family. And he’d sacrificed so much for both that by the time Eve had been looking to settle down and have a family with him, Grayson no longer had anything to give anyone.
Including her.
Still, she wanted him for this massive favor.
“I’m not asking you to be a father.” Eve tried and failed to keep the emotion out of her argument, but her voice broke. “I only need you to get me pregnant, Grayson. Nothing else. In fact, I would insist on nothing else.”
She hated to put him into a corner as she’d done all those years ago. That had been a massive mistake. But she did need an immediate answer.
Grayson shook his head again and eased to the edge of the chair so they were closer. And eye to eye.
“I can’t.” He held up his hand when she started to interrupt him. “I know the difference between fathering a child and being a father. I can’t say yes to either.”
Oh, mercy. He wasn’t even giving it any thought or consideration. He had doled out an automatic refusal. Eve had thought she had prepared herself for this, but she obviously hadn’t. That sent her desperation to a whole new level. Everything inside her started to race and spin as if she were on the verge of a panic attack.
She immediately tried to come up with other ways she could persuade him. First and foremost, she could try to use their past. Their connection. They’d been close once. Once, they’d been in love.
Well, she had been in love with him anyway.
Grayson never quite let himself take that leap of the heart, and he’d certainly never said the words.
She had hoped the close-to-love feelings that he had once had for her would be a trump card she could use here to convince him. Heck, she wasn’t too proud to beg.
But she shook her head.
Begging might work. Might. However, this was Grayson, and because in the past she had loved him, Eve owed him more than that. She reined in her feelings and tried to say something that made sense. Something that would make him see that she wasn’t crazy, just desperate.
“I’m sorry,” she somehow managed to say. Her breath suddenly felt too thick to push out of her lungs, and she understood that whole cliché about having a heavy heart. Hers weighed a ton right now. “When the doctor told me I was ovulating and that I probably had a day or two at most, I thought of you. I jumped right in my car and drove straight to Silver Creek.”
“I’m flattered. I think.” The corner of his mouth lifted a fraction.
Ah, there it was. The biggest weapon in the Grayson Ryland arsenal. That half smile. Even now, after his refusal, it made her feel all warm and golden inside.
Since he’d attempted some levity, Eve did, too, but she doubted the smile made it to her eyes. God, this hurt. She wanted this baby more than her own life, and it was slipping away as the seconds ticked off.
“You can find someone else?” Grayson asked.
“I hope.” But that was being overly optimistic. She’d lost a lot of time by driving out to Silver Creek, but then she’d had no choice. She very well couldn’t have explained this with a phone call. Plus, she had prayed that she would be able to convince him once they were face-to-face.
She’d obviously been wrong.
Eve felt the raw blush on her cheeks and got to her feet. “I need to hurry back into San Antonio.”
Grayson stood, as well. “Maybe you can use a sperm bank or fertility clinic?”
“No.” She tried to blink back the tears, but failed at that, too. “Not enough time. The doctor said it takes days, even weeks to go through the screening and get an appointment. Plus, many of the clinics are closed because Christmas is only three days away.”
He acknowledged that with a shrug. “A friend then?”
The drive had given her time to consider that, as well. It was sad but true that she was seriously lacking male companionship. Heck, she hadn’t had a real date in nearly a year, and her last boyfriend was married now. As for male friends and coworkers, none had fit the bill as well as Grayson Ryland.
She shook her head and hurried to the kitchen where she crammed the photos back into her bag. The pictures were yet another kettle of fish, but they would have to wait. Eve wasn’t ready to give up her baby mission just yet, even if she’d failed with Grayson.
She put on her red wool coat and hoisted both her purse and equipment bag onto her shoulder. Moving as fast as she could, she shut off the heater, unplugged it and turned back around to face Grayson. Even after his refusal, she couldn’t help feeling that jolt of attraction when she looked at him.
Drop-dead gorgeous was right.
And for several brief moments Eve considered tossing the little bit of pride she had left. She could just throw herself at him and try to seduce him.
But she rethought that.
Grayson would resist. He had already shown her that he had a mountain of willpower and discipline to go along with those looks.
“What will you do?” he asked.
Because she felt the tears start to burn in her eyes, Eve dodged his gaze and grabbed her keys. “Maybe I can hire a friend of a friend.”
She could make some calls the second she was back in her car, but she had no idea where to start.
“Hire someone?” Grayson questioned. He stepped outside the cottage with her.
Eve nodded. She closed and locked the door before she headed for her car. It wasn’t below freezing, but the icy wind sliced right through her.
“You’d hire someone?” Grayson repeated when she didn’t answer. He caught on to her arm and whirled her around to face him. “Eve, listen to yourself. Yes, I know you’re desperate, and this baby must be important to you or you wouldn’t have come here, but you can’t just hire someone to sleep with you.”
“To provide semen so I can be inseminated,” she corrected, maneuvering herself out of his grip. She couldn’t look at him and didn’t want him to look at her. Eve hurried across the yard. “I have no intentions of sleeping with anyone to get pregnant. I was serious about not having a biological father in the picture. I’ll make some calls, find a donor, pay him for his sperm, and, if necessary, I’ll do the insemination at home.”
Grayson made a sound of relief, or something. Probably because he’d thought she was indeed crazy enough to jump into bed with the first guy she ran across on the drive home. Eve’s biological clock was screaming for her to do that, but she wanted a healthy baby and body.
“I want to raise a baby on my own,” she continued. “And if I find someone, he’ll have to agree to giving up his paternal rights.”
No need to rehash the emotional baggage that had brought her to that conclusion. Besides, Grayson knew about her absentee father and the abusive stepfather that she’d had as a kid. He didn’t know about the three failed relationships she’d had since leaving Silver Creek, and that included one episode
