Claire…”
“I’m just being honest, and I hate myself for the selfish things I’m thinking. At this moment I hate everything.”
He swallowed visibly. “Do you hate me?”
She looked at him. “I’ve loved you forever. I love your smile, your kind heart, your compassion and caring, even the gray in your hair. I love everything about you, but I’m not feeling any of that love right now.”
“You will. The Claire I love can deal with anything.”
“Maybe this is the one thing she can’t.”
“I’ll never believe that.”
“Dean.” She sighed. “Go home and let me sort through this.”
“We’ve never been apart.”
“Yes, we have. It just never felt like it.”
He blew out a hard breath. “I don’t guess I have a choice.”
“No.”
He pointed to the letters. “Read every one of those and you’ll feel our love again. We can overcome anything, even having a child at our age.” He leaned over and kissed her lips. She breathed in his scent and forced herself not to respond.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I’ll call tomorrow.”
“No, don’t. I’ll phone when I’m ready to talk.”
His eyes darkened, but he didn’t say anything.
“Dean,” she called as he turned away. He quickly glanced at her. “Please cancel our plans for tomorrow.”
“Oh.”
“Tell Nita and Joan I’ll call them later.” She was passing the buck, but she couldn’t handle a conversation with anyone.
He nodded. “I’ll take care of it.” Slowly, he walked out of the lake house.
She wanted to call him back, but that wouldn’t solve anything. As the door closed, she knew their lives were changing, and she didn’t feel it was for the better.
They loved each other. There was no doubt in her mind about that. To save her marriage she had to feel that forever kind of love she’d felt at eighteen.
How did she do that when she felt empty, afraid and lost within herself? There was only one thing she knew to do.
She picked up a letter.
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