could, but I can’t promise anything. Memories can take days or even weeks to return.’ He swallowed. ‘Maybe longer.’
‘And would they all come back straight away?’
‘It’s different for everyone.’
Sam squeezed her hand. ‘So can I go home?’
Dr Penn shook his head. ‘Not straight away. I know you didn’t suffer any broken bones or organ damage, but you did have a nasty hit to the head and you had a stent fitted to drain fluid. We need to monitor you for a while yet, and if you manage to stay stable, with no spikes of temperature or complications, and physio goes well, then maybe we’ll look at letting you go.’ He smiled. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have another patient to attend to.’
They watched the doctor disappear and Emily turned to Sam, aware that they were still holding hands. It was nice. It had been a long time since he had held her like that and she hated how much she needed his touch to reassure her. She didn’t want to let him go. She never had.
‘How are you feeling, Sam? After all that?’
‘It’s a lot to take in. But I guess I ought to look on the bright side.’
She frowned. ‘Bright side?’
He nodded. ‘Yes. I know who I am. I know who you are. I still have all the knowledge that lets me be an OB/GYN. I can still work—eventually.’ He waited until she looked him fully in the eyes. ‘I know how much I love you.’
She swallowed and smiled, trying to still the beating of her heart. It was running away with joy at his words. For how long had she yearned to hear those simple words from Sam?
But there’s still so much you don’t know!
Could she truly revel in those three simple words? He’d said he loved her, but he still didn’t know the truth of their marriage.
He’d hurt her. She’d felt so rejected, so forgotten as Sam had stayed at work, or gone to fundraising galas without her, or disappeared to play tennis with his lawyer. All those arguments they’d had...all those harsh words they’d said to each other out of spite or desperation. How could she forget all they had gone through?
He had. Completely. Right now he was unaware of it all.
But she...? She remembered it all too well. Every argument was a scar upon her heart.
He was trying to be positive. She could see that. Feel that. Should she burst his bubble now? Tell him about the baby?
He needed to know. Needed to hear the truth so that he could be in full possession of the facts. The facts he needed, anyway.
‘There’s something more, Sam.’
‘Oh?’
‘You’re not going to like it.’
He smiled. ‘Let me be the judge of that.’
His smile twanged her heartstrings. It was so familiar! Held so much of that gorgeous cheeky charm that she’d fallen in love with!
But she knew. Knew Sam didn’t want a baby. He wasn’t ready for one after being married for eighteen months. Why would he feel ready for one when he’d thought they weren’t even married?
‘They...did some tests on me after the accident. Blood tests.’
He nodded, frowning. ‘Go on.’
‘They found something.’
His face filled with concern and she could imagine what he was thinking. Cancer. A mass. A shadow. Some disease...
‘What did they find?’
She searched his face, knowing the response he would give, knowing how his face would crumple at hearing the news, not sure if she could bear the way he would drop all contact with her, let go of the hand that he was clutching so tight. Be angry with her again just as she’d started to enjoy the way he held her hand, the way he’d smiled at her before he started to learn the truth.
She’d missed him. So much!
But he’d made it clear he didn’t want a baby with her, so telling him this was the hardest thing she would ever have to do. It might end them. But she had no choice.
‘They found...’ She paused, swallowing hard, ‘I’m pregnant, Sam. I’m having our baby.’
* * *
He knew he was staring at her, but he couldn’t stop. She was...pregnant?
Images of Serena instantly flooded his brain and he blinked them away. No. He would not think of her. That was all too raw, still. Because even though many years had passed he’d pushed away what had happened and stamped it down low.
Pregnant. Pregnant! Emily. His fiancée. No. That was wrong—Emily was now apparently his wife. For almost two years. And she was having a—
He swallowed hard.
He loved this woman. He loved her so much! He should be pleased. But the way she was looking at him right now... Like she was frightened of his response? Like she was expecting him to start stamping around the room, or throwing things, or—
Sam knew what he ought to do. He should smile, say that it was great news, pretend that he was thrilled, but...
I’m going to be a father. I’m going to be...a father!
Surely she knew how he felt about this? What had happened to Serena had almost destroyed him. How had they been so careless?
Tentacles of fear wrapped themselves around him and tried to suck him down into that deep, dark well of pain he’d kept hidden for so long. Having that kind of responsibility, having to be the one to take care of a young baby every day, was just so...
His heart thudded in his chest so loudly he thought he could hear it in his ears. His skin grew hot, clammy, and he could feel the beginning of the shakes. My body...it’s surging with adrenaline... The last time he’d felt this way had been after they’d found Serena...
Sam blinked slowly. Emily was still waiting for his reaction, and though the idea of becoming a father terrified him he loved her so much he just knew he couldn’t let her see it. Couldn’t let her see his inadequacies. Couldn’t let her see his Achilles’ heel. She would think him an absolute monster if he started on her about this, and both of them had been through too much just lately. His true reaction would have to wait. Maybe when he was out of hospital they could talk sensibly about this.
So he managed to let out a breath and grasped her fingers tightly. ‘You’re pregnant? Emily...that’s so...’ he forced the word, trying to make it sound authentic ‘...amazing!’
And he pulled her into his arms and clasped her tightly, breathing in the delicious scent of her honey hair and closing his eyes with such intense pain in his heart, hoping that she could not sense his betrayal.
He felt her relax and sink into him, gasping with relief.
*
