sure he was going to kiss her. She’d have almost staked her life on it. The flare of desire in his eyes had been so endearingly familiar that it had shaken her to her core—had awakened her senses, her own needs—in a way she hadn’t experienced for a very long time.
She knew he’d wanted her—she’d felt the undeniable evidence against her. So what had made him stop? One minute he’d been conciliatory, the next cool and commanding and then he’d been on fire for her. A fire she’d all-too-readily reciprocated. Even now, her skin felt too tight. Her nerve endings too close to the surface. She pushed up from the bed and paced her room, suddenly filled with an excess of energy that begged for some form of release.
Who was she kidding? She knew exactly what form of release she craved. And with whom. But it wasn’t going to happen. Wade had always had the power to turn her inside out, right from the first time she’d laid eyes on him. The instant physical attraction had rapidly morphed into one that went infinitely deeper. She had no doubt they would be as compatible now as they’d been before, but she couldn’t allow herself to go down that path. It would undoubtedly lead to broken promises and broken hearts all over again and she had resolved to put things right when she came home. Put things right and prove herself to be the kind of person she most wanted to be. Not the selfish creature of the past who sought satisfaction for her every desire, but someone who could genuinely contribute to the world in which she lived and moved.
It hurt deep, deep down that she’d never be able to prove to her father that she was capable of being more than what he’d pigeonholed her to be. What she’d shamefully allowed herself to become in the face of his opposition to her gaining a career that could amount to something. He’d loved her, but he’d never had any understanding or appreciation for the person she had the potential to be. It was too late to show him otherwise. But she could prove it to herself.
She shook her head. How was she ever going to prove herself if she couldn’t control even her most basic urges around Wade?
Piper stopped pacing in front of the built-in bookcase that lined one wall of her room. It was still adorned with the things she’d grown up with. Her previous life had been sealed in a time capsule, waiting for her return. She looked around, seeing everything with new eyes.
Her gaze stopped on one of the collections of porcelain dolls her father had insisted on buying for her, but had never let her play with. What a perfect analogy for her life, she thought bitterly. Look but don’t touch. Learn, but whatever you do, don’t use that knowledge. Be beautiful, but don’t actually be anything.
She drew in a deep breath and squared her shoulders. Well, all that was going to change. As much as she’d loved her father, and had strived for his attention, she could see that they were equally to blame for her past behavior. But she had changed and she planned to continue to change and grow a whole lot more. Including going back to university and finishing her degree.
It had taken quite a bit to make her eventually grow up. Being overseas alone, facing her darkest days and subsequently her brightest moments as she’d reawakened to who she needed to be.
Still, she had to attend to her father’s estate first, and that meant getting up on time to see the lawyer tomorrow morning, which in turn meant getting a decent night’s sleep.
She went through the motions of getting ready for bed, finding solace in routine and joy in the things she used to take so much for granted. Simple things, like a tube of toothpaste, running water from a tap, a flush toilet. She laughed at her reflection in the mirror. Who’d have thought that Piper Mitchell would ever have been reduced to this? Finding joy in modern plumbing. Frankly, she didn’t care, not anymore.
The toll of the news she’d borne today, and the travel she’d undertaken to get here, swamped her and the lure of fresh clean sheets and a proper bed became stronger than she could resist.
The next morning, Piper woke as the sun began to filter through her window. To her surprise she had tears on her cheeks and her pillow was damp beneath her face. She’d been dreaming about her father and the sense of forever being left reaching out for him, yet not being accepted by him, still filled her. She swiped a hand across her face. Tears wouldn’t solve anything, she knew that with an entrenched awareness she’d learned the hard way. No matter the loss, you had to learn to get through it.
She rolled to the other side of her bed and stretched, luxuriating in the sensation of fine cotton sheeting against her bare skin. Her father’s robe was spread over the top of her bed and she grabbed it to her, pulling it on as she sat up and slipped from between the sheets to make her way into the adjoining bathroom.
Eschewing a shower for the decadence of a deep bath, she bent over and turned on the faucets. Watching the water fill in the ancient claw-footed tub gave her an illicit sense of pleasure. She would never take something like this for granted again. Despite everything that had happened since her return, it was so incredibly good to be home.
Hard on the heels of that thought came the reminder that the house was no longer her home. She was a guest here. Wade’s guest. The news had come as a shock last night and her reaction had been instinctive and out of sorts with her new resolve. She hoped that would be the last unpleasant surprise she’d have to bear.
She was in a painfully tenuous situation. She had no qualifications to speak of, unless bartering with local rebels or militia for medical supplies and trading with cash from her trust fund was anything worth mentioning. Nor did she now have a roof over her head to call her own.
Piper slipped the robe off her shoulders and, letting it drop to the floor behind her, stepped into the almost full bath. She sank into the water, letting its warmth seep into her skin all the way through to her bones. After the heat of some of the countries she’d lived in, she didn’t think she’d still crave warmth the way she did now. But with her father dead and her prospects perched on a very precarious ledge, the world around her felt very cold indeed.
Piper let her hair fall over the back of the bath and rested her head against the edge, closing her eyes and trying to concentrate only on the warmth and softness of the water enclosing her body. She’d found the exercise of isolating herself to be an invaluable tool in coping with some of the hardships she’d witnessed in the past few years, but for some reason she couldn’t find quite the degree of separation she needed now.
Where she was going to live, how she was to support herself, all took precedence over her relaxation ritual. It wasn’t as if she didn’t still have the trust fund her mother had left her, she rationalized. Her father had been angry with her when she’d gone overseas, especially when she’d tried to get between him and Wade, but he hadn’t cut her off completely. Whenever she’d applied for an advance from the funds she’d come into when she’d turned eighteen, the money had duly appeared wherever she’d needed it. By her reckoning she should still have sufficient capital left to get herself on her feet, certainly enough to finish the degree she’d partially completed before running away.
She grimaced. Running away sounded so infantile. And yet, her reactions had been those of a spoiled brat. She wasn’t proud of the person she’d been then. Not at all. But that was changing. Slowly, surely and in the right direction. And with the balance of her funds behind her, the rest would be a piece of cake.
She felt a pang of grief tug deep inside her. How she wished her father was still alive. Maybe he could finally have been proud of her, really proud. She missed him with a sorrow that went soul-deep. When she’d set out on the journey home, she’d been looking forward to seeing him again. She’d hoped with all her heart that today could be the first stage of a new relationship with her dad. One where he would finally see who she was and what she was capable of.
Well,
