and he had no reason to believe she’d changed. Of course, there was no reason to believe she hadn’t changed either. Consequently, he was fresh out of benefits-of-the-doubt where Leanne, or women in general, were concerned. She’d hurt him once too many times to yield even an inch for her. So had his ex-wife.
While the hurt was still fresh with Nancy, and Matthew was a constant reminder of that, going on to twenty years was a long time to hold on to all that hurt from Leanne. So, maybe it was just the whole relationship thing in general that he didn’t want anywhere near him. At least, that was the thought he held on to when he did the polite thing and went to get her a glass of iced tea. Extra lemon, one artificial sweetener—something he shouldn’t remember from the old days, yet did. But why? Caleb blew out a heavily frustrated breath as he carried her tea back to their table; impatient with himself for hanging on to such a trite little detail among a barrage of so many other larger, more impactful ones.
“Thanks for the tea,” she said after taking her first sip. “I’m surprised you remembered how I take it.”
“It came back to me,” he lied. There were many things about Leanne he’d never forgotten. The way she tilted her head slightly to the right when she laughed. Or entered a room with such purpose she drew everybody’s attention without even trying. Even the virulent expression that came over her when she was getting ready to put him down in front of his friends. Make fun of him. Lead him on, only to humiliate him.
“I know we weren’t great friends back when we were teenagers,” she said, “but it’s nice seeing you again. I’ve lost touch with pretty much everybody else. So, what have you been doing with yourself all these years...besides being a doctor and a dad? I heard you were in the military?”
Well, he did have to hand it to her. She was trying hard to be friendly. But it was difficult buying into something he didn’t trust. Difficult buying into that friendliness. “Went into the Army after jail. They put me through med school, then I went to a base hospital in Germany, as a surgeon. By the time I was thirty-one, I’d met Nancy, was well on my way to being a dad, and before my first anniversary in Germany, I was newly married and newly deployed to Afghanistan.
“My first deployment was short because they let me go back to Germany for Matthew’s birth. Then sent me back into combat when he was three months old. I was pretty successful in battlefield surgery there for nine months, then got wounded, then sent back to Germany to rehab and got divorced since she’d decided she didn’t like being tied down. When the military sent me stateside, I rehabbed a little more in Boston and concluded I’d never be a surgeon again, not that I’d had much time to be one before. So, off to California to rehab for a few more months, then took a job there, hated it. Went to Houston, hated it. Philadelphia...the same.
“Finally, by the time Matthew was three and I was beginning to realize he needed stability, I landed a good job in Vegas, and settled down. But it was a horrible life for Matthew, who was getting old enough that his surroundings were making a difference. He didn’t get to go out and play. His musical talent was beginning to appear but there was no one to guide it. No friends. Plus, his intellect set him apart from just about everything and everyone, and he was becoming a very unhappy, sullen little guy.
“So... Marrell. Primarily because Hans Schilling was here, and I want Matthew in his program.”
“Then you didn’t come back only because you wanted to come home?”
“I’ve been reading about Schilling for two years. Wasn’t thrilled that he’d ended up in Marrell, since I didn’t want to end up here. But it is what it is. You have a kid, you turn your life inside out for him.” It all sounded so cut-and-dried, even though it was anything but. And it tumbled out in far more abundance than he would have liked, and much too easily to be comfortable with.
“Sounds like quite a...journey. For both of you.”
It was. A very rocky one because he was scared every step of it. Scared for Matthew, who needed more stability than he thought he could give. Scared for himself because every moment of every day he wondered if he was good enough to parent Matthew. “It is, but I’m hoping Marrell’s our last stop. So, how about you? What have you been doing with yourself all these years?” He asked, not because he cared so much, but because he wanted to focus his thoughts elsewhere. Get rid of the ones that plagued him day in, day out.
“Pretty much med school, then medical practice. A couple of promotions. One I backed out of because it didn’t suit me. Haven’t had time for anything else.”
“Then you’re not married?” He wasn’t sure why he’d asked because he didn’t care.
She laughed. “Not yet, but...” She smiled, shrugged, then took a sip of tea. “I always knew you were going to be a doctor. Knew I was, too. But both of us here, back in Marrell...”
“I’m here because most everything I do now is for Matthew. No other reason.” He wanted to be clear about that. Wanted her to know he made time for little else. Because, if she was looking for a friendship, or anything else from him...
“It was difficult on Dad, raising me alone, so I’m sure it’s just as difficult for you. I’d like to meet him sometime, if we can arrange it.”
She sounded sincere, and the gentleness in her eyes wasn’t the same look he’d gotten used to seeing there all those years ago. “He’s not settling in too well yet. My parents have him while I’m at work, and I have him the rest of the time, and he’s just not finding his niche here.”
“But if he gets on with Hans Schilling, I’m sure that will help him find his place. It’s got to be difficult for him, all these changes he’s gone through at such a young age. When I was his age, I don’t think I’d ever been any farther away than Saka’am, or Westslope.”
“He’s been cool with the travel part. He’s a lot like I was, though. Too smart to fit in. Always trying to wrap himself in his own little world.”
“When you were a kid, I remember you used to like to hang out at the hospital and read Dad’s medical texts for fun. You’d sit in his study for hours, reading, all wrapped up in a cocoon you’d built around yourself to shut people out.”
“Matthew does that with his practicing.”
“What does he do for fun?” she asked.
“He considers what he’s doing fun. Like I said, Matthew is...serious. Too smart for his own good, too talented for his age, and the things that are fun for him are all tied up in that. Probably too much, which is why I’m hoping Schilling will accept him, because I think training tailored specifically for Matthew’s talents will help him see there’s more to life than his studies and his music.”
“He needs to have the kind of fun we did back then,” she said, sounding as if she was trying to convince herself. “Remember how I always looked forward to seeing you?”
Seriously, that’s what she remembered? That, and not the rest of it? How convenient, not dwelling on the way she’d treated him. But why? Because she wanted something from him again? The way she always had in the past? Ask for something, lead him on with expectations, then smash him to bits? “Yeah, good times,” he said, trying not to sound too bitter even though, to his own ears, his words came out, as they said, as bitter as gall. “That was a long time ago, Leanne. I try not to dredge up old memories.”
“Me neither, to be honest. All I wanted was to get out of Marrell. I think everything I did from the age of thirteen or fourteen was centered on that.”
