a child,” she told Meredith, “but I never expected him to take to the idea so readily. Of course I want Flynn to know his father, but he’s my son. Mine.” Her voice caught, and she cleared her throat. “Flynn is my sole reason for being and now I’m going to have to share him. What if Charles wants partial custody? What if he takes Flynn to England for part of the year?” She knew she sounded irrational but couldn’t help it. Being a mother was the best thing that had ever happened to her. She couldn’t imagine a night when she didn’t tuck Flynn in bed or a morning without a baby-scented snuggle to greet her.
“What if he wants the three of you to be a family?” Meredith asked.
Alice snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. Charles has no interest in me beyond Flynn. He barely remembered who I was at first. Just another in his long list of conquests in the bedroom.” She drew her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. “Not that I was much of a prize.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, Alice. You’re not an awkward teenager anymore. In case you haven’t looked in a mirror in the past few years, you’re gorgeous. Men stare at you everywhere we go.”
“They don’t—”
“They do, but you don’t notice.”
“I noticed Charles,” Alice admitted. “We only had one night together and it’s been over a year. I’m tired, stressed and still have ten pounds of baby weight to lose. The last thing on my mind is men. But I could barely form a sentence this morning because of my reaction to him. How am I supposed to remain calm and in control when all I want is to...”
“Jump his bones?” Meredith suggested with a wink.
Alice laughed at the old-school expression, a welcome break in the tension that seemed ready to consume her. “I’m a mother now, Mer.”
“Last time I checked, you’re still a woman.”
The funny thing was, the only time Alice had felt like a woman recently was with Charles. He made her feel alive and aware of herself in a different way than normal. In a way that made her hot and itchy and longing for...more. It had to be something biological, like pheromones. There was no other way to account for her reaction to him. “Until I know how Charles wants to proceed, I can’t let down my guard. Flynn is my first—my only—priority.”
“Then you have to at least give Charles a chance.” Meredith stood, picked up both their wineglasses. “For Flynn’s sake.”
Alice unfolded her legs and followed her friend to the kitchen, where Meredith set the glasses in the sink. “Thanks for listening. I needed a friend tonight.”
“My pleasure, sweetie.” Meredith hugged her. “I’ve got to go now. I’m meeting a few people for drinks at a bar downtown. Want to call a last-minute sitter and join us?”
Alice grimaced. “It’s nearly nine.”
“The night is young.”
“Not for me. I’m exhausted and my alarm is already set for five tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll see you at the office, then,” Meredith said.
Alice locked the door to her apartment behind her friend and sighed. Her mind drifted to Charles and what he might be doing tonight. Was he also at a bar downtown or out to dinner with a woman? He had no shortage of female companionship, and Alice knew she didn’t stand a chance when compared to the women he usually favored. Of course, she’d see him again, thanks to Flynn, but Alice hated that she longed for more. Her attraction to him made her feel weak when what she needed was to be strong for her son.
She quietly let herself into Flynn’s room. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she approached the crib. He slept on his back, his face turned toward her, and her heart swelled with love at how innocent he was. He deserved the best she could give him, which was why she worked so hard, put in extra hours and ignored her own needs. That’s what mothers did for their children.
She’d wait to hear from Charles and concentrate on ignoring her feelings for the tall, handsome Englishman. Her only identity was that of a mother, and it was better for everyone if she didn’t fool herself into thinking it could be anything else.
* * *
Charles lay in bed early the next morning, watching the windows of his hotel suite slowly brighten with dawn light. His sleep had been sporadic and fitful. He’d drift off, only to awake in a cold sweat minutes later. Wispy tendrils of panic had threatened to claim him in the dark, so many unspoken fears and regrets from his life coalescing into one important word.
Father.
Bloody hell.
What had he been thinking to tell Alice he wanted to be a part of Flynn’s life? She’d seemed more than willing to let him off the hook. Shirking responsibility was Charles’s specialty in life. He’d even made a successful career of taking the easy way out. He traveled, shook hands with dignitaries and the rich and famous. He attended parties and smiled for the cameras, and somehow that made him an asset to the British tourism industry.
His existence was so different than that of his siblings, with their businesses, philanthropic projects and seemingly endless supply of energy and work ethic. Even if the superficiality of his life had begun to chafe at his soul, it was what Charles did well. He knew he wouldn’t fail at being a man about town. The stakes were too low for him to care that much. And if he didn’t care, he couldn’t be hurt. Wouldn’t disappoint anyone.
Flynn and Alice were different. They upped the stakes in a manner that scared the hell out of him. Charles certainly knew people whose lifestyles hadn’t been affected by parenthood. Friends of his from the exclusive schools he’d attended growing up hired nurses, nannies and housekeepers while they continued to party and travel with their society wives, leaving the care of the children to the hired help. It was a time-honored tradition in the British upper class but bore little resemblance to how Sir Simon and Lady Josephine had raised Charles and his siblings.
His parents had built their lives around the family, raising a tight-knit group of children with love, laughter and bucketfuls of patience.
Charles knew he’d been a particular challenge, always into mischief as a boy and usually pulling one or more of his siblings along with him. It was all in good fun, and as much as he pushed the limits of his parents’ patience, he never once doubted their unconditional love.
He’d spent enough time with his siblings and their spouses to know they were raising their children with much the same philosophy. His family set the bar high, and this was the first time Charles felt the need to live up to those standards.
If only he knew how.
He didn’t have the first clue about being an instant family man, and it wasn’t just Flynn that scared him. The beautiful blonde from a year ago had occasionally flitted across his mind, leaving him with a satisfied smile and a trace of longing. Seeing Alice again had felt like a swift blow to the head, knocking him off his game and instantly breaking through the self-control he’d so carefully cultivated. He tried to tell himself it was simply because she was now the mother of his son, but it felt like something more. It felt as if she might be the answer to a question he hadn’t even thought to pose.
He grabbed his phone off the nightstand and quickly texted Lucie. A part of him dreaded telling anyone in his family about this monumental development
