to check on the family and found the kids alone in the trailer. It was a mess. No food in the fridge, just a TV blaring to keep them company. I had to call in Children’s Services, and they were taken away.”
“Sounds like it was the only call you could make,” he replied.
“It was.”
“So what was the problem?”
“The dad came by my office a week later, sober again. He sat down and sobbed. His heart was just breaking. He said he loved his kids. This was the kick in the pants that he needed. He’d never drink a drop again.”
Mike was silent, watching her, and the memory came back with the force of a load of bricks. That heartbreaking sob torn from the chest of a broken man. The way he’d pleaded with her, begged for another chance. She couldn’t give it. She knew she’d made the right call...but somehow, that man’s desperation had sunk past all her defenses.
“I had his kids taken away,” she said, bracing herself against the memory. “And while I know I had to, I broke three hearts that day.”
“It was the right call,” he said.
“I felt it too deeply, though,” she said. “I didn’t have that professional glass between me and that man’s pain. I used to have it...”
“You don’t think you’ll get it back?” he asked.
“I don’t think I want it back,” she replied. “That’s my problem! When I think about getting professional reserve back, being able to protect my heart from other people’s pain... It’s kind of depressing. Maybe I don’t want to be tough again. Maybe I just want to be normal.”
“What’s normal?” he said with a short laugh.
He meant it as a rhetorical question, but Paige had a very good idea of what normal looked like.
“I want a regular life,” she said. “I want a job that doesn’t break my heart. I want a white picket fence and a view of the mountains. And that’s it. I want hobbies, and friends and work stories about Karen from Accounting.”
“You want to be a civilian again,” he said quietly.
“I really do.”
“No one likes Karen from Accounting,” he added, his expression deadpan, but she could hear the humor in his voice. “She’s awful. You might want to consider that.”
Paige chuckled. “I want regular, civilian annoyances. Including Karen. At least she doesn’t break my heart.”
“I suppose.”
“Don’t you see the appeal of that?” she asked, meeting his gaze. “I mean, after all you’ve seen...don’t you ever look at a regular Joe and think how lucky he is?”
“Nah,” Mike replied as the baby drained the last drop from the bottle. He pulled the nipple out of Benjie’s mouth with a pop. “I’d rather know the worst.”
“Really?” She eyed him for a moment.
“I missed out on what was really going on with my sister,” he said. “I just wanted to focus on my own stuff back then. I was only seventeen, after all. Same as her boyfriend. I liked cars and girls. But if I’d opened my eyes and actually recognized what was happening with my little sister, I might have been able to help her. So, no. I don’t want to shut my eyes to it again. I want to chase it down and toss it behind bars. I want to find out who’s to blame and make them pay. That’s how I feel better.”
She nodded. Sure. Faced with the tough stuff, he wanted to beat it up. But when she faced the same tough realities, she was left a heartbroken mess. He belonged out there in the middle of it all. She just didn’t think that she did.
The baby started to squirm, and Paige grabbed a dish towel and tossed it over Mike’s shoulder. “Time to burp.”
He took a moment to awkwardly reposition the baby up on his shoulder.
“Just rub some gentle circles on his back,” Paige instructed, and Mike did as she told him with the tips of two fingers. Benjie squirmed and lifted his head, then dropped it back onto Mike’s shoulder.
“Is he okay?” Mike asked, turning his head to look at the baby.
“He’s working up a burp,” she said.
“He doesn’t like this towel,” Mike said, and he pulled it out from under the baby. “Do you, buddy?”
“You might not want to—” Paige began, when Benjie came up with a resounding, wet burp. The dribble of milk ran down Mike’s uniform, and the baby stopped squirming, settling down into comfort. Mike looked from the towel to the baby, then over at Paige.
“That’s why we use a cloth,” she said with a small smile. “Live and learn.”
She picked up the towel again and came over to wipe up what she could. Mike’s breath brushed the top of her head as she wiped, the heat from his chest emanating against her. He felt comforting, and she knew that had very little to do with who he was and very much to do with her current state of mind. She was feeling vulnerable, and a big, strong guy was comforting on a DNA level. Who didn’t want to be protected by a man like this? Except the reality was, this bulky cop was filled with attitude and misgivings and was hip-deep in the life she was running away from.
“You’re going to need a bassinet for him to sleep in,” Paige said, stepping back and tossing the towel onto the counter. “And a few other things I can pick up for you. If I keep the receipts, you can reimburse me. I won’t be long.”
“Wait...what?”
And the tough cop seemed to evaporate, leaving behind a slightly panicked man with a stain on the front of his uniform. His hand on Benjie’s rump covered the baby almost up to his little shoulders, and those gray eyes softened to charcoal as he met her gaze in dismay.
“You’ll be fine,” she replied, forcing herself to smile. “I’ll make up another couple of bottles for you before I leave, but this will be good for you. I promise.”
And Paige would be even better once she got out of here for an hour or two and could think straight. Maybe what she really needed wasn’t a muscular cop or a job that could let her get her feet wet again...but a nunnery. She needed some solitude and then some bracing older women to tell her what to do.
But that wasn’t likely, and she’d already taken the job.
* * *
PAIGE WAS GONE longer than Mike had anticipated. He didn’t have anywhere to put the baby down besides the car seat. Funny, he hadn’t thought of that before—where to put the baby. The car seat was by the door, and he moved it over to the couch and tried to get Benjie settled inside it again, only to have Benjie’s little mouth turn down. Then his eyes welled up and that plaintive cry erupted from deep inside his tiny chest. So Mike picked the baby back up and paced through the living room to the front window, then across again to the kitchen, all the while wondering what he was supposed to do with himself. If nothing else, he was getting his steps in on his fitness tracker.
Mike glanced toward the TV
