there’s more on the line for me. This is my entire kingdom.’ And what was left of his family, he thought, his throat tightening. ‘I can’t just take your word on it.’
She stared at him. ‘Do you hear yourself? Do you hear the hypocrisy in what you’re saying?’
He shrugged as though her words didn’t affect him. ‘You agreed to the terms of this situation, Nalini. We haven’t discussed the one you’re proposing now, and I haven’t agreed to it.’
Her eyes flashed, making them more grey than blue, and he felt a dangerous—and unwanted—tug of attraction. ‘So not only do you expect me to accept that you’ll do as you say, but you also won’t even give me a chance to figure out whether I can trust that you will?’
‘What would change if you realised you couldn’t trust me? Would you return to Mattan?’
Something flickered in her eyes. ‘It would change things.’
‘Would it? So you’d tell Xavier and Leyna that you can’t go through with the wedding and put the entire alliance at risk?’
‘It’s interesting how you’ve turned this around. How you’ve made risking the alliance sound like it isn’t something you’ve been doing from the moment you refused to see Xavier and Leyna after you became King.’ She leaned forward. ‘Like you aren’t holding us hostage now and still doing it.’
She was right. But he couldn’t afford to think of it that way. If he did, he’d have to pay heed to the emotions circling inside him like sharks around prey. He couldn’t allow them to attack. Not when the threat of them had been propelling him forward, helping him to focus on what Kirtida needed.
He’d been telling the truth when he’d told her he had more on the line than she did. He’d somehow managed to convince Xavier and Leyna that they needed him just as much as he needed them. But that wasn’t true. Zacchaeus needed them more.
If Macoa acted on the threat of economic sanctions, it would cripple Kirtida’s economy. Worse still, his people would no longer have the wheat so many depended on for their livelihood. Without Mattan and Aidara adding weight to any retaliation, Kirtida would be forced to give in to Macoa’s demands.
And giving in would kill his father.
It wasn’t an option.
‘It might not change what I’d do,’ she continued now, her voice no longer heated with the passion she’d just spoken with. ‘But it would make me feel better about marrying you. So, I’ll ask one more time. Will you spend time with me?’
‘I’m a king. I don’t have time—’
‘Make time,’ she insisted. ‘Make time to get to know the woman who’s going to be beside you while you rule your kingdom.’
He so badly wanted to say yes. Not only because something about her made him want to give her exactly what she asked for, but also because saying yes would mean that he wouldn’t have the much harder task of avoiding her. Of pretending that he didn’t have secrets to keep from her. Like his father’s illness, his mother’s fleeing—and the mess his mother’s actions had left for him to clean up.
But he couldn’t say yes. Not when spending time with her would put all those secrets at risk. He ignored the reasons he felt that way—ignored the beseeching expression on Nalini’s face that had just as much of an effect on his chest as her beauty did. No, he thought. He couldn’t spend time with her.
‘I’m sorry, Nalini. I can’t agree to that.’
* * *
‘You can’t agree to spend time with me?’
Nalini’s heart thumped in her chest as she said the words, a sick feeling settling in her stomach. She’d thought that when Zacchaeus had told her he knew she was on Kirtida to get to know him as well as to plan the wedding, it had meant that he’d been willing to play along.
Asking him to spend time with her had felt too much like begging, and now his refusal of her... It felt intensely personal. As if he could make time but wouldn’t because he didn’t want to spend it with her.
‘And you really think I’m going to spend all my time planning a wedding?’
‘I’ll have my secretary draw up a list of things you can do on Kirtida. You’ll be so busy you won’t even notice that you’re alone.’
She gave a short bark of laughter. ‘Has that ever worked for you?’
His eyes narrowed. ‘I’m not sure what you mean.’
‘You’re alone here, aren’t you? Your parents don’t live in the castle and whatever relationship you had with them must have been spoilt the moment you became King. I can’t imagine you have any friends, and you’re holding your allies hostage. So tell me, Zacchaeus, whether you’ve ever been so busy that you haven’t noticed you’re alone?’
The expression on his face twisted with an emotion she couldn’t identify, and then went blank so quickly she doubted her eyes. But when he spoke the coldness in his voice told her she hadn’t imagined it.
‘If I agree to spend time with you, Nalini... What happens then?’ His brows lifted. ‘You’ve already told me you’ll marry me, and you’re implying that you trust me to act as we agreed by doing that. So what happens if you get to know me and it doesn’t make you feel better?’
‘It...it would—’
‘It might not,’ he interrupted mildly. ‘You already have all the proof you need to show you that I’m not a good man. I’ve overthrown my father to become King, so you know I’m power-hungry. My parents don’t live in the castle any more, so you know I’m cruel.’ He pushed away his plate and leaned his forearms on the table, angling himself so that she had no choice but to look into the arresting lines of his face. ‘I demanded that you marry me without even asking you how you felt about it, so you know I only care about what I want. Do you really want to get to know a man like that?’
‘You want me to see that man,’ she said, fighting to keep the panic she felt from her voice. ‘For some reason, you think it’s easier.’
‘No, Nalini. You’re the one who thinks this situation is easier than it is.’ He sat back now. ‘You’re hoping that I’m not that man, and that’s why you want to get to know me. But I’m sorry, I don’t have time to quell your fears. You told me you made this choice. And the thing about making choices is that you have to deal with their consequences.’
She suddenly wanted to scream at him, to tell him that she knew everything about choices and their consequences. She could still feel the girls pulling at her jewellery and clothes that night on the beach. She could still hear the boys laughing at her panic. Worst of all, she could still see Josh’s face as he laughed with them, the person who’d told her he’d keep her safe gone, leaving only the sick realisation that he’d never existed.
And then there was the way her family had reacted after...
The fact that she was on Kirtida, having this conversation with him, was her dealing with the consequences of her actions.
But, of course, she could voice
