was an unimportant detail, but Maya focused on it because seeing Kathy cry made her want to cry too.
“I feel the same as Annie.” Mrs. Axel’s voice was husky all of a sudden. “Maybe if more of us had gathered around you and spoken up for you, you would have felt like you could have stayed. Or at least come back to visit once in a while.”
Grandma wiped her eyes on her sleeve. Oh no, if she started crying, then Maya would lose it. And she didn’t lose it. Well, except for her meltdown by the side of the road the other day. She’d learned a long time ago that crying didn’t help. Mourning was a void she could get stuck in forever, because there was no closure when you’d been responsible for a death. Every day you lived was a day the other person didn’t. If you allowed yourself to cry, you might just never stop.
It was better to keep busy, stay focused, work hard and avoid other people and their emotions as much as possible. Because emotions were unpredictable. Look at her and Caleb. One day they’d been madly in love. Then the accident happened, and he’d instantly despised her.
That was why Maya had chosen a career that let her work alone, in the wilderness. In a solitary life, she couldn’t be hurt that way. And, most importantly, she couldn’t hurt anyone else.
The room had gone quiet, and the silence finally permeated Maya’s thoughts. She glanced around and saw that The Biddies were watching her expectantly, like she was supposed to say something.
“It’s okay,” Maya tried to reassure them. “I’m okay.” Really, she wanted to sink into the floor, down to the nice, cool, dark dirt of Grandma’s crawl space. Anywhere but here, with everyone’s pity and regret. “I’m sure it will all be fine. And I’m only going to be in town for a couple of months anyway.”
She wished suddenly, fervently, that she was still on the trail, setting up cameras, looking for scat and tracks. Those were things she could see and record and make sense of. That was peace. This was like standing in a hot spotlight, itchy and alone, picking at scars that never healed.
Kathy cleared her throat. “Just know that we are here for you. That if there is any gossip, we’ll try to stop it.”
“Anything you need—support for your work, someone to talk to, company if you are planning to go out—you just call one of us,” Mrs. Axel said.
Annie chimed in. “If you have trouble with any of the local ranchers, I’m your gal. None of them will give you a hard time if I’m around.”
Their kindness loosened the tears Maya had been holding back ever since seeing Caleb out on the trail. The salt stung her eyelids, and she reached for one of Kathy’s duck tissues.
“We may just be a bunch of Book Biddies,” Eva said, “but I think everyone in this room would like to help you feel at home here, in Shelter Creek.”
Grandma patted Maya’s knee. “You see? You’re not alone. You’ve got all of us.”
They were all being so wonderful, but they were seeing her as the sad, pathetic girl she’d been when she’d left this town. She’d changed since then, she was strong and independent. Why couldn’t they see that?
That was the danger of coming home. All that you’d become, all that you’d worked so hard for, wasn’t anything anyone could see. All they could see was a familiar face, and then they made familiar assumptions.
Still, all this was kindly meant. “Thank you,” Maya managed to say. “I appreciate it.”
Grandma’s soft hand reached for hers. “I’m sorry if we are too much. I guess we are all too old to ignore the elephant in the room.”
Maya scrubbed her palms over her eyes, wishing she could rub all this pity off her skin. “It feels a little like an intervention. Are you sending me to rehab?”
“Guilt rehab,” Kathy said. “You deserve to be comfortable in your own town. You may not choose to stay in Shelter Creek, but we don’t want you to live in exile.”
If only it was so simple. Was there really any rehab for the guilt and regret? Those things were just givens in Maya’s world. They wore away at her the way the Pacific’s waves eroded the cliffs by the coast. Little by little. Every day. All the time.
“This town needs to do better by you,” Annie said. “You’re brave to come home. Let us help while you’re here.”
Maya looked at The Biddies sitting there, with wine and books, and love in their eyes. She couldn’t tell them no, despite every instinct insisting she was better off alone. “I don’t think I could ask for a better set of bodyguards than you all.”
Monique let out a guffaw of laughter. “This town won’t know what hit them. Maya Burton’s home, and The Book Biddies have her back.”
It was what they all needed to lighten the mood.
It was also a good moment to escape. “I think the town, and all of us, would be better off if I had a shower now.”
“Just remember that we’re here for you,” Eva said. “And stop by my gallery sometime. Your grandmother told me that you take really beautiful photos. I’d love to see them.”
Maya’s cheeks flamed. “Grandma!”
Her grandmother’s smile was totally unapologetic. “You’re my granddaughter. I’m entitled to brag sometimes.”
“They’re not art,” Maya tried to explain to Eva, in case Grandma had built up her expectations. “They’re just something I do when I’m in the backcountry. To pass the time.”
“Well, whatever you call them, I’d love to see them,” Eva reassured her. “Come on by. We’ll have tea.”
“Okay, thank you.” Maya raised her wineglass to the rest of the room. “Enjoy your booze... I mean, your book club. And thank you for making me feel welcome.”
“Feel free to join us when you get cleaned up,” Grandma told her with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “We haven’t even talked about the book yet.”
Curiosity caught at Maya’s bookworm heart. “What did you read?”
“That romance book they made into a movie,” Kathy said. “You know, the one with the naughty businessman and the college student?”
Horror heated Maya’s cheeks. “Not... Fifty Shades?”
“That’s the one!” Grandma fanned her hand in front of her face. “Oh my, it was spicy!”
“Absolutely.” Monique put her palms to her cheeks. “That Christian Grey fellow—I wouldn’t mind an older version of him showing up in my shop.”
“Okay.” Maya was pretty sure her face was beet red. Thankfully she was almost out the living room door. “I’m going to leave you ladies to it. I’ve got some field notes to catch up on after my shower.”
Maya went to her grandmother and kissed her on the cheek. She waved at the rest of The Biddies. “Have a good time,” she told them and made her way upstairs. She could hear them talking and laughing, even from her room. And for the first time since she’d come home, she felt a little stronger.
