mornings by the tree, church together every Sunday. Family dinners, Saturday morning breakfasts.
She shook the thoughts away. That had been her dream once. But Alex had killed that dream.
He turned to face her, a cardboard cup of coffee in one hand. His hair was damp and he was clean-shaven. Despite wearing yesterday’s clothes, he managed to look put-together.
“The office carries a few essentials,” he said. “There’re powdered doughnuts on the table and a cup of coffee for you. I got Roscoe a couple packages of hot dogs. I know it’s not ideal but it’ll get us by for the morning. I got myself a razor, toothbrush, toothpaste. If you need anything, let me know and I’ll go get it.”
She nodded. “Thanks.”
“I’ll take him out so you can have a few minutes to yourself.”
When he was gone she carefully rummaged around in her backpack. A toiletry bag held enough to get her by for a few more days. She had several outfits in there, more than one would have thought. Each rolled into a tight, efficient bundle. Each plain and perfunctory.
In a side, zippered pocket was her second bottle of pepper spray. Like the one she’d used at the cabin, it belonged on the end of a key chain. Instead she’d put it on the end of a cord so she could wear it around her neck. She didn’t need it now but was grateful she had thought to buy more than one.
She grabbed what she needed and headed to the bathroom. By the time she got out of the shower, Roscoe was tended to, her coffee was cool and Alex looked apprehensive. An unusual look for him.
He patted the seat next to him at the table.
She dropped down into it, happily taking a doughnut. It was dried out, but she was ravenous. Even the lukewarm coffee was a treat. She was halfway through her coffee before she realized her wallet was open on the table. The plastic sleeve that held pictures was conspicuously absent.
Her last bite of doughnut tasted like chalk. She gulped some coffee to choke it down.
“I shouldn’t have dug through your things,” he admitted. “But I couldn’t wait any longer. I assumed you had a picture of her.” He held up the photos. “She’s the prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen.”
Claire met his eyes. His expression was guarded. Yet it was so like Alex to bluntly jump right into the conversation without preamble.
She appreciated his directness and intended to reciprocate.
“I need you to understand that I never wanted to keep Mia from you.” Claire paused, taking a moment to organize her thoughts. “It took me a while to realize I was pregnant. I wasn’t feeling well. I was sick for months. I attributed it to stress.” She’d attributed it to a shattered heart. She saw no point in laying that accusation on him. “By the time I knew I was pregnant, I had no idea how to find you. I did try. You had been behaving so recklessly, as if you had no regard for your own life. Each mission you took was more dangerous than the last. I was afraid of what I would find. I was so afraid you’d been killed. I had to stop looking.”
“I left the country for a while.” He cleared his throat. “I’m in a better place now.”
“I can tell.” His eyes no longer held the haunted, hollow look. “I’m happy for you.”
“I take full responsibility for how badly things ended with us.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I should’ve faced my problems, worked on our relationship. But when I needed the most courage, I ran.”
Claire felt all of her old arguments rising to the surface. He didn’t need to run. She would stand by his side always. They could get through anything, if only he would let her in.
It was too late for all of that. Though it surprised her to hear him admit to his past mistakes, she couldn’t get sidetracked by that right now.
She tamped down thoughts from the past, deciding to focus on the present.
“Does Gretchen know Mia is your daughter?”
“If she does, she figured it out on her own. At the time I sent her, I’d only known a few hours, having just run across an article stating you had a three-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. I was still grappling with the information and didn’t feel I had the right to claim her as my own.”
“And now?”
“Now that the shock has worn off, I want more than anything to meet my little girl.” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “If that’s okay with you.”
She swallowed the lump of emotion rising in her throat. When she’d first found out she was pregnant, she’d tried to track Alex down. She had wanted nothing more than to be a family. But now, so much time had passed. They’d gone their separate ways, were living completely different lives. Yet Mia was still his daughter and she couldn’t deny either of them the relationship they deserved. “We’ll need to discuss some ground rules,” she said firmly. “I don’t want you flitting in and out of her life. It will only confuse her. She’s been through enough. I won’t allow you to hurt her.”
“You think I’d hurt my own daughter?” Alex asked, his tone incredulous.
“Not intentionally, no,” Claire said. “But if you disappoint her one too many times, if she realizes she can’t count on you—”
“So what you’re saying is that you don’t think I can be a good father,” Alex said, cutting her off.
“That’s not what I said,” Claire argued. “What I am saying is that to be a good parent you need to be present. You need to be involved.”
His jaw clenched as he thought that over. “Look, I get where you’re coming from,” he finally said. “I understand why you might have concerns. But I will be a good dad.”
Claire studied his face for a moment. His gaze was intense, his expression determined. In that moment she believed he wanted to be a good father, but he knew nothing of how demanding a young child could be. He didn’t understand how one too many broken promises could lead to broken trust.
“Claire,” he said, his tone softening, “I realize you don’t have a lot of faith in me at this point. But if you let me, I’ll make Mia a priority in my life.”
Claire forced a smile, trying to ease some of the tension hanging over them. She wasn’t necessarily persuaded by his words, but she needed to give Alex the chance to know his daughter, without her old hurts clouding her judgment. “We’ll see.” Her tone was clipped and she wasn’t sure what more she could say right then. There would be time to figure it out later.
“You don’t sound too convinced,” he said in annoyance.
“I guess time will tell,” Claire replied.
Alex nodded curtly. “Fair enough.”
He glanced down at the photo he still held. Claire heard his breath catch. “She really is beautiful.”
“She is,” Claire said. “She has your eyes.”
“She has your smile.” Alex finally lifted his gaze to meet hers.
