Don’t you worry. She ees in good hands.”
The doctor directed her gaze at Elliot’s bare chest, and she asked humorously, “I know the cooling system needs fixing, but you don’t think you taking thees a leetle too far?”
Elliot surprised Shani by looking abashed. “Sorry, Doctor. I apologize if I’ve offended … we had a little accident.”
“Don’t fret. I’ve seen it all.” But Maya Angelou had the audacity to give him one last, evaluating glance. Elliot’s skin flushed, and Shani hid a grin. It was like discovering your grandma’s prayer-circle buddy was a flirt.
They followed Bee’s gurney out of the E.R. and into a pediatric ward with three other beds. Gently, the attendant settled her onto the bed farthest from the door. With that movement, Bee’s eyes shot open, startled, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. “Mama?”
Shani was immediately soothing, stroking her cheek and listening to the sound of the monitors until she fell back into a heavy sleep. Only then did she look around. There were two armchairs next to each bed, and a little cabinet for personal effects. That was pretty much it. Children in the other beds were sleeping, their monitors a soft, bipping chorus, with the exception of a small, still pile of blankets two beds over, which was surrounded by anxiously whispering staff. A woman, probably the child’s mother, hovered, trying to stand on tiptoe to see what they were doing. Shani sat in one of the chairs and closed her eyes briefly, not able to absorb anyone else’s pain tonight.
She looked outside past lopsided blinds. It was clear and dark out, but she could tell there were only a few hours till dawn. She knew she wouldn’t be sleeping.
“Hey.”
Elliot squatted before her. He reached out and stroked her cheek, jolting her thoughts away from the window and the outside world. “She’s a beautiful little girl,” he said, but he was looking at Shani, not at Bee.
“Yes,” she agreed, but her thoughts were not on Bee, either. Rather, they were focused on fighting the urge to lean her chin into his cupped hand. Where’d that come from?
Knowingly, he turned her face toward his. Look away, she told herself. Look away, or you’ll be turned to stone. She couldn’t, held fast by his dark stare. She heard machines around her whoop and beep, but she couldn’t hear herself breathe. “Hungry?”
“Wh … huh?” The banality of the question on the heels of such an intense connection left her flailing for a response.
To her disappointment, he rose. Easily, fluidly, like a snake uncoiling itself. “Gotta be a cafeteria in here somewhere. If I don’t eat something soon …” He turned to go. “Coffee or tea?”
After having had nothing to eat since lunch, she figured a meal would be worth not having him by her side for a bit. “Coffee, please.”
“Sweet and milky, right?”
How’d he know? She watched him walk confidently away, beautiful chest bare to the world and not giving a damn. Her eyes remained fixed on him until he walked into the lit corridor. The only thing she could do now was try to catch a few moments’ rest … and wait for him to come back.
Chapter 5
Shani’s heart did a happy little two-step when he returned with a cardboard box lid and two hot cups of coffee balanced inside. He handed her a cup. It was sweet and milky, as promised. Comforting. He settled next to her with a grin, pointing to his bare chest. “Scared a few people out there.”
“Uh-huh.” More likely set their salivary glands going, she thought. “You cold?”
“Nah.” He tilted the tray so she could see its contents. “Hot dogs. And pudding. They were out of chocolate—only butterscotch and banana left. Figured you’d like the butterscotch better.”
“You figured right.”
He handed her a hot dog, heavy on the ketchup and mustard, light on the relish, no onions. “They’ve been rolling around on that little carousel since the Jurassic, but I’m too hungry to complain.”
She bit in. “If we get food poisoning, at least we’re in the right place.”
He smiled. “First joke I’ve heard you make all night.”
She shrugged, concentrating on her hot dog. “Haven’t got much to joke about.”
She was disappointed when he didn’t contradict her. He finished his hot dog without saying anything more. Then there was no sound but the scraping of his plastic spoon in the pudding cup. When she was done with hers, too, he whisked away the debris.
He snagged a blanket and wrapped it around his bare chest Indian-style, to deflect any more disapproving glances, and sat again. Together they listened to the sounds of the night. Outside, an ambulance wailed. Inside, a child moaned in his sleep. All underscored by the incessant chorus of instruments, like the mournful chirping of crickets. Eerie. Disturbing. Sad.
Elliot was so quiet, she was sure he’d dozed off. She was afraid to look at him, in case her anxiety, her need for him to stay awake, and stay with her, showed. It was embarrassing. Had she sunk so low that the moral support of a kindhearted stranger was all she had?
She directed her frustration and anger away from herself and onto Christophe. Jerk. He was an ocean away, not knowing, not caring that his daughter had loops of wires curling into and out of her, making her one with a huge, ugly machine. With just the glow of a monitor and the glimmer of a night-light staving off the darkness poised above her like a stilled wave.
How could he leave her alone to face this? When had he stopped loving her? She snorted derisively. To hear him tell it, he did still love her. Sleeping around throughout their marriage hadn’t meant he didn’t; it just meant he was French. As far as he was concerned, she’d blown the whole thing out of proportion.
She exhaled, thinking of the envelope that lay on the floor in her apartment, waiting to be opened. She wondered if she’d ever have the strength. She’d certainly have the time, what with no longer being employed and all. She thought of how, not long ago, her dream job was hers, and money and status came with ease. She’d gone and made such a mess of things.
“It’ll get better, you know.” Elliot’s mouth was close to her ear.
She jumped. Wasn’t he asleep? She turned her startled eyes to him. “What?”
His voice was still soft, warm and gentle. “You sighed like something was breaking inside you. It hurt just to hear it. But it’ll get better.”
“How, Elliot? I lost my job—”
“—you’ll get a better one.”
“—my husband—”
“—if he deserved you, he’d be here instead of me—”
“And here alone, in this godawful place—”
“You’re not alone,” he pointed out.
She was too frustrated to acknowledge he was right. “—listening to my daughter breathe, depending on someone
