of people live here that I never see, and just because he’s working here it doesn’t mean that I’ll have to run into him.” In fact, knowing he was here was good because she could go out of her way to avoid him. Catie’s Overlook was out now because, apparently, he lunched there. Of course, returning to White Elk Hospital wasn’t going to happen now, no matter how much Eric and Neil wanted her back, as that’s where James worked. But Gabby had offered her a permanent job at Three Sisters Women’s Clinic and Hospital, and in time she might be able to face nursing duty there. Someday, when she wasn’t so sensitive to mothers with new babies.
The good thing was, James should rarely have reason to be there. “It could work,” she concluded. Then, in time, after she’d avoided him enough, the habit would sink in. Yes, that’s the way it would be. Or else she couldn’t stay in White Elk. And the thought of leaving was more than she could bear. But, realistically, it was a choice she might have to make.
It was a brisk morning. Just a few weeks away from Christmas, snow was beginning to pile up higher in the mountains, and it wouldn’t be long before it found its way down to the lower elevations in more than just sprinkles and showers. She loved crisp mornings like this, when her breath was visible in white puffs, when the glistening of frost on the trees looked like diamonds. Heavy sweaters, snow boots, mittens and hot chocolate…her favorite things of the season, and she was glad she was well enough to be part of it. For a time she hadn’t been sure that would happen, hadn’t been sure she’d ever see anything outside the gray cement block walls of the rehab hospital. Those had been bleak days, days full of so much pain and so little hope. But finally coming home, especially at this time of year…
“How far do you go now on your morning walks?”
He startled her, and Fallon immediately retreated for her front door.
“You don’t have to run from me,” James said. He was standing at the edge of her cottage, his hand shielding his eyes, staring up at the Older Sister. “Wasn’t it you who said, just yesterday, that we could still be friends?”
“What are you doing here?” she said abruptly.
“Taking a walk, with a friend. You got me into the walking habit, and it’s something I look forward to in the mornings now. I thought maybe we could walk together, the way we used to. Just as friends, like I said.”
“I walk alone,” she snapped.
He turned to face her, the clean, sharp lines of face now coming into her full view. “But I thought you were open to having a friend? And the truth is, I really need a friend because I don’t really know anybody here in White Elk, except you. So I thought it would be nice if the two of us could…”
“No, it wouldn’t be nice,” she said, trying to avert her eyes from him, trying not to let herself get caught up in what she knew would so easily catch her. “And I don’t know why you’re doing this to me, James. I made it clear that I can’t get involved with you again.”
“I’m sorry, Fallon. If I have to say that a million times before you believe me, that’s what I’ll do. I’m so sorry. We both went through a difficult time but I never meant to hurt you. And I know you say I didn’t, but I must have in some profound way.”
His voice was so kind, so sincere, so agonizingly patient it nearly melted her heart. “You didn’t hurt me, James,” she whispered, turning away. But he caught her by the arm and turned her back to him.
“Then what is it? For God’s sake tell me, so I can make it right.”
“There’s nothing to make right. I…I’ve changed since the accident. And now all I’m trying to do is get on with my life. There’s nothing more to say about it, James. There’s nothing left of the us you want us to be. I can’t be anything you want. I don’t have anything left that we wanted together.”
He sighed deeply. “So maybe all I want right now is a companion on a nice morning walk. Is that asking too much?”
She looked up at him again. “And Tyler?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t seen him for a couple of months. Don’t even know where he is. His mother came and took him back for the second time, and I’ve been looking ever since.”
Her heart broke for him, and she knew that being near him, trying to be his friend or even a casual acquaintance wouldn’t work because she would be compelled to tell him the truth at some point. And break his heart even more. “I’m sorry it’s not working out for you.”
“So am I. He’s my son. I have the right to be a part of his life. But Shelly keeps taking that away from me.”
Dear God, it hurt him, hurt her. And she didn’t want to keep doing this, over and over. But their circumstances were what they were. She’d made a bad choice and nothing about it could be changed. “We can’t do this, James.”
“I’m not doing anything, Fallon, but asking to take a walk with you. That’s all. Just a walk. This morning. No expectations attached to it. I mean, aren’t you the one who told me it was so much nicer having someone to walk with? Remember that?”
She had said that, during the most wonderful time of her life, hadn’t she? Back before having James so close to her was a painful reminder of so many losses. “Walking, no talking. Those are my terms. And so you’ll know, I walk two miles out then two miles back. The first part is uphill, at a brisk pace. I won’t slow down for you. If you can keep up with me, fine. If not, the trail is clearly marked and you won’t have any difficulty finding your way back.”
Rather than be dissuaded, as she’d hoped he would be, he simply chuckled.
“What’s so funny?” she asked.
“You. You haven’t changed a bit. That’s exactly the same thing you told me the first time we walked together—except the part about walking and not talking. But if you recall, I kept up pretty well for someone who wasn’t used to executing a vigorous morning constitutional the way you were.”
“I slowed down for you that time,” she said, spinning around and heading off down the path at the side of her cottage. Heading quite vigorously, as James would call it. “This time I won’t.”
“And this time you don’t have to.” He caught up to her in several easy strides, matching her pace perfectly. “I’m in better shape, thanks to a very good teacher who convinced me about the merits of regular exercise.”
She didn’t answer him.
He chuckled. “You’re not going to be easy, are you? Of course, I didn’t expect that you would be. But I want to make this work between us, Fallon. Want to try it again. Start slow and steady and see what happens from there.”
“You can do whatever you want, James. I can’t stop you. But just be clear, you’ll be doing it by yourself because I’m done with us.”
“Because you’ve met someone else? Is that it?”
She was still at the point in this break-up, so raw from it, that she believed there could never be anybody else. She’d believed that the first time he’d kissed her, the first time he’d held her hand, the first time they’d made love. And while she didn’t want to, she still did believe that. Especially now that he was here, now that the memories were so vivid. “There’s no one else,” she told him. “Just me, and I’ve
