to avoid physical intimacy…”
He squared his shoulders, suddenly looking like a knight charged with protecting his queen. “We would.”
Now who was kidding whom? She hadn’t had a man in heaven knew how long. The way Chase was looking at her…the place he had come from…indicated he was feeling equally deprived. Still, from a purely technical standpoint, it was a win-win solution for both of them. Especially Chase.
Up to now, he had been dealt a very bad hand in all this. Merri felt for him, and wanted to make it up to him, in whatever way she could.
“How long are we talking about?” she asked cautiously. She had lived with Pierce five years. And in the end, lost a big chunk of her prime child-bearing years to a relationship that culminated in pure heartache. Had it not been for having guardianship of the twins, she wasn’t sure what she would have done.
Chase’s big body began to relax. “A year? Maybe less. It all depends on how fast the twins acclimate to the idea of me being their dad.”
Although the pair had been wary when they’d first greeted him, Merri knew they’d warm up to him a lot more quickly than he probably thought. “And once they do,” she prodded, taking a deep breath as she searched for other pitfalls, “then what?”
He frowned, all protective male again. “If we’re happy—and I have every faith we will be once we all adjust—then we stay a family.”
Merri cautioned herself not to be overly optimistic about that. “And if one of us…wants more than a mere arrangement?” Such as enduring love, which had always eluded her in the past. “Then what?” she prodded.
“We can always divorce,” he said simply.
Merri groaned in dismay.
He shrugged, looking ready for whatever came. “People do it all the time. The kids would adapt to that, too.”
Merri drew another breath as her pulse picked up a notch. “Is that what you want?” She studied him. “A hasty marriage followed by a broken family?”
“What I want,” Chase groaned, “is for this not to have happened. For Sasha and Scott not to have betrayed me. Or put either of us in this impossible situation.” He grimaced. “Since I can’t undo their mistakes, I guess I want what I’ve always wanted. A wife who will stand by my side, and a family to come home to every night.”
He paused as they both reflected on that. Merri realized they were closer in outlook than she’d thought.
“But—” Chase sighed “—that hasn’t happened.” He shrugged his broad shoulders. “It may never happen. Let’s face it, Merri. I’m thirty-six…”
Achingly aware she needed to be realistic, too, she murmured, “I’m thirty-four.” And her own fertility was waning by the day.
Their gazes met.
“Maybe it’s past time to quit waiting for everything to be perfect,” he said simply.
Merri thought about what he was proposing. She struggled to contain her shock. “Together,” she affirmed softly.
He rubbed a hand across his jaw. “Arranged marriages have succeeded on a whole lot less.”
With a beleaguered sigh of her own, Merri said, “I think this is more a marriage of convenience.”
“Whatever.” Briefly, irritation creased his handsome features. “You get my drift.”
She did. And the most startling thing was that his suggestion didn’t feel nearly as outrageous as it should. Maybe because she was disappointed in the hand fate had dealt her thus far, too. She was tired of waiting for the once-in-a-lifetime love that might never happen for her. And depriving herself of all the things she wanted in the meantime.
A contentious silence fell between them.
Merri figured as long as they were discussing this, she might as well put it all out there. She folded her arms. “Okay, let’s pretend for a moment that the family part works out great. What are we going to do about sex?”
Because if she was honest, she could easily see herself succumbing to his considerable charm. Whenever she was close to him, she felt a zing of chemistry between them.
Chase narrowed his eyes. “If it happens, it’s consensual. And only with each other, as long as we’re married.”
“I agree anything extramarital would be a very bad idea.”
He cleared his throat and folded his own arms, the motion drawing her eyes to the muscular contours of his chest. “The point is, we can’t do anything about the time I’ve already lost with the twins. I want to be part of my kids’ lives and I want to do it in such a way that doesn’t rob you of any time with them.” He paused and leaned toward her, further invading her personal space.
He lowered his voice. “I respect and appreciate all you have done for them thus far. I just want to be part of the process, part of the family unit. And if marriage is the only way that Judge Roy will allow me to become their co-guardian—” he paused again, and she looked straight into his mesmerizing eyes “—then I don’t see any other way for me to start making up for lost time.”
“We could do it unofficially.”
He flashed a crooked smile. “The kids deserve better than that. They deserve a real family. And if there’s even a chance that we can give them that…”
He was right. Merri released a shaky breath. “Okay. I’ll do it. On one condition....”
Lines of concern bracketed his sensual lips. “And that is…?”
Merri forged ahead. “That I get something I really want out of all this, too.”
“And what would that be?” He lifted a brow.
Overwhelmed by the restlessness stirring inside her, Merri angled a thumb at her chest. “What I’ve never had and always wanted. To carry a child inside me.”
“You want to have my baby?”
Her daring surprising her, too, Merri gestured weakly. “We’ve already had two via medical procedure…”
Chase went still. His gaze roamed her, head to toe, then lingered on her lips. “You’re asking me to impregnate you?”
He didn’t have to sound so dumbfounded! “Donate sperm,” Merri clarified.
Slowly, she saw her idea sink in. A corner of his mouth quirked. “I think if we decide to do this, I’d want to do it the old-fashioned way.”
Me, too, if I was being completely honest. Merri suppressed a sigh. As their gazes continued to mesh, she wondered if she could really do that. Did she have it in her to love strictly as a means to an end? Amazingly enough, if the oh-so-sexy Chase Armstrong was the baby’s daddy, and her lifelong dream was at stake, she imagined she could. Especially if it meant a more romantic conception for the only baby she was ever likely to have.
“All right,” she allowed.
