know the real reason. The one that had you calling us after you found out Kirtida might not be protected as well as Mattan and Aidara were if Leyna and Xavier married.’
Again, silence followed her words. This time she couldn’t help the muscles that tightened in her shoulders.
‘There’s still no guarantee, you know,’ she reminded him. ‘There won’t be until you sign the papers affirming Kirtida’s place in the alliance.’
‘And you know my conditions for doing that. After the negotiations to protect our kingdoms. After our marriage.’ He tilted his head. ‘Are you hoping I’d tell you I’d sign before either are in place?’
‘Of course not.’ But there had been a part of her that had hoped for exactly that.
‘So you’re not looking for a loophole? You haven’t realised that you’ve made a mistake after this conversation with me?’ He leaned forward, making her briefly notice the food they’d otherwise forgotten. ‘You don’t want to return to the safety of Mattan?’
‘I’m safe here,’ she said, her eyes darting towards the door where her Mattanian guards—who would continue protecting her as Queen of Kirtida—stood.
‘That wasn’t what I meant.’
‘I know.’ She fell silent. ‘I think this will work best if you just say what you mean, Zacchaeus, and don’t expect me to guess.’
He nodded and met her gaze. ‘I’m not going to change my mind, Nalini. You’re going to marry me.’
She didn’t look away. Though the trembling that had gone through her heart at his words made her want to, she didn’t. This was her life now. And this life had been her choice.
She thought of the teenage girl who had once been so filled with hope. Who’d thought that taking a chance on a boy would finally bring her the freedom she’d craved. She thought about the girl who’d had that hope dashed so quickly—so heartbreakingly—that she hadn’t wanted to make another decision for herself since.
Until now.
Nalini reminded herself of that. She wasn’t the girl who hoped for love or sought freedom any more. Who rebelled and made stupid mistakes. But that was still how her family saw her. The mistake she’d made when she was a teen had completely changed their view of her. More importantly, it had changed her view of herself.
When she’d told Xavier she would marry Zacchaeus, she’d seen it as a chance to make up for that mistake. To prove to herself and to her family that she was more.
Considering their reactions to her decision, she knew she hadn’t succeeded in making them believe that yet. But if she stayed—if she went through with this marriage—she would be saving her kingdom. Her family would have no choice but to see her as responsible.
And she could finally, finally stop trying to convince them that she was.
‘In that case, I suppose this time is even more important for us, isn’t it?’
‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN?’ Zacchaeus asked his fiancée, watching her closely. ‘I thought this was already important.’
‘That’s why I said even more important,’ she answered brightly. ‘Since we’re going to be married, we should use this time to build a foundation for this marriage. Preferably one of mutual respect.’
He didn’t answer. It was the second time she’d said something about the two of them spending time together. Getting to know one another. But, just as he had the first time, he brushed it off. There would be none of that.
Even if he was fascinated by her.
She’d covered it up quickly, but Zacchaeus knew that there was something more to what she’d just said. Something that proved his suspicions that she wasn’t just marrying him to protect her kingdom. Which would make complete sense. She was sacrificing her entire future for Mattan. Would she really do that without having some other motive?
And yet, since that was exactly what he was doing, why couldn’t she?
‘Do you agree?’ she asked, her eyes steady on his.
He got caught in them for a moment, and almost found himself telling her that he did. But he stopped himself. Forced himself to focus. Reminded himself that just because those blue-grey eyes, those full pink lips, those dark curls with its light streaks, painted a picture he couldn’t bring himself to stop looking at—had never been able to—didn’t mean he should forget why she was there.
He’d already told her too much. Like the fact that his parents—or rather his father—still lived on royal property. He’d panicked when she’d asked about seeing them, though he was sure he’d answered her without letting her know how much her question had alarmed him.
Because when she’d asked he’d pictured her seeing his father and realising the former King of Kirtida was ill. He’d pictured her asking about his mother and finding out that the Queen had left over two months ago. That somehow she’d learn about how the coup had been staged because of his father’s ill health and that the threat against his kingdom was his mother’s fault.
No, he couldn’t afford to be distracted by how beautiful she was or by the bright light she carried within her. So he would remind them both of why she was there—and it wasn’t to get to know one another.
‘I agree that our marriage is important.’ He paused so that his next words would have the impact he needed for her to understand. ‘For the sake of our kingdoms.’
‘But not for our relationship?’
‘We don’t have to have a relationship to be married.’
His parents had proved that to him, hadn’t they?
But the silence that followed his words told him that she wasn’t happy with his answer. And the longer he waited for one from her, the more the tension grew between them. He remembered for the first time then that they were supposed to be eating. But he couldn’t even distract himself by doing that since he knew that their food had gone cold.
‘What will the next few weeks look like for us then?’ she asked eventually, breaking the silence.
‘Well, you’re here under the pretence of planning our wedding, so you should probably do that.’
‘Alone?’
‘Yes.’
‘And what will you be doing?’
‘Negotiating the Protection clause with your brother and future sister-in-law.’
There was a pause. And then she asked, ‘So you expect me to spend all my time planning a wedding?’
‘I’ve already given you my word that I’ll sign the documents when the time comes, Nalini. The other reason you’re here isn’t really necessary.’
‘And I’m just
