relationship and moved out. They’d wanted different things. Right through their relationship, they’d wanted different things.
As he hung up his jacket Megan’s fragrance engulfed him, wrapping him in memories.
Maybe he’d moved on a bit quickly, but he was human, and when it came to Megan …
Just thinking about her lifted his mood, and he closed the front door, relieved that Tasha had refused his invitation to come home with him. He needed time to think, but already his mind was racing ahead, thinking of the future. He wanted Megan here, with him, all the time. He wanted to laugh with her over a meal, he wanted to sleep with her and wake up with her. They were adults, weren’t they? He was past the age of wanting to creep around like a teenager. Snatched moments in the on-call room would never be enough for him. He knew what he wanted now.
He wanted Megan. In his life. For ever.
Energised by a certainty he’d never felt before, Josh checked his phone, hoping to find a message from her, but there was nothing and he was surprised by the strength of the disappointment that thudded through him.
Had she gone back to sleep after he’d received the call that his sister was in the department? He imagined her still lying there, in sheets tangled from the heat of their loving, dreaming about what they’d shared.
Was she planning even as he was planning?
Pondering that question, he threw his keys on the table, feeling lighter than he had in months. Smiling slightly, he retrieved the post from the floor and strolled into the kitchen, lured by the promise of strong coffee.
‘Hello, Josh.’ Rebecca sat there, her beautiful face pale, her eyes sharp with accusation.
Reality slapped his dreams in the face.
Josh felt the lightness evaporate and a sick dread that he couldn’t identify settled around him like a dark cloak. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I’m your wife, Josh.’ Her tone was brittle. ‘This is still my home.’
Guilt churned inside him. It was hard to remember they’d ever been close. Hard to remember that once they’d chosen each other.
‘Where were you last night?’
He bit back the urge to tell her to mind her own business. ‘At the hospital. It’s where I work.’
‘But you weren’t working, were you? And don’t bother lying to me because I phoned the hospital to ask where you were.’ She gave a thin smile. ‘Consultant’s wife’s privileges. No one knew where you were, but they did know you weren’t on duty.’
Josh felt as though the walls of the house were closing in on him. Moments ago his future had seemed so clear. Now all he saw was murky black. ‘Rebecca—’
‘Am I supposed to be grateful that you didn’t have sex with her in our bed?’ Her fury snapped chunks out of the fragile remains of their relationship. ‘Who is she, Josh? And don’t bother denying there’s someone else because I can see it in your eyes.’
It wasn’t just in his eyes. It was in his heart. It was all through him and it gave him strength to do the right thing.
To fight.
Josh straightened his shoulders. ‘There is someone. You and I—our relationship is over, Rebecca. We’ve agreed that, and—’
‘I’m pregnant.’
The silence in the room was absolute. It was as if the words had stopped time but he knew it wasn’t the case because the hands of the kitchen clock were still moving.
Pregnant. A baby.
Josh felt strangely detached. The words floated through his numb brain but didn’t settle. Pregnant. It was as if he was outside himself, looking in. And then reality punched him in the gut. Denial burst to the surface, driven by a desperate need to hold onto the dream. ‘No.’ The word was dragged from deep inside him. ‘You can’t be. That isn’t possible.’
‘Why? Because it isn’t convenient for you? Because it isn’t what you want?’ Her voice rose. ‘I’ve got news for you, Josh. Babies don’t always come along at the most convenient moment in your life.’
He knew that. Just hours ago Megan had finally confirmed that the baby she’d lost so traumatically eight years earlier had been his—a cruel epilogue to the night both of them had spent in hell. His decision to save Megan’s life all those years before had cost her a child. Their child. The knowledge intensified a guilt and pain that had never left him.
When he and Rebecca had split, his first thought had been, Thank goodness we didn’t have kids.
And now …
‘You know I don’t want children.’
Rebecca’s laugh was devoid of humour. ‘Maybe you should have thought about that before you had sex with me.’ There was a coarseness to her declaration that made him feel like scrubbing his skin.
‘That was a mistake.’ Josh stood still, the ache in his heart more painful than anything physical that she could inflict on him. Now, with some distance, he couldn’t imagine why they’d had sex again. What had driven him back into her bed? His brain tried to drag out details from that night but all he remembered was her, urging him on … ‘Did you do it on purpose?’ Blind with pain, he shot the words at her, wanting the truth even though he knew it wouldn’t change the facts. The colour in her cheeks answered his question and he swallowed down the bitter taste of contempt. ‘You chose to bring a child into a dead, loveless marriage?’
‘You chose to have sex with me,’ she said acidly. ‘So it’s not completely dead, is it? Or maybe you’ve conveniently forgotten that night.’
No, he hadn’t forgotten. The memory sat in his gut, the regret hard and undigested. Of all the mistakes he’d made in his life, that was the biggest. If he could rewind the clock … ‘You were taking the Pill.’
‘I’m pregnant, Josh. Nothing either of us does or says is going to change that. So before you get too deeply embedded in this exciting new relationship of yours, we need to think what we’re going to do. You’re going to be a father.’
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