draperies were in earth tones, and the hardwood floor was light pine. The windows were double-paned to prevent outside noises from intruding.
Desiree sat in a chair with her legs crossed opposite Madison, who sat on the couch with her legs tucked underneath her. She had medium brown skin and big light brown eyes. Her shoulder-length hair was in braids, and she invariably wore a scarf over it, which made Desiree wonder why she covered her head. Was she hiding something? Sometimes girls who had issues such as Madison’s inflicted pain on themselves by pulling their hair out at the roots, cutting themselves, anything that made them forget their mental pain for a moment.
“I feel good!” Madison cried, eyes looking anywhere but directly at Desiree. Desiree recognized this as avoidance. Madison wasn’t here willingly. Her parents had insisted she come to these sessions, and she probably didn’t think they were doing any good. When Desiree had first seen Madison, who was five-five, she had weighed only eighty pounds. Today she weighed a hundred and five pounds, and her skin, hair, teeth, everything about her physical body looked much healthier. But Desiree was still concerned that so far what they’d been able to accomplish was only a Band-Aid on the surface of what was a much deeper cut to Madison’s psyche.
They still hadn’t gotten to the root of the problem. Why Madison had started starving herself. Madison would only say some girls at school had told her she looked fat, and she’d wanted to fit in, so she had started eating less. Soon eating less had turned into eating practically nothing in a twenty-four-hour period. She’d been rushed to the hospital with heart failure before her parents realized how far gone she was.
Desiree suspected Madison harbored resentment for her parents because they hadn’t noticed her going downhill sooner. However, Madison had never said a word against her parents. Her comments, in fact, were always positive, as if giving upbeat responses would get her out of therapy that much quicker.
Until now, Desiree hadn’t wanted to put any pressure on Madison, believing that the girl would respond to simply having someone to listen to her grievances. However, Madison was pretending she didn’t have anything to complain about.
Therefore Desiree would have to take a different approach to the girl’s treatment: anger. Some people had to get angry before they could move on to the next level.
“Madison,” Desiree said, looking at the girl’s face, which was impassive. “How do you suppose your parents missed the fact that you were practically skin and bones before they noticed you needed help?”
Madison swung her legs off the couch and sat up, staring at Desiree with her mouth agape and eyes wide. She gasped and closed her mouth. She looked at Desiree with one eyebrow raised higher than the other, as if to say, “Oh, no, you didn’t go there!”
Desiree fought to keep her facial expression neutral because she was delighted that she’d gotten a rise out of the girl. There was actually some spunk left in her!
Madison looked her straight in the eye and said, “Because they were too busy working, chasing the mighty dollar, to see that I was dying.”
“And what were you doing?” Desiree asked. “Wearing baggy clothes to hide your body? Pretending to eat at the dinner table, but really throwing food away? Are you saying you had nothing to do with their complacency, their blindness, where your condition was concerned, Madison?”
“Oh, yeah, sure, I was sneaky about things, but they should have still noticed! I needed them, and they weren’t there. The only thing they were interested in was that my grades were good and I was on schedule for the perfect life they had planned for me. A 4.0 grade point average, my mother’s alma mater, Howard University, becoming a lawyer like both of them, those were the things they cared about. Not the fact that I was being bullied at school, told I was fat and ugly and that no boy would want to be seen with me.”
“Did you try to talk to them about what was going on at school?”
“Yeah,” Madison said with a grimace. “They just said it was a part of growing up and to suck it up. It would give me character.”
“So you turned your rage inward and started punishing yourself,” Desiree said. “You started starving yourself because you felt like no one cared about you?”
Madison’s eyes brightened. She let out a huge sigh and returned to her more relaxed position on the couch with her feet tucked under her. Looking at Desiree with a smile on her face, she said, “After six months, you finally figured me out. I was beginning to lose hope. Not that I didn’t get a big kick out of knowing my parents have to pay a huge fee to you so that I can come here and sulk once a week. But really, Doctor D, I figured you were as full of crap as my parents. But you really know your stuff.”
Desiree smiled at her. “Why do I feel as though you’re just telling me what I want to hear?” She leaned forward, keeping her gaze on Madison’s. “That may be part of it. But I don’t think you’re being entirely truthful with me. Why don’t you take off that scarf you have on? And then we can get down to the real reason you wanted to die, Madison.”
“No,” Madison said adamantly. Her eyes narrowed. Her jaw clenched, and her bottom lip protruded. Desiree thought she looked as if she would rather fight her than take that scarf off.
“Have you replaced one bad habit with another?” Desiree asked. “You have everyone watching you like a hawk, making sure you’re eating right and keeping it down. But maybe when you’re alone in your room, you do something else to punish yourself.”
Madison got to her feet and yelled down into Desiree’s face, “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. And you can’t make me, you nosy bitch!”
Desiree sat in her chair and calmly looked up at Madison. “That’s right, I’m a nosy bitch. For six months you’ve sat on that couch lying to me, and I’m tired of it. If you don’t think you’re worth saving, why should I? If you don’t want to fight for your life, why should I?” Now she stood, her eyes never leaving Madison’s face. “You want to know a secret, Madison? We are born into this world alone, and we die alone. In between life and death, those of us who survive learn one valuable lesson—we’ve got to love ourselves. We can’t count on others to love us, because human beings are selfish. They live in their own worlds. You’ve got to love yourself, Madison. You’ve got to care about yourself if no one else does. And you’ve got to fight to stay alive! Now, you can leave here today, resenting your parents, parents who love you, no matter how much you think they don’t, and thinking of me as that nosy bitch who has wasted your valuable time, or you can choose to live, take care of yourself, be strong and accept the fact that no one can do it for you. I’m not going to waste any more of your parents’ money on sessions with you, Madison. If you want to be rid of me, you are rid of me. Don’t come back here.” She pointed to the door. “Now get out. The big bad world is waiting for you. Either it will eat you up, or you’ll learn to fight back and choose life, your choice!”
Madison was looking at her as though she’d lost her mind. She angrily snatched her shoulder bag off the couch and began walking toward the door. “I’m going to tell my parents how you talked to me, and they’re going to sue your ass.”
“That’s fine. Your mother’s just outside that door in the waiting room,” Desiree said, undaunted. “Goodbye, Madison.”
For a moment, Madison stood frozen, staring at her; then her mouth began trembling, and she started crying. She looked at Desiree helplessly, tears soaking her cheeks. “I’m scared,” she said pitifully. In a defeated gesture, she dropped her shoulder bag back onto the couch and reached up to remove the scarf. Desiree gasped when
